This was an important post for me the day I wrote it, b/cuz I had just been confounded by someone elses behavior, had asked for feedback or communication, and gotten blocked out. So for me it is healthier to see what I keep choosing than to blame the other person. I seem to be drawn to fearful rejectors. I need to deal with it.
I can only assume that when someone's behavior changes toward me and we don't even know eacohther very well yet, and they won't tell me what's going on-- OR if they are a person who is a "here and gone" type person (I used to be like this alot)-- then my choice of people to communicate with is OFF track and needs evaluation. Especially since mixed or unclear communication is a big-time set-up for my obsessing. For my self doubt --followed quickly by self hate, and DP. B/cuz I'm left guessing and guess the worst!
I feel crazy, b/cuz I feel unreal, b/cuz the person won't or can't help me understand.
There are such people and they don't think anything about just blowing people off. I used to be one of them. I didn't think I was hurting anybody. And these people are a must to avoid. How do I know who is going to be like that after only a couple of conversations which seem to be mutual and have a natural flow? There are some red flags. I can choose to pay attention to my gut.
Other times I will have to see it happen and walk away shaking my head again. The most important thing I need to do is care for me, and not resent them or me. I can look for how I put myself into this position to be hurt.
They are who they are and well...they've shown me their true colors. I was told once to THANK people for showing me this (not outloud) and move on.
My whole point is people will disappoint for whatever reason. Maybe they aren't mean, just careless---maybe they don't want to hurt people but they don't want to know about it if they do. A very very few are probably really just kinda...nuts...afraid people. Afraid of losing control or being controlled so they go into control mode themselves. Some will discuss things with me and some can't or won't. I need to not obsess that it's something I did. Thats old abandonment needs acting up in me. I will treat myself better every day. Nobody's perfect but I do have bottom lines of what I think I should tolerate or not in people. Just needed to explain this post better, for me. It was areal moment of clarity. If you get some thing out of it, thats cool too!