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Hi there ,

I have been reading through this forum for a while now and today I decided to share my story.

I remember that I have been an anxious person since I hit puberty.I tend to analyze things more than others do ,even

basic stuff ,expecting when buying something ,thats when my brain doesnt care ,when I have money ,I just spend it without

asking myself lots of questions.I am also the type of person who likes to read a lot ,to be informed about just everything(except

about peoples personal stuff).I also remember that when I was a child ,I would always get anxious at dawn time ,but I would feel very relaxed and calm starting from midnight.As my username implies ,I am a night person.Before I had a night shift job ,with which I was very happy and calm.After I lost that job ,the only jobs I could find were morning jobs.And because I just cant sleep (and I dont want) before 2Am ,I was always foggy and tired in the morning.The shift from years of working at night to working in the morning gave me lots of physical pain.I just cant change it ,I love the night and I only feel calm at night ,I dont enjoy mornings and neither do I enjoy the sun in the morning.I am always tired in the morning no matter how much I slept ,even if i slept for 10 hours ,I still need a nap in the afternong to be able to keep walking.

I am also a person always prone to depression ,for reasons and no reasons.During my lifetime ,I had several panic attacks before ,but once it was over I felt normal again.

Then I decided to try weed.The first couple of times I did not feel anything.Then one day ,I was in a calm setting sitting on the couch listening to music ,i smoked a bit of weed and never felt so happy before in my life.All worries were gone ,I was just happy ,the happiest person on earth.I thought this is it ,when you feel down smoke some weed.Bad mistake.On a sunday I woke up from a tiring day before ,I wasnt happy ,was still sleepy I decided to light up a joint.Thats before drinking coffee or eating anything,

Five minutes later ,boooomm.I was sitting on the floor when it hit me ,I felt like I was sitting upside down.I couldnt stand up properly ,I felt so intoxicated that I started to panic ,and when the panic attack happened all negative thoughts of the all the minds on this planet visited my mind.I kept on being in that state of terror for 4 hours ,I tried to sleep ,but with my eyes closed it was like I was watching the solar system with planets colliding with each other.I felt so terrified ,When someone in the house said anything to me ,it felt like there was a delay until their sound waves reached my ears and when I said something ,I felt like I was talking in slow motion.

When everything was over ,it felt like my brain switched to normal again ,and I felt relieved.I decided to go out for a walk ,I was feeling normal expect that I was a bit lightheaded as if someone punched me constantly on my head.

I had no real DR/DP on that day ,but I started to question how the world functions and why I felt like I was on a different planet.

A week later ,everytime I remembered that day I was close to getting a panic attack ,but I said to myself hey relax that was because of the weed and then I felt good again.

Another week later ,I went for a blood test because my adrenal glands produced DHEAS over the range values ,I did several tests because I asked the doctors for it ,not because they told me to do them.Everytime they came back over the range and so i started to ask Dr.Google about why this was so.Many websites said it could be due to a tumor.Thats when I started to feel like I will be dying soon.This was a very stressful phase for me.I was more afraid about having a tumor that I forgot the weed trip.Because ,as I said I do analyze too much ,I decided to also do a HIV test (had several partners before).On the day before the results ,I was sitting on my couch thinking ,what if I have a tumor and also HIV now ? I was so overwhelmed with those thoughts that I got a panic attack.But this time the panic attack dragged me into DR.I immediately felt that everything around me was so strange and unreal.

Because I never had this before ,i started to ask Dr Google again and found out that I had DR.As you know ,the more you think about it the more anxiety you get ,and so was I getting a panic attack after a panic attack and constant anxiety.

Because I had DR ,i tried to understand how the brain works ,how we perceive the world and so on until I started reading about quantum physics.And guess what ,many quantum physicians say that matter is empty and that everything is an illusion.I said great ,after all these years now I realized that nothing exists.But If nothing exists ,where does my mind sit ? Why am I thinking ? Where do I come from ?

This DR feeling lasted for about 3 months ,it started to go away after I got more restfull sleep.Everyday when I woke up ,I felt that it was getting weaker and weaker.I have also noticed that when I concentrate on something else ,I forget about it ,but then when I dont have anything to think about ,I remember that I have DR and anxiety kicks in.

I can swear that when I had the panic attack that sunk me into DR ,i felt that something clicked in my head and then rushed down my spinal cord ,or you could say my nervous system.I am sure that the rush of chemicals overwhelmed my brain that it tried to protect itself with the shiled of DR.

I can also feel that when I take a stimulant ,such as nictone or coffeine ,I feel close to getting a panic attack ,so there might be a connection between the nervous system and DR.

Right now ,I dont have problems with DR ,because i dont feel like I have DR anymore ,but my problem is that I was reading too much quantum physics that I believe that the world is an illusion :wink:

If I wasnt so dumb to read about all that stuff my mind wouldnt be asking too many questions now.

What I can tell you from my experience ,DR/DP is temporary ,just observe yourself ,when you get stressed your DR intensifies ,its like your brain is saying I dont care about all what is happening outside ,they dont exist.

They key to recovery is having enough sleep and distracting yourself with something you like and over the time it will go away.

It might come back again when you are stressed ,but you have to take advantage of it.When it kicks in ,just realize that you are in a protection mode of your brain ,it tries to draw itself away from the stress.

I will also ask some doctors about testing mercury levels in my body ,because they say weed has lots of mercury in it ,which binds to some receptors in the brain.
 
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