[enngirl5]

I feel like there's never a good time to do deep therapy and deal with all my problems. I'm trying to get through my new job and graduate school and before that it was undergrad school, which I was already behind on as it was because of my first "breakdown". I know there are some things I need to face and deal with but what if I start having panic attacks again in the healing process and lose my job and end up a hermit again? My psychiatrist retired today and I when discussing who I should see I suggested maybe I see some sort of therapist where I can spend more time talking about things. He thinks its a good idea and set me up an appointment in a month.
Not only do I feel like I don't have the time to deal with my problems, I feel like even more so I don't want to upset my family. Like it would be easier if I was living in a big city alone so I can have my breakdown without everyone else having to see me that way. Does any of this make any sense? I think to Janine it will because she's a big psychotherapy enthusiast. I want to deal with everything that I feel contributed to my panic attacks and all, but it seems like such a process and it's easier to just not face it.

 

[Ben]

Hello enngirl,

I feel like there's never a good time to do deep therapy and deal with all my problems.

You're putting too much pressure on yourself - there is no need to deal with all of your problems - you're human and you're always going to have problems. It's just not feasible to find time to deal with them all. I remember many times in my past when I told myself "When I find time, I'm going to do all of these things"; the problem was - I tried to literally find time to do ALL of those things as opposed to one thing at a time (the best way to get many things done). See my point? I noticed myself behaving in such a manner that if I didn't have time to do A-Z (which is what I said I wanted to do), I never did A-D (which is all I had time for), which resulted in NOTHING done.

Divide et Impera (Divide and Conquer).

What this means, in practical terms, is to think simple for a while until you regain your balance. Instead of running a mile - run a quarter mile until you're more in shape.

I know there are some things I need to face and deal with but what if I start having panic attacks again in the healing process and lose my job and end up a hermit again?

Yes, this I can understand very well - the agrophobia of this damn thing can be very hard to live with. You are constantly watching for the planks to fall out from underneath you - and all along missing out on the beauty of nature. There is (really) nothing to fear but fear itself with Depersonalization and Panic Attacks.

My fear of flying, however - was conquerd by forcing myself to get on a plane and go on my business trips, etc. Instead of staying at home - totaly afraid of those things - I would simply get on the airplane. I would read about them, learn about how they worked and do all of the things I do, naturally, to keep my mind busy to help reduce the anxiety. But when the time came, I literally told my anxiety to f*ck off and I boarded the plane.

Now airplanes don't frighten me.

You're not going to get over your fear of doing these things until you have real experience at proving to yourself that you can get over the fear - that's the catch-22 of agrophobia and why it's so hard. I can't think of a better way of getting over this stuf than taking one step at a time into the woods. Eventually you'll realize there's nothing to be afraid of (and then the anxiety goes away, and the DP starts to subside and...well, things start getting better). It's not easy - I'm definitely not saying that (and it won't happen over night either).

I feel like even more so I don't want to upset my family

Yeah - this is another tough one. You feel a sense of responsibility to others to be successful, to graduate, to live a good life, to marry well, to have children, etc. etc. etc. Other peoples' expectations get in the way of your own recovery. I know this well - again - because my drop out from college was a very hard thing for my family to deal with. It was the best thing for me at the time, but, they gave me a lot of grief.

Again - you just have to believe in the drum you're dancing too right now and simply live life one day at a time, trying to get more from each one you encounter.

Breath girl, breath. One foot after another, chin up, and believe in yourself.

 

[person3]

shit man i wont even run a quarter mile

 

[Ben]

Try cycling 60 in 100 degree weather - that's pain (or plain stupid - I dunno which anymore).

 

[Da'Burgh]

I'd say stupid unless you had lots of Vitamin Water. That's my favorite stuff. Way better than Gatorade or water when needed in long endurance activities. Gatorade has too much bullshit.

 

[Da'Burgh]

Not to mention, zero vitamins. Maybe niacin... (B3)

 

[person3]

i cycle 30 at most lately

 

[Da'Burgh]

sh*t man i wont even run a quarter mile

i cycle 30 at most lately

:shock:

That's quite contridictory (sp?) wouldn't you say?? :wink:

 

[enngirl5]

Thanks for the long reply Ben. I guess I should try to handle my issues one at a time. I'm just scared to deal with any of them. :?

 

[enngirl5]

It's kind of like a borderline patient or someone with PTSD who needs to delve into their past and relive the trauma and work it out. I need to do this I feel to fix my panic disorder but I'm just scared of having a setback.

 

[Ben]

I'd say stupid unless you had lots of Vitamin Water

Yeah, I stock up on that stuff and lots of other things. I don't cycle by myself when I go that far either.

 

[Da'Burgh]

You're a smart cookie, Ben. Are you wearing one of those Lance Armstrong wristbands?

 

[Ben]

Yeah, I am actually. I lost a grandmother to cancer and pushed them really heavily when they first came out.

 

[Da'Burgh]

Cool. I'm wearing one too.

 

[Ben]

....by the way, I'm a hockey fan (Avs). I just noticed your Penguins logo and remembered I have a Penguins game puck somewhere around here...

I also play occasionally (nothing serious, though, as I seriously suck). I'm not a bad defenseman - but I can't score worth sh*t.

 

[person3]

biking is fun running isn't, for me.

 

[halcyon]

viva real madrid!