[kchendrix]

Well I used to have DP most the time, questioning myself, my identity etc,,, you know the drill,,, I have been able to get over that pretty well , with the ocassional flare up.

The last three days though I have had the worst DR, Everything looking so weird and foreign, and normally I can talk myself out of it ,get busy etc. Its just hanging. Last night I was at dinner with my wife, and it was so hard just to sit there in the sureal looking place. I feel like I am just staring into space half the time.

I know what I am supposed to do and I am trying, but ocd thoughts of is this neurological, maybe there is something really wrong.... I know my state was brought on by anxiety to begin with, but I am really trying to focus away from it, but when things look as they do it is hard. So I know the drill and I am getting ready to get off my butt and go run some chores and try and stay busy and distracted, ......Sometimes just writing here to our community helps me focus on something other then the way things look..... I keep reassuring myself , I have had a brain MRI done, so I know there is nothing wrong there. Doctors have looked me over, this is just another cruel trick of anxiety... So please just be there for me today.... I need you guys...

Peace and Love
KC

 

[cesart]

hiya hun...im sorry i cant really be of much use today as im feeling really really bad myself..but im thinking of you and i hope you start feeling a bit better very soon xxx

 

[Universal]

i hope things really look up for you! I'm feeling crummy myself and every day brings the promise of yet more boredom. can't find the motivation to get up and about in life. but i'm sending you some good karma... sounds like you're battling this thing with all you got... and thats a start!

peace

 

[rainboteers]

Setbacks and bad days are very draining. This has been an ongoing issue for me. I now have some very decent days, dp being low and tolerable. Then come the horrific days where I feel like I am back to square one. When you are having bad days it is so hard to remember that things will get better again and that it won't last forever. Also there is that fear that these bad days mean you are not getting well. I know how you feel but my best advice to you is to do your best not to focus on it and, stay busy doing things that bring you comfort. Getting depressed about the bad days always makes them even worse for me. Hang in there.

 

[Kelson12]

I'm having a really rough day too. Haven't really left my apartment yet today. Did do some homework and cleaned my apartment. But that's about it. I'm supposed to go to a Halloween party tonight, but really don't feel like being around people. But will prolly go anyways. I was feeling pretty good for the past 4 weeks. But this past week has been pretty bad. While I would hate to be bad all the time, sometimes the ups and downs just makes it sooooooo rough. Because for 4 weeks I had hope I was moving in the right direction, but then this past week has really been discouraging!

All we can do is try our hardest to maintain.

Kelson

 

[fingertingle]

I know people aren't going to like me for saying this, but sometimes it's best to avoid certain stimuli ie. the dim lights in certain restaurants, when the dr is especially bad. Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions, but I hate to provoke the devil anymore than I have to.. Hope you come out of it soon.

 

[boohoo]

I know people aren't going to like me for saying this, but sometimes it's best to avoid certain stimuli ie. the dim lights in certain restaurants, when the dr is especially bad.

Noooooooooo!!!! Don't avoid it!! Please. You don't want to become agoraphobic! That's what happened to me.

 

[Martinelv]

We're always here for you mate.

If it's of any use - here is a trick that I used whenever my DR/DP/Anxiety/Panic tried to convince me that I shouldn't do something, like go a see a friend (what if I panic?), or go see a film (what if get major DR?), or simply go to the shops (what if my anxiety....etc). If I ever had these thoughts pop into my head, I immediately (that's important, I didn't dwell on it) and deliberately went and did it. It was almost like a challange. I hated the thought that I had become so afraid of myself and my symptoms and that I had to weigh up the pros and cons of doing something that in normal circumstances I would never have thought twice about. Absolutely detested it. I could see myself getting into a situation where these thoughts spiralled out of control to the point where, like Boo-Hoo says, I became too afraid to go out, to do anything. I'm too selfish to be denied that, so I spat in it's face. Sure, sometimes I couldn't get a handle of the fear, and I'd scurry back home, but every-single-time the 'fear' question was raised in my head, I'd challange it.

I know I have the luxury of hindsight, but I look back and think how in the beginning how many goddam hours I must have spent, pacing up and down the room burning myself up with anxiety thinking about..........can I handle the trip to the shop? Madness. Of course I could. What is stopping me? Nothing. While the world was turning outside my head, I was obsessively worrying about anxiety/DR/DP.....what a bloody waste of time.

 

[Dreamer]

Dear KC,
Man do I understand. What's interesting is that I've been going along sorta OK, and I constantly say "NO!" everytime something menacing seems to be coming to the forefront, but it's tiring. I know that.

I do have depression, but I even remember as a kid, I was always "tired" ... I actually hid in bed. I would say to our housekeeper -- this would be on beautiful summer days, "Tell Kitty and Lisa I'm sick, I don't want to play."

I didn't realize it now, but I was feeling "odd" and as I call it today, there was no "payback" ... even when I forced myself to accomplish things, there was the emptiness, the disconnection, and the joy was shortlived.

But I still believe in forcing one's self out. I've spent too much of my life in bed -- and not in a fun way 8) -- and it is indeed a waste.

I understand it 100%. This Sunday, it took me 4 attempts. FOUR to FORCE myself into the shower simply to FORCE myself out to have a cuppa Joe and a lovely muffin at the local hangout.

WHEN I got out, I felt I'd accomplished a miracle, LOL.

It does make a difference. But Lord the work it takes.

This is a vicious illness, but we all understand, too well, and "this too shall pass." For the first time I feel I can say that. I've had some better days, fewer HORRIBLE days.

Keep the Faith,
Dreamer

 

[Dreamer]

PS, LOL, I can't help myself.

For instance, as Kelson notes, sometimes, doing the laundry, cleaning the apartment -- we should pat ourselves on the back for that. Seriously. I go to a support group where we laugh about it. And we always praise ourselves for getting ourselves out to the group!

And KC,
You have experienced getting better. You have to believe you'll get back there -- out the other side of the tunnel. That's what keeps me going these days -- the "better" days. None are perfect, the way I want them, in reality, but I'll take the ones where there is some joy.

Tonight I have decided to go see "Capote". I've been waiting for that for forever. And I'm going to enjoy myself if it kills me, LOL.

Take Care,
D

 

[Martinelv]

The bells at Notre Dame are distinctly quiet..... :roll:

But absolutely, I know where you're coming from Dreamer. Luckily for little old me I only had to put up with that shit for a year (twice), and even then I know how exhausting it can be to get fighting with yourself. I can imagine what it would be like to have to constantly fight it.

Nope, it sure isn't easy. But, and I'll say it again, what's the alternative? I think once you understand that there isn't any palatable alternative (and you know this better than I), it almost becomes second nature.

And I'm going to enjoy myself if it kills me, LOL.

:lol: I used to say that to myself. I WILL enjoy this. I WILL. Madness..madness. Reminds me of that Chevy Chase quote...'We're going to have so much fun we'll need plastic surgery to get the smile off our faces'.

 

[kchendrix]

Thank you all for being so kind and giving me a lift. I made myself get up and shampoo the family room carpet, went and visted my Aunt in the Hospital and then had a beer with my cousin. So i go busy and tried to keep occupied...

I also got some encouraging email from some people also, who reminded me that they had been through this also. I baby sat my 3 month old granddaughter so I was totaly immersed in that Sunday.. I also played guitar for two church services Sunday... So I made it through all that.... Thanks again for your concern.

Peace and Love
KC