Hello All,
My DP relapse started back in January of this year after being DP free for almost 7 years. The first time it came up was in 2010 after a bad marijuana trip. It lasted about 1 year with the first 6'months being really bad. In Jan of this year I made the mistake of trying weed again. Biggest mistake of my life because all the DP came back.
This year has been kind of a rollercoaster. The first month of DP was really bad but I would usually always start to feel a little more clear headed and hopeful in the evenings. I could focus and think of other more "normal" thoughts in the evening and my anxiety would be low and I could sleep thru night like I usually do. The DP seemed to start getting easier to manage and I was able to live a pretty normal life. I was still working, hanging out with friends, playing lots of golf and enjoying the company of my fiancé. I learned to appreciate the moments of peace and clarity. Yah I had a few really bad weeks here and there but I would always tell myself that this will soon pass and you'll be fine. The night will come and you'll feel better and sleep well.
Last month my fiancé and I booked a venue for our wedding and I had to put a pretty good sized deposit down for the venue. A day or so later I had a pretty intense dream/nightmare that everything went wrong at the wedding and that people were judging us and the wedding turned out to be a disaster. I woke up immediately from this dream around 2 or 3 am and went to the bathroom. And I started to feel intense DP symptoms. I got back into bed and started to take deep breaths. Eventually the anxiety passed i was able to fall back into a light sleep.
Now the problem is ever since that bad dream I cannot get a goodnights sleep anymore. I'm getting sleep anxiety where I worry about insomnia all day and when the night time comes I'm afraid of not sleeping well. I usually drift off after about an hour or so but I can't stay asleep. And the sleep I get doesn't feel as deep as it used to. It's like my brain gets into dream mode and then I guess I realize I'm in a dream and I just wake up instantly. I can usually remember the dream pretty well and sometimes they give me a little bit of anxiety. Usually what I consider good sleep is when you can't remeber your dreams. My brain doesn't get to that last stage anymore where everything just shuts off and your brain starts to get the rest that it needs during that time. No thoughts no dreams just rest.
Now because of my bad sleep quality my anxiety and depression is getting worse and worse. I just don't feel any motivation to do anything anymore. Even when my DP was bad and I was not worried about sleep I could always look forward to socializing, golfing working out etc. Now all I can do is worry and read about sleep issues all day and it's really stressing me out. My fiancé seems to think it's the wedding that's stressing me out and it will eventually pass. But I feel like I've developed something worse. I just fear that ive developed a lifelong insomnia disorder. I read about people who have had insomnia for years and years and nothing really truly seems to help with it. Btw I've never taken any medication ever. The first time I had DP I didn't take it and it went away naturally and this time to I'm hoping the same thing happens.
Point of this story I guess is to ask for advice/help/words of encouramgent. Can anyone relate to this at all? Do sleep problems usually just naturally go away? I made an appointment to see a therapist this week and I'm hoping maybe some CBT will help me. I really don't want to resort to medication. I took some ZzzQuil last night and my sleep was a little better but I still woke up maybe 3 or 4 times at night and I feel really groggy today. Anyways sorry for this long post and thanks for your help.
-TheGolfer
My DP relapse started back in January of this year after being DP free for almost 7 years. The first time it came up was in 2010 after a bad marijuana trip. It lasted about 1 year with the first 6'months being really bad. In Jan of this year I made the mistake of trying weed again. Biggest mistake of my life because all the DP came back.
This year has been kind of a rollercoaster. The first month of DP was really bad but I would usually always start to feel a little more clear headed and hopeful in the evenings. I could focus and think of other more "normal" thoughts in the evening and my anxiety would be low and I could sleep thru night like I usually do. The DP seemed to start getting easier to manage and I was able to live a pretty normal life. I was still working, hanging out with friends, playing lots of golf and enjoying the company of my fiancé. I learned to appreciate the moments of peace and clarity. Yah I had a few really bad weeks here and there but I would always tell myself that this will soon pass and you'll be fine. The night will come and you'll feel better and sleep well.
Last month my fiancé and I booked a venue for our wedding and I had to put a pretty good sized deposit down for the venue. A day or so later I had a pretty intense dream/nightmare that everything went wrong at the wedding and that people were judging us and the wedding turned out to be a disaster. I woke up immediately from this dream around 2 or 3 am and went to the bathroom. And I started to feel intense DP symptoms. I got back into bed and started to take deep breaths. Eventually the anxiety passed i was able to fall back into a light sleep.
Now the problem is ever since that bad dream I cannot get a goodnights sleep anymore. I'm getting sleep anxiety where I worry about insomnia all day and when the night time comes I'm afraid of not sleeping well. I usually drift off after about an hour or so but I can't stay asleep. And the sleep I get doesn't feel as deep as it used to. It's like my brain gets into dream mode and then I guess I realize I'm in a dream and I just wake up instantly. I can usually remember the dream pretty well and sometimes they give me a little bit of anxiety. Usually what I consider good sleep is when you can't remeber your dreams. My brain doesn't get to that last stage anymore where everything just shuts off and your brain starts to get the rest that it needs during that time. No thoughts no dreams just rest.
Now because of my bad sleep quality my anxiety and depression is getting worse and worse. I just don't feel any motivation to do anything anymore. Even when my DP was bad and I was not worried about sleep I could always look forward to socializing, golfing working out etc. Now all I can do is worry and read about sleep issues all day and it's really stressing me out. My fiancé seems to think it's the wedding that's stressing me out and it will eventually pass. But I feel like I've developed something worse. I just fear that ive developed a lifelong insomnia disorder. I read about people who have had insomnia for years and years and nothing really truly seems to help with it. Btw I've never taken any medication ever. The first time I had DP I didn't take it and it went away naturally and this time to I'm hoping the same thing happens.
Point of this story I guess is to ask for advice/help/words of encouramgent. Can anyone relate to this at all? Do sleep problems usually just naturally go away? I made an appointment to see a therapist this week and I'm hoping maybe some CBT will help me. I really don't want to resort to medication. I took some ZzzQuil last night and my sleep was a little better but I still woke up maybe 3 or 4 times at night and I feel really groggy today. Anyways sorry for this long post and thanks for your help.
-TheGolfer
