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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everyone, I think there are some people here I recognize. Basically my story is I’ve been through severe bouts of DPDR and have done outpatient programs. It gives me bad obsessive existential thoughts causing panic attacks. I had been ok for years but I had a really traumatic experience with the birth of my baby where I thought I was going to die and BAM, panic attack and DPDR come back harder than ever (I think also had some post partum depression to add to the mix. Fun) anyway, I went to the hospital once bc I felt so crazy. You would think I would recognize this but it’s so scary when it happens all over again and hard. My p doc has me on meds which I hate but I need to get through and be able to take care of my baby. In general I’ve been slowly getting better over 9 months but some days it feels like I can’t stop obsessing. I obsess over my thoughts and feeling and mental Illness to the point I feel sick. I get so scared I will end up in the hospital and go crazy. I feel like I’m going to be a bad mom and my baby deserves better. My thoughts just feel out of control some days? Any kind words or people who can relate would be very appreciated :(
 

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Hey, I'm so sorry you've been going through all this, especially after having your baby. However as you probably know, your main goal at the moment should be getting all the help you can get, if not for you, for your child. If you can afford it, try to maybe go to a therapist who you can vent your thoughts to and can teach you how to cope with the obsessive recurring thoughts when it gets bad. As someone who's recovered fairly recently (been two months after a relapse that happened about 3 or 4 months ago) from what I would say was 10/10 horrifically terrible dpdr, I can confidently say it gets better. Keep taking the meds if they're working, even if you hate the idea of them. You're not gonna go crazy, you won't end up in a psych ward. I don't know how to say that it's "just dpdr" but it's just dpdr. It doesn't change your behavior, make you violent, anything like that. You only feel like you're going crazy because you think you're going crazy. Also remember relapse is a part of recovery. If you got through it once and felt relief, you can do it again even quicker.

I'm 100% sure you'll be fine, and I hope you can get the help you need. Good luck with motherhood!
 

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Hey you'll be fine, just remember you do get better and the thoughts eventually get easier to deal with. I have very scary existential thoughts too but just knowing they don't last is good enough for me. Hope all is good :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you so much for your replies and kind words. Sometimes it just takes reassurance from people that get it. It means a lot.
 

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hi i am using my husbands account ( he goes on for me so i wont come here and obsess ). i had dpdr in the past 2011 for over a year and one day i snapped out of it and was ok for years. i got pregnant june 2017 and half way through my pregnancy i had bad anxiety and ocd. two weeks later i had a panic attack and dpdr came back and has not left me since. My son is now 5 month old. i would love to talk if you would like to message this account!
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Jbailey, I messaged you. My situation was so similar. It’s scary how quickly you can be thrown back into it :(
 
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