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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Egen though N20 is an dissociative, everytime I take a balloon, for a few seconds, I am completely free from DP. The world, and my mind, is 3D again. I have that indescribable feeling of being ME again, I can have complex thoughts and get a deep understanding of myself and reality. For a few seconds I have both my intelligence and emotions back - and in those seconds I feel completely real.

Does anyone have a theory of why?


If we just play with the idea that my brain chemistry for some reason reacts well to dissociate substances, would it be possible that other dissociatives (DMT/Ayahuasca) could be a potential, more long lasting, tool? If done in controlled settings with an experienced guide, of course.

In DP I often suffer from a “blank, fragmented mind and feeling like I can’t understand even basic concepts or problem solving. I don’t have existential thoughts, I don’t have anxiety, I don’t question reality - I’m just an empty vegetable trying to identify and solve enough problems to keep my life running. It’s like most of my cognitive functions are temporarily shut down.

If anyone has been trough something similar I’d love to hear your thoughts ❤
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Are you sure that it actually takes you to a non-dp frame of mind... or is it just a particular to you high that you get while dp'd and taking dissociatives?
Hm, I understand where you come from. Of course it's not equivalent to being sober without dp - the N20 still add the feeling of being high. However, it's like I get access to the abstract feeling of having a "self" again. During these few seconds I can evaluate situations from several perspectives and feel a deep understanding for them - something I struggle with otherwise. Things make sense again.
 

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Actually this is sickening, not because you took it and you felt yourself again, but i also have moments like that where i suddenly feel myself, have my emotions back and be me, but just for like 10 seconds, until im back in this weird state of mind.

It just feels like, that you need to bring one thing back in balance or open a door, and poof, you are completly you again, with your whole range of emotions, thinking habits and so on.
Hard to grasp onto this because when you can clearly see this separation, how come there is no 'cure'
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Actually this is sickening, not because you took it and you felt yourself again, but i also have moments like that where i suddenly feel myself, have my emotions back and be me, but just for like 10 seconds, until im back in this weird state of mind.

It just feels like, that you need to bring one thing back in balance or open a door, and poof, you are completly you again, with your whole range of emotions, thinking habits and so on.
Hard to grasp onto this because when you can clearly see this separation, how come there is no 'cure'
I completely agree. All recovery stories are saying recovery will be gradual over a long period of time, and that there’s no single thing that will cure you. I do believe this is true when it comes to stable long term recovery - but like you mentioned I’ve also experienced my consciousness going from 0 to 100 within a few seconds. So there IS a switch that can be turned off and on, we simply don’t know how to trigger it (or rather how to make the effects stay long term)
 

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Hey Liv, my native language is german and some Articles may be in my language, but i researched a little bit and i actually found a correlation in the first 5 minutes of looking up N20, though, i need to spend more time for that later on, it is an interesting topic and thing you discovered.

N20 docks on glutamate receptors and blocks 90% of those.
Here a link:
N20 - glutamate

Glutamate receptors in turn are said/rumored to be in correlation with Depersonilisation/Derealisation:
glutamate and DP

Here an article which informs about the overall function of glutamate as a neurotransmitter, nerve cells use glutamate, to communicate to each other
function of glutamate

One can only rumor that your symptoms may dissapear because the blockage of your receptors restricts the communication which holds up the DP Symptoms

Im gonna look more into this and maybe you too, its quite interesting

But i advise you to stop taking n20 if you abuse it regularily (cause it stops your dpdr), n20 disables vitamin b12 functions and this is fatal when using n20 regularily, it will litteraly do unreversable nerve damage to you probably could cause death at some point.
 

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I also have these FUCKING random moments that I am completely back to normal, and they also last like 10-30 seconds. My vision is 3d again, I feel my body and my surroundings again and they are totally random but they happen like once every few months. And then bam I am back in dissociation land. When I feel connected again I can't even think what dp/dr feels like anymore. Weird shit man
 

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I also have these FUCKING random moments that I am completely back to normal, and they also last like 10-30 seconds. My vision is 3d again, I feel my body and my surroundings again and they are totally random but they happen like once every few months. And then bam I am back in dissociation land. When I feel connected again I can't even think what dp/dr feels like anymore. Weird shit man
YES sir, i tried to explain exactly this !
Its like you are switching between Dimensions and when doin so you actually lose the ability to remember how the other side felt, and that within seconds, and snap, youre back in..
Like in a fucking movie..
Happens to me after a cpl month

Bro we aint trippin hahahah

As we are talking about that, you guys also have the feeling that your thoughts are like right in your face kind of? They are so clear and present it feels like way too overdone :s
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
YES sir, i tried to explain exactly this !
Its like you are switching between Dimensions and when doin so you actually lose the ability to remember how the other side felt, and that within seconds, and snap, youre back in..
Like in a fucking movie..
Happens to me after a cpl month

Bro we aint trippin hahahah

As we are talking about that, you guys also have the feeling that your thoughts are like right in your face kind of? They are so clear and present it feels like way too overdone :s
Everything you just said, I've thought. I'm happy I'm not the only one that been thinking about this in terms of dimensions - because that is actually what I would describe it as. Like you can tap in to different "lenses" where the perception of yourself and the world changes. Even my appearance in the mirror changes depending on which lens I have on, like the brain highlight different features of me. And yes, just like you mentioned - when you switch dimension the other ones seem awfully abstract and distant. Like they're different species fighting for survival as your identity, and thereby eliminating the memory of each other. This is of course not the case, and it would be interesting to read the neurological explanation for this sensation.

Also relating to having your thoughts right in your face. They're louder, and it almost feels like you're the constant observer of them instead of being IN them. I can recognise a certain concept from the outside, without experiencing the actual thought.
 

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Everything you just said, I've thought. I'm happy I'm not the only one that been thinking about this in terms of dimensions - because that is actually what I would describe it as. Like you can tap in to different "lenses" where the perception of yourself and the world changes. Even my appearance in the mirror changes depending on which lens I have on, like the brain highlight different features of me. And yes, just like you mentioned - when you switch dimension the other ones seem awfully abstract and distant. Like they're different species fighting for survival as your identity, and thereby eliminating the memory of each other. This is of course not the case, and it would be interesting to read the neurological explanation for this sensation.

Also relating to having your thoughts right in your face. They're louder, and it almost feels like you're the constant observer of them instead of being IN them. I can recognise a certain concept from the outside, without experiencing the actual thought.
Yes Liv, finally i can relate and i no longer feel like iam alone these past years, i thought i Was nuts explaining it in Dimension terms to my doc, it just feels like sci fi sht but it actually is like that.
And you know this hits hard again, lenses..
This is what i exactly mean with constantly changing perception of things
You can clearly see it as you said when looking in the mirror, this Minute you can look into the mirror and you see yourself this way, the next Minute its a different picture, its like a recolor/readjustment of the perception of yourself, your emotions and in general how you perceive your sorroundings.
Feels like your mind cant pick up onto something stable, its fragile kind of, Constantly changing the perception as if the last perception wasnt right or something

Also with thoughts, yea feels like you are an observer of your own thought - and when you snap back into the 'real' reality for a bare minute, you are instantly not an observer but you use your thought as a tool to think - like it was before DP
and not like this crap where your thought tries to use you to do shit
Sry for these swear words but im just a littled reliefed and more hopeful today.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Yes Liv, finally i can relate and i no longer feel like iam alone these past years, i thought i Was nuts explaining it in Dimension terms to my doc, it just feels like sci fi sht but it actually is like that.
And you know this hits hard again, lenses..
This is what i exactly mean with constantly changing perception of things
You can clearly see it as you said when looking in the mirror, this Minute you can look into the mirror and you see yourself this way, the next Minute its a different picture, its like a recolor/readjustment of the perception of yourself, your emotions and in general how you perceive your sorroundings.
Feels like your mind cant pick up onto something stable, its fragile kind of, Constantly changing the perception as if the last perception wasnt right or something

Also with thoughts, yea feels like you are an observer of your own thought - and when you snap back into the 'real' reality for a bare minute, you are instantly not an observer but you use your thought as a tool to think - like it was before DP
and not like this crap where your thought tries to use you to do shit
Sry for these swear words but im just a littled reliefed and more hopeful today.


I’ve actually found a way to switch dimensions on my own terms through daydreaming. Wrote a post about it, see if there’s something helpful there for you? It’s a little tricky, and the effort can in some cases end up making my hyper aware of my thoughts, which make the DP worse - so it’s not bullet proof. But oh boy, the places you can go with your consciousness the times you succeed (completely sober). I really want to master it, because I do believe we have the ability within our minds to get out of this
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Hey Liv, my native language is german and some Articles may be in my language, but i researched a little bit and i actually found a correlation in the first 5 minutes of looking up N20, though, i need to spend more time for that later on, it is an interesting topic and thing you discovered.

N20 docks on glutamate receptors and blocks 90% of those.
Here a link:
N20 - glutamate

Glutamate receptors in turn are said/rumored to be in correlation with Depersonilisation/Derealisation:
glutamate and DP

Here an article which informs about the overall function of glutamate as a neurotransmitter, nerve cells use glutamate, to communicate to each other
function of glutamate

One can only rumor that your symptoms may dissapear because the blockage of your receptors restricts the communication which holds up the DP Symptoms

Im gonna look more into this and maybe you too, its quite interesting

But i advise you to stop taking n20 if you abuse it regularily (cause it stops your dpdr), n20 disables vitamin b12 functions and this is fatal when using n20 regularily, it will litteraly do unreversable nerve damage to you probably could cause death at some point.
Thank you for sharing 🧡 Just so I’ve understood correctly, is there a potential increase of glutamine at the moment - and decreasing it COULD relieve symptoms?
 

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I did not look further into it, but Glutamin ist known to maybe have some correlation with dp
And N20 interferes with Glutamin and blocks some of it

Still not wise to use n20 because it deactivates Vitam B12 and causes nerve and brain damage, which is not reversable
 

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Egen though N20 is an dissociative, everytime I take a balloon, for a few seconds, I am completely free from DP. The world, and my mind, is 3D again. I have that indescribable feeling of being ME again, I can have complex thoughts and get a deep understanding of myself and reality. For a few seconds I have both my intelligence and emotions back - and in those seconds I feel completely real.

Does anyone have a theory of why?


If we just play with the idea that my brain chemistry for some reason reacts well to dissociate substances, would it be possible that other dissociatives (DMT/Ayahuasca) could be a potential, more long lasting, tool? If done in controlled settings with an experienced guide, of course.

In DP I often suffer from a “blank, fragmented mind and feeling like I can’t understand even basic concepts or problem solving. I don’t have existential thoughts, I don’t have anxiety, I don’t question reality - I’m just an empty vegetable trying to identify and solve enough problems to keep my life running. It’s like most of my cognitive functions are temporarily shut down.

If anyone has been trough something similar I’d love to hear your thoughts ❤
I get the same feeling when I'm drunk, which may not be the same thing you're going through. For me, alcohol makes the outside world feel less real, but I feel 'repersonalized' with myself and my mind, memories etc.
 
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