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My worst trait.........

6378 Views 44 Replies 9 Participants Last post by  Janinebaker
G
....was in the subject line of an e-mail I recently received. I won't read the e-message (for reasons detailed below), but it got me to thinking about my own worst traits.
I figure everyone has pretty much the same personality traits - there really is nothing new under the sun. It's the degree to and manner in which those traits are expressed that make us the unique individuals we are. As far as what is a "worst trait", well, that's more in the eye of the beholder than anything else. Everyone is different, and everything is relative. For instance, I have typically been attracted to bitchy women. What one person may see as a flaw, another may see as a strength.

So, with those disclaimers, here are some "worst flaws" of mine, as seen through my eyes.......

I tend to dress like I did when in high school. Always have. Jeans, t-shirt and a pair of white Nikes are, to me, good enough for pretty much any occasion. People around me know when summer has arrived, as I reduce that wardrobe to simply jeans and tennies. Actually this is a "worst trait" mostly to my wife. She has recently purchased me my first suit, foolishly believing I will ever actually wear it.

I am always, always late for work. Sometimes a few minutes sometimes a couple of hours. My reasons for my tardiness vary from sleeping in too late to simply being bored. I don't even know how I manage to stay employed.

I tend to think I am much smarter than I actually am. I don't recall being this way before the DP hit, but I am most definitely this way now. Again, there is nothing new under the sun here. There's enough narcissim in this group to choke an entire herd of elephants. I may take things to the extreme in this area, however. Also, I tend to expect others to be pretty much perfect. Doesn't take a Board certified shrink to see all I'm doing is transferring my own hopelesssly high expectations of myself onto others.

I have the gift of being able to rationalize most any type of behaviour. Again, everyone does this to some degree, I just think I do it a bit more than average. This particular trait tends to land me in trouble from time to time.

I tend to............."play" with people. Although that word makes it sound worse than it is (he rationalizes). This is something I've always done, with a marked increase since becoming DP. Each of you, in your own way, will attempt to "sound out" another person. Try to find out what they've got, both in positive and negative terms. You try to get to know them, in part because you don't like to be surprised later. This behaviour is most evident in romantic situations, but applies to a lesser degree in most any interaction between human critters.
I do the same, but again, maybe a bit (alot) more than average. And to be completely honest, I make a game out of it sometimes. And sometimes it is a serious game. Since becoming DP, I do not like being surprised. By anything - or anybody. When first meeting someone, I begin the process of determining if they are able to hurt me, help me, etc. I have a real need to find out their strengths, and weaknesses. All so I am not surprised later. All part of the pathetic control issues I have.
And it is typically very easy to do. Just apply the right amount of pressure in the right area........and you can pretty much find out what a person is made of. The approach I use is different for different people, and it can be interesting. My problem, or my "worst trait" I guess, is that I tend to take things too far in this area. I seem to enjoy exposing people. I play them, as if they are a puppet and I the marionette. Pulling strings pushing buttons to get them to do what I want them to do. Sometimes I do this for a specific purpose - I have been playing one particular person for over seven years now, because knowing her caused me pain. I am trying to get back at her, simple as that. Pulling strings, pushing buttons. Getting her to react the way I want her to react.
I am disgusted with myself for it.
Recently I have done something similar here. Though disappointed with how easy it was - I caused another member to react EXACTLY the way I wanted them to react. Pulled the strings just right. Cause I'm quite good at it.
A pitiful little triumph for sc........

Some people are harder to play than others, though it doesn't seem to be a matter of relative intelligence. More..........how able they are to hide their flaws. Or how willing maybe. The person I just referenced - clearly above average intelligence, yet gave up their secrets quite easily.

Another "worst trait" - when first meeting someone I start from the position that I can trust them completely, then start subtracting from that. Once I start exposing their flaws, THEIR worst traits, that level of trust diminishes. And I can never seem to get it back up to perfect trust again. Basically put - you are my friend until you screw me. Once that happens, we can no longer be friends. Whether or not it was me who caused you to show your hand doesn't matter.

I do not enjoy conflict. And, in fact, will go to great lengths to avoid it. I am afraid of finality. Ending of relationships, etc. The "My Worst Trait" e-mail will go unread. It comes from a person who I have tried my best not to play. A person with definite flaws, someone I could have been having a blast with as far as pulling strings, just for the challenge if nothing else.........but also someone whom I have needed to hold above that. Needed to think they are above "worst traits."
Everybody needs a hero I guess.

As usual I am wandering. DP you know. I think this post belongs in the main discussion forum, however. While I honestly believe much of the reason I am screwed up came from dying in a car accident, at least some of the reason I am in this mess is because of personality traits, and how those have played into things.
It think I'll stop here. If it goes anywhere I may chime back in. Time to go back to work now though............
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And so the book opens a little more. In revealing the good, bad and ugly you lay yourself open for a barrage of thoughts and opinions. I consider this a strong, brave move.

Is this in some way cathartic for you ?

Does being so poignant change anything for you ?

Why the desire to expose what you perceive ( and some really are :wink: ) as your "worst flaws ?

You're wandering and I'm wondering...DP/DR you know.

Very interesting, sc.
terri*
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Well, I consider it brave. JMHO

I asked the questions not to irritate but because I was genuinely interested. I feel as if I irritated you.

Apologies. :oops:

terri
p.s. I really like that word poignant. Hard to say. Kind of like filet mignon.
Oh yeah, plus, if we're talking about worse traits... I am

dependant
overly sensitive
passive/aggressive
i was told last night, on this site, i was an uneducated idiot...now there's a bad trait for you !
honest
believing
trustworthy

and believe you me, all of these can give you problems.

So there you have it.
terri*
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Ohhh, me too! me too! me too! I'm so bad at the control issue stuff that I forgot to recognize it.

That is a very bad trait. It comes hidden in forms I never knew one could hide it in.

Anybody for dinner? We're having steak!

ohhh, and humble pie. :wink:

terri*


Hey Ken ! Saw this in the paper and thought about your comment.

EDF...this is your worst family/best family ever !

Shelly...yeah, that they would actually say it to me. :lol:

Just thought you guys, especially you SC, might get a kick out of the Garfield thing.
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sooo, now i know...sc is talking behind my back and playing games with my oh so fragile ego and Janine doesn't respect me. ( Yes, this was kiddingly written. )

Yes, Shell is quite the brillant Aussie orangutan...mushy brain and all.

Wendy, I am like you are about the repeated hurts. It took me a long time to come to the conclusion that cutting toxic people out of your life is an okay thing to do. At least you and I think it's okay. :wink:
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