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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
....was in the subject line of an e-mail I recently received. I won't read the e-message (for reasons detailed below), but it got me to thinking about my own worst traits.
I figure everyone has pretty much the same personality traits - there really is nothing new under the sun. It's the degree to and manner in which those traits are expressed that make us the unique individuals we are. As far as what is a "worst trait", well, that's more in the eye of the beholder than anything else. Everyone is different, and everything is relative. For instance, I have typically been attracted to bitchy women. What one person may see as a flaw, another may see as a strength.

So, with those disclaimers, here are some "worst flaws" of mine, as seen through my eyes.......

I tend to dress like I did when in high school. Always have. Jeans, t-shirt and a pair of white Nikes are, to me, good enough for pretty much any occasion. People around me know when summer has arrived, as I reduce that wardrobe to simply jeans and tennies. Actually this is a "worst trait" mostly to my wife. She has recently purchased me my first suit, foolishly believing I will ever actually wear it.

I am always, always late for work. Sometimes a few minutes sometimes a couple of hours. My reasons for my tardiness vary from sleeping in too late to simply being bored. I don't even know how I manage to stay employed.

I tend to think I am much smarter than I actually am. I don't recall being this way before the DP hit, but I am most definitely this way now. Again, there is nothing new under the sun here. There's enough narcissim in this group to choke an entire herd of elephants. I may take things to the extreme in this area, however. Also, I tend to expect others to be pretty much perfect. Doesn't take a Board certified shrink to see all I'm doing is transferring my own hopelesssly high expectations of myself onto others.

I have the gift of being able to rationalize most any type of behaviour. Again, everyone does this to some degree, I just think I do it a bit more than average. This particular trait tends to land me in trouble from time to time.

I tend to............."play" with people. Although that word makes it sound worse than it is (he rationalizes). This is something I've always done, with a marked increase since becoming DP. Each of you, in your own way, will attempt to "sound out" another person. Try to find out what they've got, both in positive and negative terms. You try to get to know them, in part because you don't like to be surprised later. This behaviour is most evident in romantic situations, but applies to a lesser degree in most any interaction between human critters.
I do the same, but again, maybe a bit (alot) more than average. And to be completely honest, I make a game out of it sometimes. And sometimes it is a serious game. Since becoming DP, I do not like being surprised. By anything - or anybody. When first meeting someone, I begin the process of determining if they are able to hurt me, help me, etc. I have a real need to find out their strengths, and weaknesses. All so I am not surprised later. All part of the pathetic control issues I have.
And it is typically very easy to do. Just apply the right amount of pressure in the right area........and you can pretty much find out what a person is made of. The approach I use is different for different people, and it can be interesting. My problem, or my "worst trait" I guess, is that I tend to take things too far in this area. I seem to enjoy exposing people. I play them, as if they are a puppet and I the marionette. Pulling strings pushing buttons to get them to do what I want them to do. Sometimes I do this for a specific purpose - I have been playing one particular person for over seven years now, because knowing her caused me pain. I am trying to get back at her, simple as that. Pulling strings, pushing buttons. Getting her to react the way I want her to react.
I am disgusted with myself for it.
Recently I have done something similar here. Though disappointed with how easy it was - I caused another member to react EXACTLY the way I wanted them to react. Pulled the strings just right. Cause I'm quite good at it.
A pitiful little triumph for sc........

Some people are harder to play than others, though it doesn't seem to be a matter of relative intelligence. More..........how able they are to hide their flaws. Or how willing maybe. The person I just referenced - clearly above average intelligence, yet gave up their secrets quite easily.

Another "worst trait" - when first meeting someone I start from the position that I can trust them completely, then start subtracting from that. Once I start exposing their flaws, THEIR worst traits, that level of trust diminishes. And I can never seem to get it back up to perfect trust again. Basically put - you are my friend until you screw me. Once that happens, we can no longer be friends. Whether or not it was me who caused you to show your hand doesn't matter.

I do not enjoy conflict. And, in fact, will go to great lengths to avoid it. I am afraid of finality. Ending of relationships, etc. The "My Worst Trait" e-mail will go unread. It comes from a person who I have tried my best not to play. A person with definite flaws, someone I could have been having a blast with as far as pulling strings, just for the challenge if nothing else.........but also someone whom I have needed to hold above that. Needed to think they are above "worst traits."
Everybody needs a hero I guess.

As usual I am wandering. DP you know. I think this post belongs in the main discussion forum, however. While I honestly believe much of the reason I am screwed up came from dying in a car accident, at least some of the reason I am in this mess is because of personality traits, and how those have played into things.
It think I'll stop here. If it goes anywhere I may chime back in. Time to go back to work now though............
 

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And so the book opens a little more. In revealing the good, bad and ugly you lay yourself open for a barrage of thoughts and opinions. I consider this a strong, brave move.

Is this in some way cathartic for you ?

Does being so poignant change anything for you ?

Why the desire to expose what you perceive ( and some really are :wink: ) as your "worst flaws ?

You're wandering and I'm wondering...DP/DR you know.

Very interesting, sc.
terri*
 

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I share a few of those too, I guess.

I definitely have to "know" a bit before I'll start to properly "get to know" them. I have to know how they "work" before I'll be willing to talk to them confidently.

I probably talk about myself too much - this is especially bad since I have an incredibly boring life at the moment.

I tend to paradoxically think I'm somehow "better" than a lot of people while maintaning that they're a lot "better" than me. I guess it depends on what area I'm looking at. For example, I might consider someone "better" in certain respects, yet at the back of my mind feel I have the kind of profound understanding that makes me realise the traditional definitions of "better" are meaningless - and hence belive that therefore, I am the best! lol :)

I find myself criticising people for traits that I actually dislike in myself. And I find myself trying to rationalize criticism by saying "such and such does this or that", when in reality I'm just probably envious of them.

I can "play to a crowd" a lot. I don't really abide by a set of core principles and will never really argue my case; I'l rather "go along" with stuff and accept the practices of whoever I'm with almost unquestionably.

I like to think I can "work out" people, although I wouldn't say I "play with them" as such.

I rarely "let my hair down" - I'm probably way too reserved. And I'm far too cautious for my own good.

And I'm dead boring. 8)

I guess that's the only "bad" traits I have that come to mind; although there's doubtless many more. I don't know if these lend themselves to DP or not.
 
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I don't consider this thread particularly brave terri (and your *), nor do I feel I am leaving myself open for any kind of barrage. I assume most people reading this will either see something of themselves in it, or not be interested enough to respond.
If I had any purpose, it was to explain myself to a couple of people in particular. One of whom will respond in one way or another, and the other who will not.
I don't feel I'm getting any cathartic benefit though, and I'd like to hope I could be a at least a little more poignant in print :)
No..........just me, babbling away. One thing I forgot to add - I do this, this playing, both as a survival kind of thing (never be surprised again), as well as simple distraction. Sometimes if I can see how other people are messed up, it makes me feel less bad about myself somehow.
That's part of what keeps me playing with the ex................
 

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Well, I consider it brave. JMHO

I asked the questions not to irritate but because I was genuinely interested. I feel as if I irritated you.

Apologies. :oops:

terri
 

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p.s. I really like that word poignant. Hard to say. Kind of like filet mignon.
 

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Oh yeah, plus, if we're talking about worse traits... I am

dependant
overly sensitive
passive/aggressive
i was told last night, on this site, i was an uneducated idiot...now there's a bad trait for you !
honest
believing
trustworthy

and believe you me, all of these can give you problems.

So there you have it.
terri*
 
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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
whoa.. you're like... it sounds like.... family? Man.. all of you.. you're like the brothers/sisters i never really got. So stoked if only to observe you people. Its like being locked in a room with myself, where myself is multiplexed to study myself. Like a choir. I wonder what it would be like if we all hung out. I hang out with a guy who i know has DP (i refuse to tell him because its funny to hear him say the things ive said to myself, and i refuse to tell myself that our friendship is a disease) and like.. we have so much fun its rediculous. We get fucked up and talk about the philosophical implications of reality.. haha.. its awesome. We should seriously have a yearly meet or something, if only to see what happens when you put this much benign narcisism in one room. So awesome. We could have transparent everythings. hehe.

eDfGr33n
"stoked!!!!"
 
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Terri*, that is so terrible. I always found you to be a VERy well-educated idiot (much like myself)

My worst traits mostly cluster around control issues. I get shy, scared, and very self-destructive when I feel out of control. When/if someone hurts me, or rejects me...I run. And the most pathetic thing is that I run from EVERYone - even from poor good souls who did nothing to me.

And then I have to try to clean it all up.

And it makes me feel very very bad.

I tend to take things out on the wrong people.

There.
confessional 101.

Love to all you idiots,
J
 

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Ohhh, me too! me too! me too! I'm so bad at the control issue stuff that I forgot to recognize it.

That is a very bad trait. It comes hidden in forms I never knew one could hide it in.

Anybody for dinner? We're having steak!

ohhh, and humble pie. :wink:

terri*
 
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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I've always like the word "conundrum." Poignant is O.K. too I guess.
And of course you didn't irritate me terri (you uneducated idiot). I am DP - it takes lots and lots to make me feel irritated, or anything else for that matter.
And I'm in for dinner. Get a big group together though - I want lots of opportunities to play with people you know (it's so, so easy. I have a permanent sore spot on the right side of my rib cage due to my wife's elbow hitting me there so often when we're out with people. "You're playing again, knock it off! Smart, AND bitchy. Just the way I like 'em)
 
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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
My worse traits....

1. I am so stubborn.... trouble to liscen to what people really say. I tend to keep my opinion.

2. Feel always inferior to all people in the world. They all seem more smart than me, more... ALL : I always feel stupid, idiot, not able to work like a normal person. That makes me shy and I have trouble to integrate in a new group (at work, example). I always think they think I am so annoying, or stupid, or etc. I prefer to be alone than confront people.

3. I am obsessive (about Internet, DP/DR, myself). It's obvious.

4. I have a tentencie to big depression... like nothing can be better, I'll always stay like that. I always need reassurance, from anyone, and psys, docs, etc.

5. I am so perfectionnist I can't accept to be just OK. If I feel I will fail in an activity, or make a fool of myself, I don't do it.

6. I am afraid of ALL! :( Illness, meds, etc.

That is all, for now !:)

Cyn xxx
 

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I might start a thread encouraging people to list there best traits...but until then...

My worst traits

Like Janine, if anyone rejects me then I too run. In order to show them exactly what they're missing, to make them feel bad and see that they want me really! Infuriating for my boyfriend

Talk too much

Hate authority and react very badly at being told what to do. I Know what's best for me, even if I'm not doing it, so please don't point out that I'm ignoring what I already know....etc

Hate criticism, again, especially if people point out what I already know to be true

Hate not being the best at a sport or skill. Would rather be the worst than in the middle. Can't bear to be beaten at arm wrestling by another girl, nearly broke my friends arm last night trying to win

Have deep seated belief that I will only be happy with my body if I am thin

I really could go on
 
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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
That I can cut people, when they hurt me, out of my life in an instant.
It takes me quite some work to NOT do it eventually (when I decide I do wanna keep them).

I think thats my worst. :shock:
 
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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Terri I'm so surprised somebody here would actually say this to you.
If said to me........not so surprised because I am uneducated in a formal sense and I can be such an idiot.
The person who said this to you is an even bigger idiot.
 

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I can be quite loud and bombastic ;)

(btw sorry if I offended anyone, that was not the original intent of what I was trying to say. But that's all overwith...so...sorry.)
 

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Hey Ken ! Saw this in the paper and thought about your comment.

EDF...this is your worst family/best family ever !

Shelly...yeah, that they would actually say it to me. :lol:

Just thought you guys, especially you SC, might get a kick out of the Garfield thing.
 
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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
At the risk of narcissistic injury that I will be ridiculed for psychoanalyzing a cartoon, lol....I do want to add one valid point here to my fellow ego maniacs.

Garfield is using VERY healthy narcissism. WHile it's FUNNY, and we may recognize ourselves sometimes, lol...there is nothing at all wrong with G's use of delusion up there. He's making the best of a curious situation. A paranoid would assume he was being stared at as a target. A depressed person might assume he was being stared at in silent criticism. An anxiety patient might think "oh, he's noticing I look strange..maybe something is wrong!"

The narcissist is ONLY creating problems for himself when he loses perspective. If he can turn in his Garfield-way, a neutral situation into an ego boost, so be it. BUT...if he then NEEDS confirmation daily that he is indeed "stare-worthy" that's when he's asking for trouble.

Balance. All about balance and perspective. Two things that many people with narcissistic disturbances are not good at.

Okay. Done now.
LOL,
J
 
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