This is definitely my last blog entry. I've said that before, but felt I still had more to say. I will still answer any questions anyone has, so please don't hesitate to get some guidance from someone who has achieved recovery.
As of right now, I am post 8 months since I first experienced DP/DR. I have been progressive and diligent in my recovery and I've landed myself back into the reality that I used to know before I had DP. Life is GREAT! Sure it has it's challenges, but I don't sweat the small stuff anymore. I see life as an adventure now rather than some crumby thing I go through every day. I find the beauty in everything, my eyes are open to opportunities and I don't hesitate to do anything anymore.
I haven't had a moment of DP in probably 2 months. I don't have that heavy weight on my shoulders anymore wondering if I'm going to be okay, because I am okay. Some of the things that I did for myself to reach recovery were letting go of getting angry, not taking things on that I knew would be too much for me, and always looking for the positives. It's easy in life to see how bad everything is, but if we trust ourselves we will overcome anything.
My most recent experiences with dealing with change is my moving plans. When I really started reaching the end of my recovery, I decided to make some changes in my life to be happier. For me, this meant moving out of Chicago and closer to home to be with my family and friends, and honestly to be closer to nature. These are the things that kept me level headed in the past and theyre what brought the most joy to my life. I used to fear change, because it's what got me in this mess in the first place. But when I started looking at it differently, I began to embrace it. It isn't something I should be afraid of, it's something I should be excited for. Deciding to move out of state was terrifying to me for a while, because everything is unknown. The future is uncertain and scary. I reflected on all the other times I've faced change in my life. Moving out of my parents house, going to college, moving out of state to Chicago, various job changes. And you know what? I was just fine. It was overwhelming to be honest, but I've gained more than I've lost.
So now here I am, recovered and trying to change my life as I know it. Literally everything will be different. Different city, different apartment, new job. I'm going after an entirely new lifestyle, and it's exciting! If I weren't recovered, I can only imagine what kind of havok I would be experiencing, but recovery changes your mindset. Yes, you will return to complete normalcy after you are recovered. Everything that once plagued you will be gone. You will not carry anything with you that you are experiencing at this moment. You will gain so much. You will trust yourself, you will respect yourself and you will love yourself because that's how you get out of the DP cycle. DP is a great teacher, it's telling you that things in your life need to change. Maybe you hate your job, or you're in a bad relationship, or you're just generally unhappy with your life. So change it!
One thing in life is certain, that nothing is certain. Change is a part of life. What is life without change? The sooner you face your fears, the better you'll become at facing life and ultimately embracing it.
Right now, my life is very uncertain. I can't actually move until 1. I find a subleaser for my apartment. 2. I find a job. 3. I get a car. 4. I save money.
But it's okay. I've always taken care of myself in worse situtations and I know that everything will work out. I don't worry so much. I don't stress over things that are out of my control. I just do the best that I can to get what I want out of life and leave the rest up to my higher power. It's worked out for me so far, so why would I question it? Life has a funny way of working it's self out. Don't despair, you will be just fine!
For anyone that feels hopeless, who feels like there is nothing left to life but DP, there is so much more. When I struggled with DP for the first few months, I was suicidal. I didn't want to live the rest of my life feeling how I was. I refused. But I always remembered this little saying, "Suicide is a permanant solution to a temporary problem" and it's so true. I know how low you feel, how scared you are. I know that it seems like you will live the rest of your life like this and that there is no hope. I know, I've felt the same way. But here I am, grateful to be alive and happy. I know you don't want to die, you just don't want to feel like this anymore. So dont. Reach out to someone, even me. Remember that this is temporary, and you need to work for recovery. You have to be aggressive and want it! It's easy to feel sorry for ourselves and feel like we're the victim of this vicious condition, but you have to get out of that mindset and know that recovery is possible for you.
You will get through this. You will get your life back.
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could
be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Depersonalization Support Forum
A forum community dedicated to support for those living with depersonalization disorder. Come join the discussion about treatment, health, life styles, spirituality, medication, research, recovery, and more!
