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I had advocated before for natural approaches in dealing with DP. However, following a nerve-racking experience that almost completely debilitated me, I was forced to seek out professional help.

So what had changed? Well for instance, stupidly bolting out of the house late in the evening with no license and an expired registration just to grab something to eat because I couldn't wait until the next day...yeah that decision spiraled me down a rabbit hole I thought I was never gonna come out from.

Long story short, on my way back from getting something to eat, there were stationed police cars pulling over civilians and checking their documents. Me, having DP, was already getting a mild panic attack because like I mentioned before, I had no license on me and the car I was driving -- it wasn't my car -- had an expired registration sticker (I didnt know it was expired up until then).

Anyway, I get pulled over and wait for an unnerving 40 minutes. During that time I thought I was done for. Now I"m generally a nervous person, suffer from anxiety and that is probably what depersonalized me in the first place anyway.

Crazy unbridled thoughts were running in my mind. I began to shake and wanted to flee the scene, although I knew that would probably get me into more trouble.

Finally the cop came back walking toward the car and handed me a copy of a fine. I return home, and look up the violation.

Now in the state I am in, getting caught without a license while driving is a misdemeanor which can land you in jail for no more than one year!

And no, being arrested on the spot is not necessary. You can be arrested later for the charge. Usually a warrant is sent out to you to formally turn yourself in at your local precinct.

Needless to say, I was freaking out! I'm tough guy, I'm tall and strong and I don't easily flinch, so inmates and other peeps were not really my problem...MY fear was confined spaces!

Yeap, claustrophobia. Add that to the mix of DP, and you are bound to lose ALL sense of reality.

Now I'm sitting there at home with this document in my hand stating that "if convicted, you assume all penalties and fines imposed...".

My head was spinning because all I could think of was those tiny four walls waiting for me, and, if I was unlucky, I had to share that tiny cell with some stranger.

This is what triggered my batshit-crazy panic attack that led me to the hospital (1st time in like ever).

I was given Xanax and a referral for therapy.

I promised a short story yet here I am.

The GOOD NEWS!

I was scared for nothing. My violation it seemed was only for the expired registration. Apparently me driving without a license was not a big issue since I had told the cop honestly how I forgot it at home and lived close by.

I was never charged for not carrying my license. And as for the other charge, yes, there is a possibility of jail time (15days) but that is only if caught on your 2nd offense and subsequent offense and EVEN then, it is quite rare for a judge to impose jail time.

All I got was a 130$ fine.

Now on to Lexapro:

I've been on it for almost two weeks and I must say it has helped me a lot. I'm not sure if the weeks that I was waiting for my 'conviction' made me feel more alive than ever ( constant elevated stress) or if it was the Lexapro that I started after OR maybe a combination of both. Whatever the case, I still have DP BUT I"ve been neglecting sort to say, my DP.

I don't notice it as much as before and even now it isn't that intense.
 
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