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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi all!

So let me tell You my horrible story, or stories, cause it has two parts.
I am a 25-year-old girl, and I first met this DP/DR disorder when I was 19. I don' t know, what my underlying problem was then, I was happy, I had no problems. It was summer, I had a new boyfriend, I was in love. From one day to another, I started to feel myself very strange. It was horrible. I was terribly afraid of getting mad or loosing my mind. I didn't tell my problem anybody, cause I was afraid of putting me in a mental-hospital. I had a terrible summer, and a terrible fall. Later I got used to this strange feeling and it was better. After nearly 12 months, this awful DP/DR felling went away quickly when spring arrived. It was amazing.
I didn' know than, that DP/DR disorder exists.

At the end of this summer, I started to feel a very light but contant dizziness. It wasn't a real, whirl vertigo, it was only a soft feelig. So gentle, that I was not always sure, that it is really a dizziness.
I have a new relationship since August, I am not in real love, but I love my boyfriend. We had/have may disagreements, he is a very negative, pessimistic, silent, too quiet person (and I am very positive, energetic, optimistic, talkative and outgoing), so we are oppositions to each other in many things. I have never had a boyfriend like him before, I always have boyfriends with the same temperament I have.
Maybe this is very strange in my life now, and I am not in the least sure, that He is my best partner. Maybe this is my subconsious problem now...
So in September, I had a real panic attack. I was driving, when I started to feel a bad feeling in my chest. I felt quick palpitation, choking and I was sure, that I had a heart attack and I will die. It was a terrible 10-15 minutes. But nothing happened, I didn't die, my heart didn' stop. I said: 'OK, it was a panic attack' and I stopped thinking about it.
Two weeks later, at the beggining of October, I had a very strange experience.
I was driving on the motorway, a friend of mine was sitting next to me and we were chatting. Suddenly, I felt very sick, but it had no leading symptom. Something warm ran through my body and everything happened very fast. I was terribly uncomfortable, and I had mortal fear. My field of vision pinched and I felt that I will surely die. It was like as I was stepping out of my body, or as I was going to totally dissolve. It was an awful, mistic and unearthly feeling. During that 'attack" I kept driving on the motorway I and remember everything, I could keep talking to my friend of mine, who didn't notice anything of my "attack". Of course, after that my heart was fluttering and I was psyched out. One question was only in my mind: 'What was that?' Was it something about my blood circulation, or my blood-sugar fell down? Or may I have a brain tumor?
I was totally upset, and I was really afraid of that. I had another idea, that it might be a panic attack as well.
I couldn't forget that strange and mistic feeling of dissolution, so I think it was the base of my second "dissolution-attack" what come 10 days after. It was as horrible as the first, it happenened during driving again. After that second "attack", a terrible fear or anxiety snuged itself in my heart. For the next week or more I couldn't eat a bite, my heart was fluttering all day, my blood-pressure was high, I was sweating, I had diarrhea. I became a living-dead, and with this terrible constant anxiety of the "dissolution-attack", I realized that DP and DR came into my life. Everything was very strange, anyway it was strange being. It is nearly 6 weeks that than second "attack" happened and I still have this DP/DR problem. It is sometimes better, sometimes worse, sometimes I would like to cut my blood vessels.
And beside the constans DP/DR that I feel, I have "dissolution-attacks" every day, or in every two days. These attacks like a very strong DP/DR feeling whith panic, I would like to run out of the World, I would like to escape from my mind, but I can not!
I feel divorced from myself, alone, strange, weird, sometimes dead, remote. I feel that I am only a spectator in my own life and it is only a TV movie. I feel no time, no past and no future. Everybody and everything is strange to me, though I know everything in my mind, I can not really feel it! I feel like looking through a grey veil, or a glass. My life is like I was only dreaming, but I can not wake up and it is so terrifying! Everything (objects, landscapes) seem to be arificial, like I was on an LSD trip!

I visited a psychiatrist, she told me, that I had panic-attacks (even that dissolution-feeling was that) and because of the DP/DR I have depression. I got Paroxat and Xanax SR 0,5g but I didn't started to take them.
I am a little bit against of medicaments, I have heard lots of brutal side-effects (post side effects) of the different SSRIs.
Maybe a therapy would be much better!

Please, help me if you can! Is it possible to get better without medicaments again?
Should I visit a neurologist as well? (MRI, EEG examinations)
What is the most effective treatment of DP/DR? Medicament or therapy?
Is it possible, that I have this DP/DR because of that one week terrible anxiety?
Could be these dissoltion-attacks real panic-attacks? (I do not trust in my psychiatrist's worlds much)

Thanx for reading my problem, sorry for my English, cause I am from Hungary!


148 Posts
first of all, you're not alone who is having this
but i know how you feel, (or how you don't feel at all)
indeed, horrible ------>wish you luck

i don't know if those medication will help, i have no experience with medication
but i believe therapy can help a lot.
maybe then you can find a reason for all of this...


I wish you tons of luck with your DPD.

I remember the first really bad panic attack that I had. I thought that I was losing my mind. I cried uncontrollably afterwards. It was really horrible.

But beating this thing really is the most important thing. Therapy has started to help me somewhat.

Take Care
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