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my thoughts, do they look like DP or DR?

1292 Views 7 Replies 4 Participants Last post by  Sojourner
I hope that yet another effort to describe my thoughts is tolerable. If not, well, I am out of luck. I think that the following text is the best description for today.

Saying it in a phrase: Things are taking place, but I am cut off from the whole procedure

My thoughts are weird. Not the issues, but the process itself.

Like there is something wrong but I cannot become more specific. It's like my thoughts have no base. I will define base: a completely stable place, a center of acceptances that every other thought begins from. Something that cannot be shaked in no way. A place where you can step on and start to move on other things.

My consideration/regard about the world, myself, and all the things I percieve are like absent, or have very small impact on my mind in order to charactirize them "realistic" (I have a reason for not using the word "real").

The meanings, the objects. the people, are not familiar, or the familiarity is changing face/type and I cannot catch up.

I am usually in a kind of sleep, where there is something like an assurance ("I assure you") about incidents and their impact. Here is an attempt to make an image of my feeling: I am standing on a soft pillow but the pillow is hovering above the void :) nothingness).

On some other moments, the incidents feel like awfully strange, and somtimes this is escorted by a changing of the colours' contrast of my vision. Examples of incidents: a raindrop, an explosion, or me calling a friend with his name.

I am in doubt of every single description I make about my condition. I usually absorb any abnormalities that I notice and keep myself in this "sleep" I mentioned above. There are times I am saying "this", but other times that I am saying "that" (instability between descriptions, but there are boundaries on the variety of descriptions). All this time, I am thinking that descriptions were not correct.

If I could, I would start every phrase of this description with "I think that...". But it would be "too much".

I have no way to confirm my thoughts. The weight of my things is varying.

Sometimes (like now) I don't actually believe that I am living. I have this thought (or rather "feeling") that I have been in my bed for the last few years, and all the things I see, hear, and do (like writing this text right now) is a delusion.

When I notice an incident and turn my focus on it, it's essense is changing in a strange way: like it never existed. Examples of such incidents: I understand a meaning, something that I recently learned (knowledge of something, like biology), someone tells me some news, someone agrees with me.

I am forgeting my past descriptions of my symptoms or I remember them but it feels like there weren't mine descriptions.

By the time I got writing till this point, I had forgoten what I had written so far.

Feels like I am touching only the surface of things.

The reasons that I do things, always involves a level of fogginess.

Sometimes I have no motive to do things that are necessary, like eat, answer the phone, etc.

I am 70% confused. This means that there are things that I can keep doing, and apparently, what is preventing me to do things is the lack of "pleasure" that I recieve from the world.

When I read my text again it was feeling very distant from the things that I wrote.

I can predict that if anyone sais "I can relate to this" I will instantly stop believing that I have that "symptom".
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Your brain is an organ of your body, just like your pancreas. Things can go wrong with the brain, just like they can with the pancreas.

When an organ of the body does not function properly, one generally goes to professionals who have studied the health and disease of body organs for advice.

By the way, I can't remember the location of the thread, but I responded to your last post with some suggestions about getting more information.
Sounds to me like a loss of the sense of "personal agency" -- depersonalization.

I understand what you've written, Brain, because that's similar to what people talk about here and what I experienced in an anxiety attack.

It is, like Janine said, an "altered state of consciousness." It is not the normal way we usually live in our bodies, with a sense of "unity" that we don't even think about.

I, too, am confused by your last sentence!

It's also a sort of existential statement of reality; but if we allowed ourselves to dwell in it, or seek it as an escape from reality, we will go off the deep end (go crazy). And permanently.

A sense of well-being is what is normal, even though we may have many problems. What you describe obviously concerns you and doesn't seem like your normal "home."

Existence is itself entirely like this, but we just do not NOTICE it when we have a sense of well-being. Being alive is a very strange thing; when you are "normal" again, take a moment to "zone out" and see that you can have the same viewpoint from an entirely normal-feeling perspective. It's so scary, though, that people are naturally repelled by it and do not seek it willingly, except sometimes in therapy, where it is safe to mention to one's therapist that one feels oddly detached, as if one were both living in the body sitting there, but yet at the same time observing as a neutral third person in the room. (That's just one manifestation of depersonalization.) It is a scary feeling when it is dipped into briefly, which is why we don't like when it becomes permanent.

I found that the only time I had it involuntarily was during a panic attack. And the panic attacks are responding to antidepressants, as my doctor said they would. Which is why I keep suggesting that you go to the doctor for this if you are bothered by it. You probably do not like how you feel. If I am wrong, please tell me. If you liked it, though, why are you here?

If you do not like it, go see a doctor for at least some short term relief. During that time, you can consider whether there are other alternatives.

You do not have to live with this without help -- that's what I'm saying.
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You tell them:

"I do not know how to 'be in the present moment'. How can I learn to do this? I am caught up in a never-ending spiral of thought that leads nowhere."
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