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my thoughts, do they look like DP or DR?

1312 Views 7 Replies 4 Participants Last post by  Sojourner
I hope that yet another effort to describe my thoughts is tolerable. If not, well, I am out of luck. I think that the following text is the best description for today.

Saying it in a phrase: Things are taking place, but I am cut off from the whole procedure

My thoughts are weird. Not the issues, but the process itself.

Like there is something wrong but I cannot become more specific. It's like my thoughts have no base. I will define base: a completely stable place, a center of acceptances that every other thought begins from. Something that cannot be shaked in no way. A place where you can step on and start to move on other things.

My consideration/regard about the world, myself, and all the things I percieve are like absent, or have very small impact on my mind in order to charactirize them "realistic" (I have a reason for not using the word "real").

The meanings, the objects. the people, are not familiar, or the familiarity is changing face/type and I cannot catch up.

I am usually in a kind of sleep, where there is something like an assurance ("I assure you") about incidents and their impact. Here is an attempt to make an image of my feeling: I am standing on a soft pillow but the pillow is hovering above the void :) nothingness).

On some other moments, the incidents feel like awfully strange, and somtimes this is escorted by a changing of the colours' contrast of my vision. Examples of incidents: a raindrop, an explosion, or me calling a friend with his name.

I am in doubt of every single description I make about my condition. I usually absorb any abnormalities that I notice and keep myself in this "sleep" I mentioned above. There are times I am saying "this", but other times that I am saying "that" (instability between descriptions, but there are boundaries on the variety of descriptions). All this time, I am thinking that descriptions were not correct.

If I could, I would start every phrase of this description with "I think that...". But it would be "too much".

I have no way to confirm my thoughts. The weight of my things is varying.

Sometimes (like now) I don't actually believe that I am living. I have this thought (or rather "feeling") that I have been in my bed for the last few years, and all the things I see, hear, and do (like writing this text right now) is a delusion.

When I notice an incident and turn my focus on it, it's essense is changing in a strange way: like it never existed. Examples of such incidents: I understand a meaning, something that I recently learned (knowledge of something, like biology), someone tells me some news, someone agrees with me.

I am forgeting my past descriptions of my symptoms or I remember them but it feels like there weren't mine descriptions.

By the time I got writing till this point, I had forgoten what I had written so far.

Feels like I am touching only the surface of things.

The reasons that I do things, always involves a level of fogginess.

Sometimes I have no motive to do things that are necessary, like eat, answer the phone, etc.

I am 70% confused. This means that there are things that I can keep doing, and apparently, what is preventing me to do things is the lack of "pleasure" that I recieve from the world.

When I read my text again it was feeling very distant from the things that I wrote.

I can predict that if anyone sais "I can relate to this" I will instantly stop believing that I have that "symptom".
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the fog aka james herbert,

Sometimes (like now) I don't actually believe that I am living. I have this thought (or rather "feeling") that I have been in my bed for the last few years, and all the things I see, hear, and do (like writing this text right now) is a delusion

To be alive again,
to be motivated,
to feel empathy,
to know your goals are attainable,
to feel fear and get an adrenalin rush,
to recognise your own family,
to be your old self around your friends,
to be able to relate to the outside world,
to do things not for the sake of seeing if DP diminishes,
to not watch others and wonder how or why,
and the fog lifts and no one asks what is wrong with U.

How do you explain any of this to someone, proffesional or not who has not experienced it, been consumed by it, u can't and thats its glory.
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