let me begin this thread by saying that i have great faith in my therapist with whom a beautiful relationship is developing.
to most, id wager his style would seem a bit unconventional. our therapy session runs like this: i come in, plop myself on the couch. he is nodding already, even before i begin to speak. then i say something like this: "i have so much to tell you, where do i begin..." my heart is racing and he tells me to slow down. then i introduce some topic, to which he offers some response, and then i speak again... it's very much a dialectical relationship.
it's been mostly positive so far. i see him as a real individual, not just some therapist, which is a huge step for me. sometimes when i tell him about something that is bothering me, he will offer a similar anecdote from his past, or tell me about something from his family life. so i know lots about him. we connect.
sometimes though, he likes to go on these long ass tirades. i like listening to him talk, don't get me wrong. he usually has something very valuable to say. BUT because of the way i experience DP i tend to blank out and forget everything i wanted to say because im so busy listening to him, and because im afraid he'll cut me off. he does that alot. i think he is trying to teach me what is 'relevant' or whatever. but sometimes i don't know what's relevant. and i am scared to cut him off, because i very much need his approval in alot of ways.
maybe we got too close? i tried to tell him all this today. it took me all session. i had points where i totally blanked out, lost it, even spoke in word salad once like i had broca's aphasia. then he goes: "boundaries. we are WAY over time. we talk for an hour, that's what we do." that kind of hurt. and then he proceeds to go on and on for another ten minutes!
why do i have such a hard time telling him that this is a problem?
to most, id wager his style would seem a bit unconventional. our therapy session runs like this: i come in, plop myself on the couch. he is nodding already, even before i begin to speak. then i say something like this: "i have so much to tell you, where do i begin..." my heart is racing and he tells me to slow down. then i introduce some topic, to which he offers some response, and then i speak again... it's very much a dialectical relationship.
it's been mostly positive so far. i see him as a real individual, not just some therapist, which is a huge step for me. sometimes when i tell him about something that is bothering me, he will offer a similar anecdote from his past, or tell me about something from his family life. so i know lots about him. we connect.
sometimes though, he likes to go on these long ass tirades. i like listening to him talk, don't get me wrong. he usually has something very valuable to say. BUT because of the way i experience DP i tend to blank out and forget everything i wanted to say because im so busy listening to him, and because im afraid he'll cut me off. he does that alot. i think he is trying to teach me what is 'relevant' or whatever. but sometimes i don't know what's relevant. and i am scared to cut him off, because i very much need his approval in alot of ways.
maybe we got too close? i tried to tell him all this today. it took me all session. i had points where i totally blanked out, lost it, even spoke in word salad once like i had broca's aphasia. then he goes: "boundaries. we are WAY over time. we talk for an hour, that's what we do." that kind of hurt. and then he proceeds to go on and on for another ten minutes!
why do i have such a hard time telling him that this is a problem?
