Almost 7 months ago like many of us here, I had a bad panic attack from a high dose of weed. I never experienced a panic attack in my life and was not a regular smoker ( tried weed 4-5 times).
That night I thought I was going to die from heart failure or something like that. I remember even at some point I felt my body and especially my hands going cold thinking that my heart stopped and said to myself: "That's it, I'm dead" and feeling during that moment the back of my head tingling. I realized the dr while high and having that panic attack, I felt like my whole world shrank if that makes any sense. I couldn't sleep and kept feeling bad until I saw the morning light and parents getting up. I felt a big relief just to be alive.
But I was shaken. Everything was kinda blurry or loss of focus. I knew something was wrong.
After a couple of weeks, my anxiety diminished but the derealization ( the best way to describe it at the moment was like it felt like in a dream) was still ongoing so I went to a doctor who prescribed me an SSRI ( Seroxat or Paxil in the US).
So during that moment, I had to take a semester off and was spending my time on pc games to distract my anxious mind ( I was playing an mmo game and interacting with people from my guild on voice chat on discord). During that time I used to sleep around 4 am and wake up like 12-1. I know it was late But I used to sleep happy. And after 1 month after taking the meds and distracting myself I felt completely recovered from dr and decided to stop the med. And 2 months passed by and I was feeling fine but when time had come to take a summer semester, I relapsed. I remember I was sitting outside my campus and looking at this clear blue summer sky and it gave me a disconnected feeling. Other people experience this https://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/88506-sunlight-light-sensitivity-last-hurdle-help/
but not sure why this happens. I felt a kind of emptiness and sadness but quickly overcame that. The thing is here is what I have and don't have:
- Feels like I'm floating
- The room I'm in is the only room that exists. Like it feels there is void outside my field of vision https://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/35795-no-spatial-awareness-and-other-things/#entry281237
- Clear blue sky sets me off for some reason. I don't why it feels so bright and probably 2d.
- OCD ( More on the obsessional ideas aspect of it. Started when I was 15 used to get hypochondriac, fearing of getting cancer )
- Emotional numbness ( I can feel a wide range of emotions )
- Stranger to myself or other people feel strange( I recognize myself in the mirror)
My derealization is better than it was before the meds. I don't necessarily feel like it used to be indoors and in malls. It's just an overall sensation that I'm trapped inside a crystal glass.
I want to keep medication as my last bullet.,But I wonder if someone experienced these symptoms and overcame them. I also can't stop thinking about why there are so many similarities between our symptoms and sometimes so much difference ( People getting depersonalization and emotional numbness instead or even getting both dp dr) Your thoughts on this?