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Hi everyone,

first I want to apologize if my English is not perfect, since English is not my native language.

I'm living with DP/DR for about 6 years now (with a interuption of 2 years) and have now decided to share my story.

It started when I was 17 years old, just a few days after I got together with my first boyfriend. It was a exhausting day and when I lay in bed that night I suddenly noticed that something was wrong with me. On the next days this "wrong" became more concrete, in the sense that I didn't feel myself completly (at that time it was mainly DP). This feeling didn't disappear the next day, or week, or month or year. It stayed for almost 2 years until my ex-boyfriend broke up with me. In this two years the feeling changed from time to time and in addition I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks. At that time I didn't know what this weird feeling was and felt completly alone with it.

After the break up I began to recover and felt normal again (for about 2 years).

Then I met my now boyfriend and we started dating. I had some doubts and feared that the feeling would come back again. But nevertheless I got in a relationship with him. And unfortunately the DP came back and so did the anxiety and panic attacks. Since I already knew that feeling it was easier for me to manage living with it and I had a few moments where I completly forgot about it.

Then at the beginning of 2020 after a stressful day I had a panic attack. Since then the DP/DR is much worse. I'm now going to a therapist, but I'm not sure if this will help me much.

It feels like I left out so many important aspects of my story, but writting about it (especially about how I felt in the last few months) is not that easy. What's hard for me to unterstand is that I don't know any "big issue" (in my childhood) that could have triggered the DP/DR and why I only feel it when I'm in a relationship. I couldn't find someone with a similar story.

I'm thankful for every answer.
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