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Hi everyone!! Nice to meet you, despite the circumstances. My name is Lulu and I'm a 22 year old girl(just turned last week happy birthday to me :D) anywho, here goes.

I was almost done with my senior year of high school. My friends and I all smoked a lot of weed and had been for the past two years. I started to notice that I was feeling "high" all the time, even if I hadn't smoked that day. I assumed it was just stoner brain and if I stopped smoking, it would stop. I quit smoking and it didnt go away. I wasnt frightened by it yet, but I went to the doctor and told them I might have ADD. They could tell from a single conversation with me that I didn't. So I was a bit confused, still not worried. Then one day in class I had a dizzy spell that turned into my first panic attack. After that they started happening almost every day at school. My doctor prescribed me zoloft and xanax and i was actually relieved. I thought that the medicine would take care of the panic attacks AND the constant high i seemed to be stuck in. Well, you all know how it goes. What i had was derealization and it never went away. My life since then has been a rollercoaster of meds, psychiatrists, therapists, terrible health anxiety and hospital visits. When I was 19 I picked up smoking weed again for about 9 months. At this point I figured I was stuck this way for life, so it couldnt get any worse. Then one night I had the craziest panic attack I'd ever had. That was my first trip to the ER, and ever since, I've not only been constantly high feeling but also constantly anxious. Terrified even, sometimes. Gahhh how I wish I could go back in time and never smoke. Its been 5 years since I've felt real. Caffeine seems to help me, oddly enough, but it also can make the anxiety worse.I'm on 3 meds right now, though at this point im pretty pessimistic about medication since I've been on 20 or so different kinds. Anywho, that's my tragic story. I'll probably be using this forum to ask if I'm dying every other day, lmao. But hopefully i can help some of you too. :)
 

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Hello and welcome to the community.

I imagine you will find many people here who can relate to your experiences.

Wishing you all the best.
 
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