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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm Lauren and I'm 16. Born and raised in Texas and I'm the youngest of 4. My sisters are 27 and 34 and my brother is 18...so I don't see much of them.

Well I think all the anxiety and stuff started in 5th grade. I was 11 and I had my first panic attack in the car. I didn't think much of it and they didn't happen very often. Maybe once a month.

Guess I should back track a lil. I was a very very shy kid. I hated drawing attention to myself but I loved attention. I don't know if that makes sense. Oh and I was also born with lamellar ichthyosis...a rare skin disorder blah blah. I have very dry skin, no sweat glands, and get dehydrated/overheated easily. But it's not that bad so don't think I'm trying to throw a pit party :? . Anyways..I'm still trying to figure out if it has anything to do with anxiety.

I started 2nd grade in a small private school and (for the most part) had the same group of friends until 8th grade. They were accepting..of my skin and everything. I started having panic attacks during school but I just thought it was..normal. My mom and I both agreed I needed to relax and stop worrying so much. And I thought I had everything under control.

I started having panic attacks almost every night and thought I was dying of some terrible heart disease. I told my friend and she told me I could be a walking time bomb and needed to go to the doctor. I panicked more but never went to the doctor.

High School started and I couldn't wait to make new friends. I just knew I was going to be so popular. I was gonna start partying and meeting guys and my anxiety would go away. But my anxiety started getting worse. I was getting panic attacks almost every day at school and didn't want to tell anyone. And I was always dreaming of becoming someone famous. Someone everyone looked up to. I would daydream in class without even realizing it. ahh. My mom always kind of...supported my dreams. She told me I was great at everything even though I'm not. I don't think that helped.

So I won't go into detail but things started getting worse. With anxiety that is. I started going out less and having more panic attacks and anxiety. I do remember two things though. Last November my parents forgot my birthday in the morning. I was mad for a little bit but decided to forgive them, because I know how easy it is to forget birthdays and everything. So I told my mom that I wuold forgive her and she didn't even admit to forgetting!! She said "It's not like I was going to forget all day" I was mad about that, but forgot about it. Then the next week we went to NYC with my aunt and uncle. My brother and I got in a little typical sibling fight and my mom was embarrased and when my aunt and uncle went to bed she just exploded and told me she hated me. I was mad but decided to forgive her again and she was trying to act nice the next day ..like nothing happened. So the rest of the trip I was so...confused/mad/sad and didn't look at my mom the same.

and then last year I started going out with friends less. My friends had new friends..new boyfriends. They had fun and I wanted to so bad but I just didn't feel like I fit in with them. Only at school. My anxiety got worse. I was having panic attacks more and more. And then in April things started getting better. I still had a lot of anxiety, but was able to control my panic attacks. It felt great and I just felt so good about my family and friends and God and I felt like I couldn't go anywhere but up.

Earlier this summer I was looking up a book on the internet about a girl who 'went crazy' and had to go to a psych ward and everything. She's bipolar. It was a true story and it freaked me out. I finally told my mom that I wanted to go to the doctor get medicine and everything and she told me it was disturbing. She thought I was going crazy. She even told me that when I asked her what she thought about it. So I decided to keep it to myself, I could deinitely handle it. I started feeling worse. More and more anxiety until one day I was about to f-ing lose it and then I just went numb. I thought I was depressed. But it turns out I just have dp and have it since then. I guess that was in..June. I haven'd told my mom, she hasn't asked about it. I know shes just scared to know the truth. For all she knows, I might actually be crazy. No one else in my family knows and I don't plan on going to therapy until I'm old enough to go on my own so I won't have to tell anyone. ahh that's a long time but I would rather do that than disrupt the family because everyone else is finally gettings things together now.

I feel kinda stupid because I havent even been through a lot. I just have anxiety for no reason and I don't know. I left a lot out but I don't think it's that important. I've never tried drinking or smoking. I've pretty much never done anything 'bad'. I know it's my fault but I don't even want to go out anymore I just want to sit home and do my homework. so basically...I'm a loser. :? . even though my mom will never read this, I should apologize because I make her sound like a bad person. She's really not. She just wants the best for me. I think she had/has anxiety problems too and we both just need to face it.

sorry I don't think anyone will read this long and boring story. Even thought I left out some things, it felt good to finally just write about it. Oh and my symptoms today are...foggy feeling, unable to really recognize myself in the mirror or my frineds and family. Nothing else really I just kinda walk around blank.

lauren
 
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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
I'm Lauren and I'm 16. Born and raised in Texas and I'm the youngest of 4. My sisters are 27 and 34 and my brother is 18...so I don't see much of them.

Well I think all the anxiety and stuff started in 5th grade. I was 11 and I had my first panic attack in the car. I didn't think much of it and they didn't happen very often. Maybe once a month.

Guess I should back track a lil. I was a very very shy kid. I hated drawing attention to myself but I loved attention. I don't know if that makes sense. Oh and I was also born with lamellar ichthyosis...a rare skin disorder blah blah. I have very dry skin, no sweat glands, and get dehydrated/overheated easily. But it's not that bad so don't think I'm trying to throw a pit party :? . Anyways..I'm still trying to figure out if it has anything to do with anxiety.

I started 2nd grade in a small private school and (for the most part) had the same group of friends until 8th grade. They were accepting..of my skin and everything. I started having panic attacks during school but I just thought it was..normal. My mom and I both agreed I needed to relax and stop worrying so much. And I thought I had everything under control.

I started having panic attacks almost every night and thought I was dying of some terrible heart disease. I told my friend and she told me I could be a walking time bomb and needed to go to the doctor. I panicked more but never went to the doctor.

High School started and I couldn't wait to make new friends. I just knew I was going to be so popular. I was gonna start partying and meeting guys and my anxiety would go away. But my anxiety started getting worse. I was getting panic attacks almost every day at school and didn't want to tell anyone. And I was always dreaming of becoming someone famous. Someone everyone looked up to. I would daydream in class without even realizing it. ahh. My mom always kind of...supported my dreams. She told me I was great at everything even though I'm not. I don't think that helped.

So I won't go into detail but things started getting worse. With anxiety that is. I started going out less and having more panic attacks and anxiety. I do remember two things though. Last November my parents forgot my birthday in the morning. I was mad for a little bit but decided to forgive them, because I know how easy it is to forget birthdays and everything. So I told my mom that I wuold forgive her and she didn't even admit to forgetting!! She said "It's not like I was going to forget all day" I was mad about that, but forgot about it. Then the next week we went to NYC with my aunt and uncle. My brother and I got in a little typical sibling fight and my mom was embarrased and when my aunt and uncle went to bed she just exploded and told me she hated me. I was mad but decided to forgive her again and she was trying to act nice the next day ..like nothing happened. So the rest of the trip I was so...confused/mad/sad and didn't look at my mom the same.

and then last year I started going out with friends less. My friends had new friends..new boyfriends. They had fun and I wanted to so bad but I just didn't feel like I fit in with them. Only at school. My anxiety got worse. I was having panic attacks more and more. And then in April things started getting better. I still had a lot of anxiety, but was able to control my panic attacks. It felt great and I just felt so good about my family and friends and God and I felt like I couldn't go anywhere but up.

Earlier this summer I was looking up a book on the internet about a girl who 'went crazy' and had to go to a psych ward and everything. She's bipolar. It was a true story and it freaked me out. I finally told my mom that I wanted to go to the doctor get medicine and everything and she told me it was disturbing. She thought I was going crazy. She even told me that when I asked her what she thought about it. So I decided to keep it to myself, I could deinitely handle it. I started feeling worse. More and more anxiety until one day I was about to f-ing lose it and then I just went numb. I thought I was depressed. But it turns out I just have dp and have it since then. I guess that was in..June. I haven'd told my mom, she hasn't asked about it. I know shes just scared to know the truth. For all she knows, I might actually be crazy. No one else in my family knows and I don't plan on going to therapy until I'm old enough to go on my own so I won't have to tell anyone. ahh that's a long time but I would rather do that than disrupt the family because everyone else is finally gettings things together now.

I feel kinda stupid because I havent even been through a lot. I just have anxiety for no reason and I don't know. I left a lot out but I don't think it's that important. I've never tried drinking or smoking. I've pretty much never done anything 'bad'. I know it's my fault but I don't even want to go out anymore I just want to sit home and do my homework. so basically...I'm a loser. :? . even though my mom will never read this, I should apologize because I make her sound like a bad person. She's really not. She just wants the best for me. I think she had/has anxiety problems too and we both just need to face it.

sorry I don't think anyone will read this long and boring story. Even thought I left out some things, it felt good to finally just write about it. Oh and my symptoms today are...foggy feeling, unable to really recognize myself in the mirror or my frineds and family. Nothing else really I just kinda walk around blank.

lauren
 
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Ah, but Grasshopper - you should not discount what you have been through. You suffer from the worst form of anxiety of all - fear of rejection/lack of acceptance. From others, and yourself.
 
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Ah, but Grasshopper - you should not discount what you have been through. You suffer from the worst form of anxiety of all - fear of rejection/lack of acceptance. From others, and yourself.
 
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
i don't know your family Lauren, but from what you posted it sounds like there is some issues there, that have contributed to your anxiety. Im no expert when it comes to any of this, but something just doesn't seem right. Why would your mom tell you that she hates you for getting into an argument with your brother?? Theres has to be something else going on?? I dunno, maybe someone else can explain what im trying to say with more clarity.

I know ive suggested this to you before, but you should really just be honest with your parents and should suggest the idea of therapy, it may help you out alot. Theres only so much this website can do........
 
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
i don't know your family Lauren, but from what you posted it sounds like there is some issues there, that have contributed to your anxiety. Im no expert when it comes to any of this, but something just doesn't seem right. Why would your mom tell you that she hates you for getting into an argument with your brother?? Theres has to be something else going on?? I dunno, maybe someone else can explain what im trying to say with more clarity.

I know ive suggested this to you before, but you should really just be honest with your parents and should suggest the idea of therapy, it may help you out alot. Theres only so much this website can do........
 
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
lol well I didn't want to bore you with the whole story. But I will...we were staying in a hotel. my brother adn I had to sleep on cots in the living room and I had claimed mine and he wouldnt get up when I asked him to. So I was being a brat about it (in front of my aunt) I wanted my bed, and I wasnt going to be nice. My mom was embarrased I was being such a brat. Everyone went to bed and I was getting mad at my brother and my mom came out all flustered and said she hated me and just got mad about the whole thing. I dunno I guess I make it sound worse than it is. It's really one of those things where you get really really mad and just say things when you dont mean them. or atleast I hope thats waht it was. The only family problem I think contributes to my anxiety is my mom having anxiety too and never fully...resolivng it? I dont know but family problems arent an issue
 
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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
lol well I didn't want to bore you with the whole story. But I will...we were staying in a hotel. my brother adn I had to sleep on cots in the living room and I had claimed mine and he wouldnt get up when I asked him to. So I was being a brat about it (in front of my aunt) I wanted my bed, and I wasnt going to be nice. My mom was embarrased I was being such a brat. Everyone went to bed and I was getting mad at my brother and my mom came out all flustered and said she hated me and just got mad about the whole thing. I dunno I guess I make it sound worse than it is. It's really one of those things where you get really really mad and just say things when you dont mean them. or atleast I hope thats waht it was. The only family problem I think contributes to my anxiety is my mom having anxiety too and never fully...resolivng it? I dont know but family problems arent an issue
 

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Could it be all in the head? I mean the fact that "family problems aren't really an issue" thing? I had sh*t going on in my house for years and the fear and uncomfortable feeling of something being not quite right never really registered, until I found out that emotional abuse and physical abuse and mental abuse was actually going on.

Bottom line is, if you don't feel comfortable with someone (or someone is making you uncomfortable), get the hell out of that place. Sometimes emotional abuse can be really subtle, to the point where you just don't realise it's happening. We don't need to feel bad all the time, you know.

I suppose partly it's the high expectations people have of you and that need to be somebody that may be giving you issues. Perhaps you need to take some time off and just be yourself? "Stop Trying to be and Be" is what I told myself some time back(when my head was messed up, granted.)

Wish you luck in curing your anxiety gal.
 

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Could it be all in the head? I mean the fact that "family problems aren't really an issue" thing? I had sh*t going on in my house for years and the fear and uncomfortable feeling of something being not quite right never really registered, until I found out that emotional abuse and physical abuse and mental abuse was actually going on.

Bottom line is, if you don't feel comfortable with someone (or someone is making you uncomfortable), get the hell out of that place. Sometimes emotional abuse can be really subtle, to the point where you just don't realise it's happening. We don't need to feel bad all the time, you know.

I suppose partly it's the high expectations people have of you and that need to be somebody that may be giving you issues. Perhaps you need to take some time off and just be yourself? "Stop Trying to be and Be" is what I told myself some time back(when my head was messed up, granted.)

Wish you luck in curing your anxiety gal.
 
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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Well I think you're right about the high expectations. But I can assure you I am not being abused. But everytime I say that now it sounds like by saying it to you I am trying to convince myself that isn't what is happening. But really, there is no verbal or physical abuse going on at all. The only thing I can think of is my mom kind of in denial about the whole anxiety thing. She dosen't really know anything about it and I think she's scared I might just go crazy or something. And my cousin...who really does come from a kind of dysfunctional family..goes to a psychiatrist and my mom just looks down on that I guess thinking it means...I don't know something bad. um ok this dosent relaly make sense. I see what youre saying though adn I dont think the situation is as bad as it sounds (because of the way I said it) thanks for responding!!

Lauren
 
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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Well I think you're right about the high expectations. But I can assure you I am not being abused. But everytime I say that now it sounds like by saying it to you I am trying to convince myself that isn't what is happening. But really, there is no verbal or physical abuse going on at all. The only thing I can think of is my mom kind of in denial about the whole anxiety thing. She dosen't really know anything about it and I think she's scared I might just go crazy or something. And my cousin...who really does come from a kind of dysfunctional family..goes to a psychiatrist and my mom just looks down on that I guess thinking it means...I don't know something bad. um ok this dosent relaly make sense. I see what youre saying though adn I dont think the situation is as bad as it sounds (because of the way I said it) thanks for responding!!

Lauren
 

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Lauren,
Good story- I read all of it.
Sounds to me like you've just got a lot of pent up feelings and you need to release them somehow, with restrictions of course.
Talk a nice long walk in the afternoon or relax and read. I don't know. Just take some time to do what you want and to find out who you are.

-Grant with an "R"
 

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Lauren,
Good story- I read all of it.
Sounds to me like you've just got a lot of pent up feelings and you need to release them somehow, with restrictions of course.
Talk a nice long walk in the afternoon or relax and read. I don't know. Just take some time to do what you want and to find out who you are.

-Grant with an "R"
 
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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I dont know Lauren, but your mother telling you she hates you is quite something. I think thats not normal or healthy to say to your own child, in fact its damaging. Even saying this to you when you were so mad at your brother and you behaving 'badly', there is no justification in telling you she hates you.
 
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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I dont know Lauren, but your mother telling you she hates you is quite something. I think thats not normal or healthy to say to your own child, in fact its damaging. Even saying this to you when you were so mad at your brother and you behaving 'badly', there is no justification in telling you she hates you.
 

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We're not doubting you, of course. You're the best judge of yourself. But do keep in mind that certain things are never seen by ourselves - It's like we can see other people perfectly well, but we can't see ourselves. And even when we look in a mirror, it's not us, just a reflection of us. Oh crikey. Just thinking about reflection makes my mind mush.
 

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We're not doubting you, of course. You're the best judge of yourself. But do keep in mind that certain things are never seen by ourselves - It's like we can see other people perfectly well, but we can't see ourselves. And even when we look in a mirror, it's not us, just a reflection of us. Oh crikey. Just thinking about reflection makes my mind mush.
 
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