G
Guest
·I woke up in the middle of the night (3 nights ago) and realised that I didn?t have any knowledge of who I was ? it felt very frightening and although it only lasted a short time, it completely threw me off balance.
I am glad to have found this website and put a name to what happened to me and it makes me realise that other events in my life have contributed to this.
When I was young my mother used to have to lock herself and us children (I have a twin sister) in our bedroom because my father would come home drunk and she was frightened about what he would do to her and us. He was an alcoholic and I am an alcoholic too (though I have managed not to have any alchoholic drink since 1993)
My mother wanted my twin and I to be identical (but we are not) and as an adult I still have trouble convincing my twin sister that I do not think or behave the same as her ? so maybe I never have had a proper identity in some respects.
When I was about seven years old I used to sit on my bed and stare at a spot on the wall until I felt I had left my body. I also had the notion that I was the only person who existed and that everything outside of me was just my imagination. My parents were angry with me for ?wasting time staring into space? and for being arrogant enough to think that I was the only person who existed.
My father left us when we were 11 years old and we never saw him, or heard from him again. After he died, his sister (my aunt) told us he was dead. When my mother tried to get a widow?s pension we found out he had married again (though he had never divorced my mother).
Last week I met up with my aunt?s daughter (my first cousin) and she told me she had seen my Dad in the time between him leaving us and dying and she gave me a photograph of him that I hadn?t seen before. This meeting with her and talking about him upset me greatly and I believe this is why I dp?d soon after. I was angry that he had been in touch with her and not in touch with me. Because he left without me knowing he wasn?t coming back, I have never really grieved for the loss of him properly.
I am glad to have found this website and put a name to what happened to me and it makes me realise that other events in my life have contributed to this.
When I was young my mother used to have to lock herself and us children (I have a twin sister) in our bedroom because my father would come home drunk and she was frightened about what he would do to her and us. He was an alcoholic and I am an alcoholic too (though I have managed not to have any alchoholic drink since 1993)
My mother wanted my twin and I to be identical (but we are not) and as an adult I still have trouble convincing my twin sister that I do not think or behave the same as her ? so maybe I never have had a proper identity in some respects.
When I was about seven years old I used to sit on my bed and stare at a spot on the wall until I felt I had left my body. I also had the notion that I was the only person who existed and that everything outside of me was just my imagination. My parents were angry with me for ?wasting time staring into space? and for being arrogant enough to think that I was the only person who existed.
My father left us when we were 11 years old and we never saw him, or heard from him again. After he died, his sister (my aunt) told us he was dead. When my mother tried to get a widow?s pension we found out he had married again (though he had never divorced my mother).
Last week I met up with my aunt?s daughter (my first cousin) and she told me she had seen my Dad in the time between him leaving us and dying and she gave me a photograph of him that I hadn?t seen before. This meeting with her and talking about him upset me greatly and I believe this is why I dp?d soon after. I was angry that he had been in touch with her and not in touch with me. Because he left without me knowing he wasn?t coming back, I have never really grieved for the loss of him properly.
