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My Story (please read) (sorry for bad grammar or anything I wrote it quickly)

868 Views 4 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  Thatgirlbrooke
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My names Nathans and i'll be 16 in a couple weeks. Around a year and a half ago I tried weed and it went down like this. (Please tell if you've had a similar experience) I took a couple hits and i started to feel lighted headed. My friends told me to lay down (my vision was also getting blurry) I laid down and all of a sudden I felt as if I was just waking up like when u pass out and your not sure if what just happened through that day was a dream. I panicked because I knew what happened was real and it felt as if reality and my consciousness was escaping me. I tried running to my friend but every other second I would stop because i had lost touch with reality and my brain would stop working and i just be standing there and inside I was screaming trying to recover control. I cried for 1 second than i realized bro you are going to recover from this and do u want to look like a pussy lol. but than it sucked me in again. that lasted about 1 minute but that was the point in my life where I thought I was going to die. that was my first ever panic attack. The next morning i felt fine and I just continued my life. We talked about it at school and how crazy it was and I thought I would never have to deal with it again and it was all some crazy trip. Around a month later I was sitting in class and I was worried about something and I went into the same feeling/state that had happened with the weed. It only lasted a second but I was kinda freaking out. Later in the day I got worried about it and experience a full replica of what happened with the weed. I was sitting in math and It started I panicked and told my friend Adam "dude i need help" and everyone though I was going crazy and I told my self Lets just sit through this one and not panic so itll be easier for me to deal with so I did. It passed and my friends and I talked about what might of caused It. Later in the week I realized it was derealization. But when I tried to find someone with a similar experience no one had the same one. Later I had the biggest episode I have ever had. We were in this room with around 100 other kids listening to this lady talk. I wasn't there in my mind. I cant explain this because it was so extreme but ill try. I looked at my hands and they weren't mine everything was flashing like black, reality, black, reality. I had my lunch in front of me and i tried to drink but It wouldn't let me. I felt the table in front of me it was like feeling something that wasn't there. I really cant explain it. So zoom a couple months in the future I am having a lot less episodes and have gotten this sort of better. Well before that the school took us on a trip and I had a panic attack but no one knew because I kept it all to my self. i was worried about become a vegetable or retarded. i saw someone with autism who was around 20 and she had here parents with her helping her get through life. It makes me sad just thinking about it. I didn't want to end up like her but I thought I might at that instant. Fast forward all this stuff and I was pretty well set. I said fuck u anxiety and derealization and lived my life I didn't have any episodes for a long time. But the one thing that had me stumped was if what the reality I was feeling was the same one before I got derealization I still dont know and I never will because i cant go back. Now i feel as if I am slightly derealized 24/7 and It started around 1-2 months ago. I also have been using a Juul to get a nic buzz but I've stopped because of its bad effects on an adolescent mind(It also kinda makes me derealized) I dont think It was the juul that gave brought back derealization because I started using it a couple weeks ago.

I have a fear of growing up to be schizophrenic because my uncle had it and using cannabis and nic can increase the odds. I found out the nic earlier today but I've know about the cannabis one since just weeks after smoking.

I dont think ill get better but Idc

I also found this interesting video that scared the shit out of me

skip to 3:00 exactly and read what it says + watch the whole video so you know what im afraid of getting.
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Hi, welcome to the forum.

I don't necessarily agree with all the contents of your post, becuae it is possible to experience dp/dr without anxiety, but it's always interesting to hear other points of view.
I now that now lol
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