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This is my story of depersonalization and the road I am on to recovery.

After many anxiety/panic attacks I was literally at breaking point with it all. It is very hard to explain it but I was in my bedroom and all of a sudden my house seemed very strange and very different. I was sitting on my bed and looking out the window and the sky just seemed so different and it felt like things just didnt feel normal and non existent. I tried explaining it to my husband but I couldn't find the words. I thought to myself "oh, it will pass" but I woke up the next day & it was still there, it was like my environment felt so different and strange like there was a barrier between me and normality like a separation (for many d/p suffers you know how hard it is to describe!) so that day I went shopping and I felt like I was floating around the shop, it felt fuzzy & hazy, the best way I can describe it is I felt like I had smoken cannabis, I was looking at the sky and it felt so strange (exactly like the picture attached) we drove home and I was looking at my house and it felt so strange like foreign to me. I laid in bed that night feeling very high. I have a history with ptsd following a cannabis indecent so as you can image this causes alot of anxiety for me.

As the weeks followed I felt even more disconnected from everything around me, I went to see my Dr & she suggested coming off the Citalopram and going on to mirtazapine, it did help but I had an allergic reaction. The citalopram withdrawls where horrible and made my anxiety worst and did nothing to help the depersonalization at all.

One day I woke up and my depersonalization went away, I ran around shouting in pure happiness and crying with relive but then it came back the next day!!!!

Over time I have now become extremely detached from all my memories, they feel so fake and time perception has changed alot, I know that events have happened but they feel like they didnt and instead of being months ago it was years ago. I can not connect myself to anything at all, I look at photo's of me and although I have memory of it, I find it hard believing it's me.

Dr put me on 50mg of Zoloft then to 100mg, it helps soooo much with the anxiety but it made my depersonalization 100 x worst and the intrusive thoughts are over whelming. I came off it but the anxiety got soooo bad I had a panic attack and collapsed so I went back on them, only 25mg but they have helped alot with the anxiety.

Right now, I guess I just feel very depressed and lonely, I have had this seven months and it won't go....but it is the only thing on my mind. I don't really have anyone to talk to at the moment as no one really understands.

Attached Thumbnails
Terrestrial plant Wood Grass Glass Event

Hair Arm Eye Jaw Gesture

Apr 22 2018 12:28 AM

Thank you for sharing, it really helps to hear others.
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