Hello.
I wanted to see if someone can help identify whether this sounds like it could be depersonalization or derealization. The very first time I experienced what I think is dp was when I was 9. I remember it very clearly because the experience/feeling was so unusual to me. I was on a field trip at a museum, I was having a great time with all my friends and then all of a sudden, everything felt very different. It's hard to describe exactly how it felt but things looked glossy, brighter, bigger (almost like if I was seeing things through a magnifying glass), and things seemed slowed down. I was kind of fascinated by it, I remember saying "wow" a lot and like trying to touch the air. With my 9 year old vocabulary, I tried to explain it to my friends and teacher and the phrase I used was "It's like I can't see but I can see", I went around telling everyone that I can't see, no one knew what I was trying to say and I didn't really know what I was trying to say either. A few minutes later, it went away and things were normal, I thought that was it. Then it happened again a few months later at a family party, same exact feeling, except with there being more lights things were even brighter, almost like as if the lights were going to explode because of how bright they were, but I noticed that if I focused on something then I could make the lights dimmer, the colors fade, and the room get smaller. Everything was so crystal clear but yet distorted at the same time which really confused kid me. These episodes carried on throughout my life and it got to the point where I didn't know whether I was having an episode or things were normal. I'm 25 now and ever so often I get a particularly strong feeling of things feeling unreal and dreamlike and that helps me differentiate between being in that state and normality but I never really know whether I'm 100% out of that state because I've forgotten how that feels like, I think only me before these episodes knows. I often find myself thinking "Is this really happening" or "am I really here" and that thought along with the situation itself seems to trigger the episode to start.
Can anyone relate to any of this? Does this sound like it could be dp? I've had these episodes for so long, it'd be great to finally be able to put a name to this. Thanks so much for reading!
