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It all started when I decided to try weed for the first time. I smoked it thinking I was going to have a fun time but boy I was wrong. A weird feeling came over me and I couldn't explain it. It's like life had suddenly switched or went to a new world. It was a really terrifying feeling. I didn't know at the time but I was having a huge panic attack. I was running around the house, heart racing, and fearing that I was only going to die I remember looking outside at night because that was the only thing that seemed like it was before. I figured it was just the weed. throughout the night I kept having this feeling like where if I closed my eyes for a few seconds and looked at my phone or something that whenever I looked up it felt like a new time and place or as if I had just woke up which was completely terrifying. I woke up the next day and was completely fine. Everything was back to normal. About a week later it hit me in my English class. I remember telling myself "this just looks different, something's out of wack." Not word for word but you get the point. I had a huge panic attack and began freaking out. Before I even knew what depersonalization was I noticed that whenever I was outside it seemed more realistic then when I was in fluorescent lighting. The darkness or dark rooms seem much more realistic also. Fluorescent lighting really threw things off. I thought I was going insane. Nothing seemed to be getting better. When I felt fine for a few days that hope would only be destroyed by having that odd feeling coming on completely crushing my hopes. The only thing that keeps me from not completely freaking out all the time is knowing that there is a thing called depersonalization or derelatization. That's my story. I haven't made much improvements. I've been working hard. The feeling seems to only be getting worse but I have much more control over my anxiety now.

My symptoms include the following:
-things feeling different or not normal
-feeling as if I'm in a dream or perceiving reality different then I use to although I still live in the same world and act the same
-sometimes I feel like I'm just a spectator and even though I know I have control of my body I feel like I'm just observing my actions
-I get really confused. Things will be happening and I'm taking them in just fine but It's almost like I don't understand the world. It bothers me and confuses me and I often have to lay down and relax to control that.
-I catch myself in deep thought. this is a very scary sensation for one reason. I turn to day dreaming a lot more now that the world I live in isn't exactly the most comforting, in fact is a very disturbing and bothersome world to live in at times. I get in deep thought and when I snap myself out of it the feeling really comes on. I feel like I entered a new world or reality and that I'm in a new time or place which is absolutely scary. I feel like I just woke up in this world which is very disturbing but that passes. It happens a few times throughout the day.
-Things just don't seem real. Although I see these things, hear these things, touch these things, feel, anything, I feel as if this is some huge imagination and I'm really not even here or in this life.
-huge feelings of detachment. I hear and take in all of this stuff but its not like I'm fully there which causes me to just feel anxious, nervous, and very very confused.
-Sometimes I see myself and wonder if its even me. Sometimes , but rarely.
-I get this thought like in reality my body is somewhere else, and somehow my mind is somewhere else in a different dream world to say which is so terrifying.
-I also have memory trouble. like I know what I did that day but it seems so distant and far off like it never happen or I really never experienced it. I also have trouble with my short term memory a little just because my mind is so hazy and stressed from dealing with all of this.
-I feel like I'm not seeing or even here. like I believe this world is completely made up and no way its happening. I feel like I'm really not seeing the world when in all reality I am but this feeling has been so long going how can you not ask questions about the world and its creation and why its here. Am I really seeing this? Is this really real? Am I really experiencing this? I'm sure these are all questions you have experienced and asked yourself if you have suffered the way I and many others have!
-Senses of un reality is a big one
-feelings or sensations of nothing. Its hard to explain but I'm sure you can relate. That feeling of un reality is so strange, weird, and strong that life literally feels like nothing at times which is horrible!
-it feels like life is passing you by and you're not experiencing it
-at times I do feel emotionless

For the most part this is my symptoms. I'm sure there is many more I have not addressed so do not be worried if you read this and don't see symptoms that you're having. If that is the case please ask questions! I'm truly here to help you guys out as well as find comfort for myself. I know how absolutely scary this is. It's the worst feeling in the world. I'm here to help you guys!

Some thoughts that I have(although I don't really believe these thoughts, they are thoughts that put fear in to my mind and overall are very horrible for the time being and when experiencing such fear do seem real):

-sometimes I think I'm all alone and no one else in the world is real just because I feel like this is a dream
-sometimes I think this is all fake and I'm really not experiencing or seeing or any of this is happening.
-The biggest problem thought this whole problem for me is that his is some huge dream. It really feels like a dr4eam. I fear that things are going to start to pop up and disappear just like a dream does. I fear that at any moment I'm going to wake up from this dream world which is terrifying. Sometimes I just feel like I'm in a completely different place or reality or world from where I use to be before this which is completely terrifying. If you're' having similar problems just realize that you still have physical feelings and urges and you feel things like pain which do not happen in a dream.

What I've realized throughout this whole process is that no matter how anxious I get or afraid that life is about to end or I'm going insane or things are about to pop up that nothing ever happens. This isn't some imagination. You've been here the whole time, life just has taken on a new tone to say. There is a set of rules to this world, like gravity. There is very well a science and math to the way things work and this isn't just some huge imagination. Even typing these words I'm scared that this isn't real and just a dream but I know that it's not true. nothing's ever going to change no matter how scared you are but that is it. This is what I recommend.

Fight through it! It's extremely hard at times I know it is! You start to ask yourself questions like is this even here and the answer is yes! I think there for I am! Realize you are no alone in this process! Keep on fighting. This does not last forever and soon that sense of reality will return! Do everything in your power to realize this world is real and not imaginary and is the world you once lived. Do everything in your power no matter how long it is to control your anxiety. Eat healthier, get things off your mind. Try to improve your mental health! One thing I noticed is that if I am really concentrated in something is as if nothing ever changed and I don't' notice the feeling. Not that its not there but I'm just no aware. I know that can be hard though because I would be in basketball games and still thinking about this odd feeling! Overall, stay strong, don't give up, be brave, learn to live with it, learn to control your anxiety! Be more healthy mentally. Improving your mental health can go a long way and help a lot! Be brave for you and everybody else you love and care about and just realize this is a bump in the road. You have a long life ahead of you. Make it out to be the best one it can be. Live it up! I promise you will kick depersonalizations ass! For more help I suggest going on YouTube, the videos are long but are helpful about ten minutes in length. Look up depersonalization and look for the account bignoknow. He has two very helpful videos. sorry it wont let me put the link. He is very helpful and has given me boost in confidence sometimes I watch his videos when I'm going through a hard time. overall stay strong guys please. You are so strong. Just realize there is something, I really cant explain that's keeping you sane and safe and there is that fight to want to go back. This is real. this isn't a imagination. You can do it guys! Be Brave! good luck. Please respond to this and let me know if you have similar feelings, thoughts, experiences, etc. That would help me so much and comfort me a lot! I hope this helped guys. Thank you and Good luck!

Head Sky Cloud Sleeve Plant

Mar 13 2014 12:21 AM

I've experienced every single symptom that you described , but now I'm completely cured from DP/DR , all I can tell you is don't lose hope , it will be better with time , try to do some exercising and get a good diet , fish oil and nootropics are worth a go as well. Kind Regards

Hair Arm Eye Jaw Gesture

Mar 13 2014 04:52 AM

You would of thought I wrote that, 100% of what I have been through, sometimes you think its going away, then bam its still there, its not as bad now but its still there in the background.

Excellent summing up of DP/DR.

Stay strong, stay focused, stay in touch my friend.

Hair Arm Eye Jaw Gesture

Mar 13 2014 10:02 PM

Can you guys let me know if its normal to have thoughts like are other people real, am I hear alone, Or did I create this planet myself. I mean I didn't always think these thoughts at all. For the most part I don't believe them but they are always in the back of my head and when I'm really experiencing depersonalization its hard not to believe it. I'm not going crazy. I still have full control. But the feeling of the world not seeming real or just seeming so dream like or fake and being detatched and taking in the world but not at the same time makes it so hard to not believe my thoughts sometimes! please help! thankyou!

Hair Arm Eye Jaw Gesture

Mar 14 2014 02:57 AM

100% DP/DR symptoms my friend, don't worry.

Hair Arm Eye Jaw Gesture

Mar 14 2014 01:45 PM

Alright, thank you! It's just hard not to think those thoughts when I experience the feeling of unreality because at this point anything seems possible but I will stay strong I know what is truly real no matter how odd or bizarre my world is now stay strong!
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