Before i start, i have never fully discussed this with anyone, and despite feeling like i have "suffered" this since 2009 i have only recently found out about DR/DP, and although my symptoms
don't feel nearly as severe as what i have seen described, they are definitely there to some degree. I am also 21 years of age, doing pretty well pursuing my career, currently being an engineering apprentice, and i have a very active social life and a close group of friends. My symptoms aren't ruining my life in any way i just feel like they're a constant dampener, i just feel different to how i used to feel.
It may be worth noting that i was diagnosed with tourettes syndrome (not verbal, but ticks) at the age of 7, however the severity of this drastically diminished between 2007/2008, i feel this may be a contributing factor.
It started, or i think it started, in the summer of 2009, i was 14 years old on holiday in Spain. As i reached the end of my holiday, something in my mind felt different, almost as if i had completely
lost track of the days i spent abroad and that it just seemed to be over before i knew it. I didn't discuss it with anyone and i just assumed it would pass, it really didn't affect me at all in my day to day life
but i still felt its presence.
On my 15th birthday in March 2010, i tried cannabis for the first time (and really enjoyed it haha). From then, i began smoking it recreationally most weekends, i was never a daily smoker.
In fact, i think i would consume about 2 grams to myself at the absolute maximum over the course of any weekend. Nothing changed at all until the following October though, i literally got high one night and woke up different. I was always massively into my video games and it was on that day which was the release day of Fallout: New Vegas that i noticed, as i was playing the game, nothing quite seemed to be going in as much.
As i was playing the game time seemed to just be going by in a blur and details of the game just weren't going in at all. Things just felt out of focus, I got quite unnerved thinking i had majorly exacerbated the symptoms i was having prior to that night of getting high.
I knew something was wrong but i just couldn't manage to articulate my symptoms at all, so i kept it to myself and stopped smoking Cannabis. I started drinking recreationally instead a few weeks later and found the alcohol never had an effect on the symptoms so i ended up using that as my recreational/social vice. (Before anyone comments on drinking at a young age, i live in the UK; it is pretty standard culture over here.) As i grew older and started full time work at 16yo in September 2011, the symptoms never truly went away however they did diminish over time, its just something i got used to and put it down to puberty or hormones or something of the sort. I even began using drugs like MDMA/Pills and Cocaine at the age of 17, i was always sensible with them however taking them in relatively small quantities compared to others (as sensible as class A drugs get i suppose) and i only ever did them at raves; so it was really a monthly thing at the most with MDMA,and ive been through phases of "a few weekends" with cocaine. The drugs and the alcohol didn't exacerbate the symptoms further in any way, however i noticed after a night of using Pills/MDMA, and sometimes after cocaine, that my mind would lose its "edge" for up to a month (again, with the edge coming back slowly over the time). My Job has always required me to be quite sharp and on the ball, so i just put it down to me noticing it more than other people due to the nature of my job, but it may also be a side effect of the "DR", i don't know...
Anyway, cutting to the chase now, i got sick of drinking every weekend etc so i began using cannabis again in October 2014 thinking "it can't possibly affect me as much as other drugs", i adopted this mindset due to the common knowledge that cannabis is relatively harmless in MOST people, not all people. By then i had completely adapted to, and almost forgotten about my "derealisation". Over time from then up till now, i have gone through phases of smoking a joint a day or more for a few weeks, then i'd stop and cut it back to weekends only purely out of sensibility and feeling a bit "weird" from it. Where i feel the damage has been done is that over summer i was getting high with my friends almost every single day, only going a few weeks at a time of "weekend use". I have drastically cut out my Cannabis use now because as time has progressed, the symptoms have been getting worse and more closely resembling the severe symptoms i have read about, and although i have never experienced full blown DR/DP i feel like i have brought myself closer to the edge.
Right now, although i'm not letting it affect my day to day life, everything still feels extremely blurred out, especially in terms of recent memories, i go through phases where i cannot focus at all, and i feel out of touch with the world around me. My perception of time is off kilter, things just aren't going in at all, my memory is absolutely terrible and the symptoms worsen when i'm tired. Also recently, alcohol has started to affect it, and after a night of drinking i feel the DR symptoms much more for up to 3 days at times. I also "test" myself a lot, i try and compare my mind to how it is now to how it was before everything came on, and it stresses me out a lot at times, i get very worried that i'm just fucked up and that i'm always going to be like this. I try and compare myself to others, if someone i know is forgetful, or seems to forget similar things that i do such as what they did last weekend, it brings me some comfort as i then feel like maybe it isnt just me and maybe i am normal and just worrying myself. I have trouble collecting my thoughts, remembering and visualising dates and events as clearly as i used to. I struggle to think things through, struggle to visualise things in my head without just stumbling and almost getting stuck in a thought loop which goes nowhere.
The MAIN factor which makes me think i suffer some form of DR, and that i'm not just experiencing side effects from the cannabis, is that since that night in October 2010 when i got high and woke up feeling different, i have never ever fully returned to the mental clarity i had before that. I don't seem to notice things as much as others do, such as my attention to detail of my surroundings.
Now before anyone jumps down my throat, i'm not trying to be a cry baby and i am fully aware that i am not suffering nearly as much as some people are, and i don't want to make out that i am.
More than anything, i just want a second opinion from people who have experienced this and also just to get everything off my chest.
It is worth noting that i have only used cannabis once in the space of 2 weeks and i feel like my mental clarity is returning but only to a degree, although i feel that may improve with time. Am i experiencing both DR and standard cannabis side effects???
don't feel nearly as severe as what i have seen described, they are definitely there to some degree. I am also 21 years of age, doing pretty well pursuing my career, currently being an engineering apprentice, and i have a very active social life and a close group of friends. My symptoms aren't ruining my life in any way i just feel like they're a constant dampener, i just feel different to how i used to feel.
It may be worth noting that i was diagnosed with tourettes syndrome (not verbal, but ticks) at the age of 7, however the severity of this drastically diminished between 2007/2008, i feel this may be a contributing factor.
It started, or i think it started, in the summer of 2009, i was 14 years old on holiday in Spain. As i reached the end of my holiday, something in my mind felt different, almost as if i had completely
lost track of the days i spent abroad and that it just seemed to be over before i knew it. I didn't discuss it with anyone and i just assumed it would pass, it really didn't affect me at all in my day to day life
but i still felt its presence.
On my 15th birthday in March 2010, i tried cannabis for the first time (and really enjoyed it haha). From then, i began smoking it recreationally most weekends, i was never a daily smoker.
In fact, i think i would consume about 2 grams to myself at the absolute maximum over the course of any weekend. Nothing changed at all until the following October though, i literally got high one night and woke up different. I was always massively into my video games and it was on that day which was the release day of Fallout: New Vegas that i noticed, as i was playing the game, nothing quite seemed to be going in as much.
As i was playing the game time seemed to just be going by in a blur and details of the game just weren't going in at all. Things just felt out of focus, I got quite unnerved thinking i had majorly exacerbated the symptoms i was having prior to that night of getting high.
I knew something was wrong but i just couldn't manage to articulate my symptoms at all, so i kept it to myself and stopped smoking Cannabis. I started drinking recreationally instead a few weeks later and found the alcohol never had an effect on the symptoms so i ended up using that as my recreational/social vice. (Before anyone comments on drinking at a young age, i live in the UK; it is pretty standard culture over here.) As i grew older and started full time work at 16yo in September 2011, the symptoms never truly went away however they did diminish over time, its just something i got used to and put it down to puberty or hormones or something of the sort. I even began using drugs like MDMA/Pills and Cocaine at the age of 17, i was always sensible with them however taking them in relatively small quantities compared to others (as sensible as class A drugs get i suppose) and i only ever did them at raves; so it was really a monthly thing at the most with MDMA,and ive been through phases of "a few weekends" with cocaine. The drugs and the alcohol didn't exacerbate the symptoms further in any way, however i noticed after a night of using Pills/MDMA, and sometimes after cocaine, that my mind would lose its "edge" for up to a month (again, with the edge coming back slowly over the time). My Job has always required me to be quite sharp and on the ball, so i just put it down to me noticing it more than other people due to the nature of my job, but it may also be a side effect of the "DR", i don't know...
Anyway, cutting to the chase now, i got sick of drinking every weekend etc so i began using cannabis again in October 2014 thinking "it can't possibly affect me as much as other drugs", i adopted this mindset due to the common knowledge that cannabis is relatively harmless in MOST people, not all people. By then i had completely adapted to, and almost forgotten about my "derealisation". Over time from then up till now, i have gone through phases of smoking a joint a day or more for a few weeks, then i'd stop and cut it back to weekends only purely out of sensibility and feeling a bit "weird" from it. Where i feel the damage has been done is that over summer i was getting high with my friends almost every single day, only going a few weeks at a time of "weekend use". I have drastically cut out my Cannabis use now because as time has progressed, the symptoms have been getting worse and more closely resembling the severe symptoms i have read about, and although i have never experienced full blown DR/DP i feel like i have brought myself closer to the edge.
Right now, although i'm not letting it affect my day to day life, everything still feels extremely blurred out, especially in terms of recent memories, i go through phases where i cannot focus at all, and i feel out of touch with the world around me. My perception of time is off kilter, things just aren't going in at all, my memory is absolutely terrible and the symptoms worsen when i'm tired. Also recently, alcohol has started to affect it, and after a night of drinking i feel the DR symptoms much more for up to 3 days at times. I also "test" myself a lot, i try and compare my mind to how it is now to how it was before everything came on, and it stresses me out a lot at times, i get very worried that i'm just fucked up and that i'm always going to be like this. I try and compare myself to others, if someone i know is forgetful, or seems to forget similar things that i do such as what they did last weekend, it brings me some comfort as i then feel like maybe it isnt just me and maybe i am normal and just worrying myself. I have trouble collecting my thoughts, remembering and visualising dates and events as clearly as i used to. I struggle to think things through, struggle to visualise things in my head without just stumbling and almost getting stuck in a thought loop which goes nowhere.
The MAIN factor which makes me think i suffer some form of DR, and that i'm not just experiencing side effects from the cannabis, is that since that night in October 2010 when i got high and woke up feeling different, i have never ever fully returned to the mental clarity i had before that. I don't seem to notice things as much as others do, such as my attention to detail of my surroundings.
Now before anyone jumps down my throat, i'm not trying to be a cry baby and i am fully aware that i am not suffering nearly as much as some people are, and i don't want to make out that i am.
More than anything, i just want a second opinion from people who have experienced this and also just to get everything off my chest.
It is worth noting that i have only used cannabis once in the space of 2 weeks and i feel like my mental clarity is returning but only to a degree, although i feel that may improve with time. Am i experiencing both DR and standard cannabis side effects???
