[Hyzenthlay]

I just want to express myself. I don't want to go down the options of coping mechanisms and medications.
I am in a horrible state of depersonalization/derealization.
I didn't know a forum for this diagnosis even existed.
I'm to the point of suicidal thoughts. I don't know who I am or how any of this could possibly be. I'd kill myself if I wasn't so afraid of what was on the other side. Living in this constant confusion isn't fair and I only want someone to talk to, please. Anyone. I can't keep going alone. No one understands me when I say I feel like I'm from another universe or that everyone else is a robot. I doubt any of you will either. Its too bizarre. I feel so alone.

 

[Phantasm]

Hi Bunnie, you aren't alone. I definitely can identify with what you describe, and many other people here will too. Welcome to the forum.

 

[Wendy]

You're not alone here. Many people have experienced the thoughts you're having, including myself.

It may not seem like it now, but you'll pull out of it. I believe in you!

Welcome to the forum, Bunnie.

 

[eddy1886]

Nope you are absolutely not alone....

We all know what you are going through...

Its an absolutely awful condition...But there is light at the end of the tunnel...Most if not all either recover in time or else they learn to live with it...

In time it gets better....It is just a slow healing process...

Hang on in there.....It will improve....If you exhaust all other options medicine can really help....But its basically trial and error as to what helps each of us individually...

The best thing i can suggest to you right now is to eliminate stress at all levels and try to get plenty of sleep (if you can manage to sleep that is) Rest is vital...Proper rest !!!

 

[Hyzenthlay]

Thank you everyone. I need this support so badly.

 

[Hyzenthlay]

I posted here the other night and you all were so helpful.

Thank you.

I want to do an introduction into my realms.

My name is Emily.

I am 23 years old.

I have a good life. I have a very loving family.

I have good friends although they all live away from me.

I have a very supportive boyfriend.

My jobs are easy, my bosses and coworkers are very friendly.

Still,

I have no support for my DR/DP.

All I have are descriptions that are reciprocated only with confusion and sympathy.

I have many other mental illness diagnoses too.

I won't bother mentioning all of them.

Capgras Syndrome is one.

This is my DR/DP realm:

You can't trust anyone. I mean, anyone. Not even your mother. Not even your dog.

Their eyes send you into the uncanny valley. Everyone could be a robot or an alien. All of your loved ones are foreign to you. They scare you. To look into their eyes would only make you look away in an instant. The way they move seems peculiar. You feel like you are the only real human in the world. When you realize you're you, you look at yourself as if you aren't. You look at yourself as if you were another person. You come outside of your body. Your life starts to feel as if you're watching a movie. You are there but it seems like you are not attached to this reality. It seems like you are disconnected from it. It feels like you are behind a silver screen. Sometimes you pinch yourself and still can't convince yourself that you're you. It's a complete blend of separation, paranoia and constant analysis. "Where am I? Who are you people? Why am I here? Why are you here?"

It's not constant.

I don't know what triggers it.

I smoke a lot of weed but I've experienced DR/DP before, after, during or not while smoking.

I was never a stoner until recently to treat my painful depression.

I'm prescribed Lamictal and Wellbutrin.

I don't think I'm suppose to be in this universe.

Truly.

 

[eddy1886]

Perfect description of DP....

But honestly I suggest you stop smoking weed....It isnt good for this condition at all...Even if you think its possibly helping now long term it is going to do more damage than good...

But thats just my 10 cents...