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Good afternoon,

I found this forum in one of my desperate searches to try to find a solution to our situation.

I have a boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. Living together for 1 1/2 year now.
We were the best together. We never had a problem in this time. My life with him was perfect. I think he is the love of my life and always tought he was feeling the same...
He was always very negative and serious about what he likes doing and what not. But never noticed anything seriously wrong with him.

Almost 3 months ago he started acting more serious with me. Not as nice. He didn't want to hug me in public or said he didn't like having pictures of us in the flat because he doesn't like being in pictures.
2 weeks after that I discovered he had kissed another girl. They did it in two different occasions but never more than just kissing.

When I found out he exploded and told me that he hates his life. That he couldn't stand it any more.
I was shocked. I would never had thought this coming from him. He was stressed at work and unhappy in the city we live (i don't like it either) but everything was perfect between us.
We discussed, split up but 3 days after he came after me saying he wanted to change many things in his life but not me. We came back together but the happiness only lasted other 3 days.
After that he was cold and serious again. I asked to talk and he said he is not sure about what he wanted in his life.

After some weird days together he told me he has dp and dr. He had it in two previous occasions, it went out and then came again 3 years ago (and therefore he already had it when we started the relation). He said he was getting worse in the last months and is suffering.

We still live together. In some occasions he acts with me as we were still a couple and sometimes as we weren't.
I love him with all my heart. I just want him to be fine again. I know we are stronger together and want to be always with him.
I have been reading a lot about dr and dp all this time and suggesting cognitive exercices for him to feel better. But he doesn't accept any help. He says he doesn't need to do anything just wait until it goes.

In the meantime he is sometimes rude with me. Or simply acts like he never thinks about me and makes me feel so bad and anxious. I can't recognise him. He is not that person.
I think he needs to change everything that he hates and stresses him (work, flat, moving back to his home town...) and the most important: acting against dp and dr.
He is doing absolutely nothing. Just going away from me, when I am the only person who is trying to help.

I am suffering anxiety and panic attacks and trying to hide it from him as much as I can. I don't know how to act. I try to do plans and have a more active life together but I don't feel it works. He shows a distance with me but on the other hand wants to live with me and sleeps hugging me every night.

What can I do?
Did he really love me if he was never totally healthy while he was with me? Was everything I lived real?
Can I really help him?
I would do whatever for him.
 

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People with dp/dr are emotionally handicap and embarassed . I dont know what to tell you, i think its personal thing since with dp/dr you feel like your brain is fried (im not sure if he either loved u lol).. What caused him dp/dr? There are several factors (mostly anxiety/stress/drugs) but there are also diseases that brings u to that state, ask him how he got that..
 

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I am in a relationship right now, and I understand what you’re going through. In my case however I am the person with the DP/DR. I don’t know what’s going through your boyfriends head, but I can tell you that it’s extremely difficult maintaining a relationship when you have this illness. At least in my case, I doubt everything. I don’t understand what I’m feeling. I am emotionally blunted. I don’t know what I’m experiencing and have to watch other people so I don’t seem cold or indifferent. I live my life by imitating and social cues. You can only imagine what must transpire in my relationship. My long-suffering girlfriend understands my condition and I’m amazed she puts up with it. I asked much the same way as your boyfriend does. I triy to control it, but I just feel like running away a lot of the times because I don’t really like to be around people. I prefer to be by myself. It’s hard to be in the real world and pretend all the time. It sucks the life out of me.
 
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