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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey

As I try to improve and expand the areas in which I'm getting better & comfortable... I try new things I wasn't able to at the beginning

Looking at the mirror was so impossible for me. Now, it's OK. It's not the worst thing ever, not always, but most of the time.

But... let's saying dancing in front of a mirror for example, exhausts the fuk out of me.

I don't know why!

Maybe the reason is obvious... but I'm not as dissociating when looking at it, I guess I am dissociating but in a different, having coped, kind of way, that is milder,

yet

being a person and talking and dancing while seeing my reflection leaves me after with such an exhaustion as if I went on a hike

does anyone else with chronic dpdr relate?

does anyone else feel like they're weirdly stuck in that aspect?
 

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Hey Rei, I am not DPd atm, but I still have a problem with my reflection...it is almost triggering for me, if I look too long at the mirror, I can feel the DP hovering over me, but then I do not get DPd...I have the same problem with photographs, so it is not just a reflection thing...perhaps it has more to do with identifying with oneself, than with DP? Idk, this is just some wild guess, I didn't put much thought into it, but I was intrigued by your account...
 

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Brain researchers say the eye is the window to the soul, and if you have a soul, that it resides in the temporal lobe of your brain. They also say the temporal lobe is "exquisitely prone to insult"

My temporal lobe was insulted when I was 17. Immediately following my first exposure to cannabis, I had powerfulI temporal lobe seizures. I lost my emotions and also lost limbic resonance.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limbic_resonance

I could no longer relate to my mirror image as I once had. The damage in my limbic region was clouding my vision. I developed recurrent major depression featuring severe insomnia and anxiety

from this incident and I continued to experience focal temporal lobe seizures for decades thereafter. I also experienced frequent ocular migraine aura.

40 years later, I had an EEG which showed I had significant pathology in my dominant temporal lobe. That damage had occurred when I was 17.

At 57, I was told I was disabled from an event which had occurred 40 years earlier. I had retired early, so I just added the disability check to my monthly income.

I had ECT in 2014, which seems to have cured the depression. The focal seizures stopped somewhere in the mix. Life goes on.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Hey Rei, I am not DPd atm, but I still have a problem with my reflection...it is almost triggering for me, if I look too long at the mirror, I can feel the DP hovering over me, but then I do not get DPd...I have the same problem with photographs, so it is not just a reflection thing...perhaps it has more to do with identifying with oneself, than with DP? Idk, this is just some wild guess, I didn't put much thought into it, but I was intrigued by your account...
It was almost triggering for me not too long ago. Although it still can come and go, the triggering aspect. I used to be the same with photographs too. I don't react to them the same I did before DP though. Nothing at all is the same before it but somehow it gets better.

Can you elaborate on having to do with identifying oneself?

I've read a study before on DP patients where I think the parts of the brain responsible for identifying faces doesn't function normally as well as the emotional memory

Brain researchers say the eye is the window to the soul, and if you have a soul, that it resides in the temporal lobe of your brain. They also say the temporal lobe is "exquisitely prone to insult"

My temporal lobe was insulted when I was 17. Immediately following my first exposure to cannabis, I had powerfulI temporal lobe seizures. I lost my emotions and also lost limbic resonance.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limbic_resonance

I could no longer relate to my mirror image as I once had. The damage in my limbic region was clouding my vision. I developed recurrent major depression featuring severe insomnia and anxiety

from this incident and I continued to experience focal temporal lobe seizures for decades thereafter. I also experienced frequent ocular migraine aura.

40 years later, I had an EEG which showed I had significant pathology in my dominant temporal lobe. That damage had occurred when I was 17.

At 57, I was told I was disabled from an event which had occurred 40 years earlier. I had retired early, so I just added the disability check to my monthly income.

I had ECT in 2014, which seems to have cured the depression. The focal seizures stopped somewhere in the mix. Life goes on.
Thank you for sharing

I still remember this from messaging you a couple years ago. I actually had EEG and brain MRI done since then and they found nothing. My psychiatrist was almost confident I had epilepsy and was quite confused when I came back with the results that he actually told me he couldn't help me.

Bizarre how they came up with the conclusion of disability 40 years later

I can't help but wonder how science hasn't gotten to this yet. Especially with 'concrete' brain pathology in regard to it...
 

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Hey Rei,

Let me elaborate on where I find myself on the dissociation spectrum, because otherwise I would feel as if I am taking my comment out of the context.

Now, I joined this forum at the time I had most problems with DP, but that is not the only dissociation symptom that I have.

According to the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation, there are several symptoms of dissociation, when dissociation is understood as "mental escape", once there is no possibility of physical escape from a traumatic situation. I think that in me these are very easily switched on, as a result of childhood trauma, and they served me as a coping mechanism. When I am stressed, I have them all: depersonalization, derealization, dissociative amnesia, identity confusion and dissociative disturbances of movement and sensation (unexplained pain, tremor, ticks etc.) Among these, depersonalization and deralization, as well as dissociative amnesia were confirmed in me as diagnosis, and dissociative disturbances and sensation were diagnosed as somatisation disorder, but I believe it all basically comes from the same place of trauma that I suffered.

I currently do not have DP and DR. The terrible pain and tics that I had since the end of last year also subsided. What I am left with is some sort of identity confusion, but it is getting better, as I can feel some of my skills and focus are coming back, and I feel more like "me" in my own skin. Identity confusion in me is different than DP, because in DP I felt de-personalized, as if there is no person inside of my body, and now I know that there is a person, I am just not really sure who that person is, like what are my preferences, skills, strengths, aims, motivations etc. I feel I could virtually be anyone or anything, unlike with DP, when in its extreme case I felt I am no one, and basically had no sense of motivation whatsoever, except to try to get myself through the day.

I think I am still a long way from what the usual or the ordinary experience of self would be, and I think that my reaction to mirror reflection as well as photographs has something to do with that. I am, however, at relative peace with even this imperfect sense of self, as I need to congratulate myself for making it this far. I see this whole process of recovery as re-integration of some parts of the self that I basically locked away with the memories/experience of trauma. I never before had the emotional capacity of integrating these into my life-narrative, so it is quite expected that now, with this experience included into my sense of self, I do not feel like the exact same person as before, and that some fine tuning is necessary in order to achieve some equilibrium.

I am quite aware that my experience, no matter how extreme it may sound, is a rather usual for someone with the history of childhood trauma. It does not suggest, however, that it can be applicable to other people at the forum, who had their DP triggered by other circumstances or causes.

Take care,

A.
 
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