[Guest]

Im 29 years old and am a male. *grunt* This started when i was in high school, first it just was the anxiety coupled by uncontrolable obsessive worrying. I couldnt play the sport I loved so much. I'd loose it on court most of the time. I played basketball. I was calm and played well or really well or I suck: cant function, partially paralized by fear. I turned to drugs at 17 years old brother lost his mind due to Pscitzophrenia and acid/drugs. I kept using then I had a very bad experience on Acid.. I was comming down not like peeked but still kind of on it. I just click! Thought I was goin to die right then and there and loose my mind. I stood up and clutched my head, gasping outloud, "no!" K I writhed in morose feelings and panic (not an attack) but just panic about what had just happened for a while afterwards. "Ive damaged my brain bad", I thought "now Im going to loose it like my brother too." Probobly 5 hours later I went to sleep. So, i tried to forget about it. I started noticing things that worried me. Like when the traffic lights turned red the yellow light would trail away slowly. I stopped doing acid. I kept smoking pot, drinking, and doing hippy crack (nitrice Oxide). Then one day the same click happened after inhaleing Hippy crack. I quit doing that. Then one day the same thing, but after I got stoned. This sucked bad now. I kept smoking pot. I started to become worried alot. I Isolated a lot. It started happening more and more until I quit for 6 months. I drank more. I got back on it and low and behold I had the worst attack I had ever had. Panic, Thoughts out of reach, racing all over the place Reality seemed very far off. Raw terror, I kept thinking I was having an acid flash back(more dramatic). So I drank more. Only when I woke up after a night of hard drinking would I get the symptoms. Mind racing, terror, disorientation, feeling like im struggling to keep my mind from snapping forever. I kept drinking. I moved back home. I quit pot. I went to Emotions Anonymous. Saw therapists. Quit drinking. Went to AA. Got diagnosed with Panic attack dissorder coupled with depersonalization. Started havind these partialy out of body experiences and more panic attacks but now it had nothing to do with the drugs or alcohol, I was sober. I got worse it seemed. I went to ER for one of my attacks and got prescribed Atavan. I went to Psyclogist besides my therapist to tell him about my new drug. He put me on paxil. Atavan wooorked good man I felt ok and it controled my dream like states, constant impending doom, intruding thoughts, and panic attackd pretty well. To make a very long story shorter. Ive been through lots of prescribed drugs. Im off Atavan for years and sober for 5 years. I got to AA, Alanon, and see my psycologist 1 time a month. Im a cab driver part time. I still get panic attacks. I definately still have Depersonalization and probobly some of the derealization going on still. I am depressed most of the time but try and function. Ive gotten better though over the five years I've been sober. I mean its not as terrifying as it was when I got sober. Man I used to think I had died and was in some fantasy world sometimes. Im doing my 4th step in Alanon now. Ok I'm finnished like anyone will read this! Pwhaa!