[Mipmunk]

I have suffered on and off with DP for 11 years, this episode has lasted 11 weeks so far. My main symptom is that I completely lose my identity and have "who am i" constantly going around in my head. I have had feelings of my identity coming back. But at the moment who am I still bothers me and I don't feel I have my full identity back yet? Does this make sense to anyone. I just feel I don't know who I am. Everyone around me seems normal and ok, I just don't feel like me, my whole identity isn't here. I am a bit scared as as I have got older when I have had episodes they are taking me longer to come out of. This one has lasted 10 weeks so far, (the trauma of my cat going missing and dying caused this one), the one before lasted 7 weeks, before that 4 weeks, and I am a bit worried that each one I get is taking me longer to come out of. I am frightened I won't come out of it this time. But saying that I feel 50% like me and 50% DP'd. Is it right that as you start to recover your identity comes back bit by bit??

Please help.
Roxanne

 

[Monkeydust]

I think that you're identity's never really gone. It simply feels like it's gone, or your current emotional state means that you can't "access" what it really is. But, yeah, it should come back as you overcome your symptoms.

Importantly, however, it seems that, for most people on this site at least, the worst way to recover a sense of identity is to look for it inside you. Constant questioning - asking "who am I?", "where's my identity?", "did I ever have such an identity?" and stuff like that - only makes it worse. Your personality, your identity, it's not "lost"...but it only comes back when you stop searching for it. So try as hard as you can, and it is hard, not to continue questioning it.

On the point of how you're episodes get longer each time, I think a major reason why it happens is because you're expecting it to. Each time you're so worried that it might last longer that you self-monitor, increasing your anxiety, and end up lengthening the episode. Again, it's hard to turn things around, but try your best not to worry how long it will last. It might end soon, or it might be longer than your previous experiences; worrying about it will not make it better.

Hopefully things start to turn around for you soonish.