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My greatest fear...

7502 Views 28 Replies 15 Participants Last post by  ?real?ity?
The endlessness of the physical. The fact that "things" have to expand in some form forever
..take a moment and IMAGINE IT, going on forever and ever, eventually you're going to make your mind put an end to things, but if you've done it long enough, your heart is probably pounding like mine..

This and:
The prospect of an afterlife. Endlessness of yourself or the existence of a "soul."

I find the notion of God to be pretty ridiculous, but a "tier-together" of everything, a sort of "spiritual undercurrent" seems sort of feasible.

I'm terrified of an afterlife that NEVER ends. The thought of having a soul is terrifying. If I have one, I want it to have the ability to die. Which kind of runs again the whole idea of a soul? I can't believe people COMFORT themselves with the idea.

Imagine NEVER BEING ABLE TO DIE. It would be torture. People can't conceive of the horror of it because they see an end to everything. Similar to the idea of God - they have to have a creator because they see creation. And in most cases, they see this creator in the form of a man. Almighty cloudman.

As long as I can remember, I've thought of things this way. I remember when we read whateverthehellthatbookwas with the Fountain of Youth in elementary school we were asked if we would drink from it. All the little kids wanted to find it. I was like... FUCK if this really existed I would NEVER go near another drinking fountain again. I was the only kid in my class who wouldn't even THINK of drinking for eternal earthly existence.

ETERNITY. No matter how happy a person's life is, it still sounds maddening, terrifying, horrible. Everyone is scared of Hell, but eventually, in an eternal and endless state, you'd FEEL the flames of Hell.
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julie13 said:
but whoever said life is short obviously didn't have dp!
Very true!
I don't believe that anything created us. For something to create us, it would have to consciousness, ideas about what is and what could be, intentionality. Think about this - a God, at the beginning of time before anything else - how would it know itself? How would it know the Other? Our notions about ourselves only come from the Other. Moreover, intentionality, planning, knowing we are going to do something comes from language. When I am making a sandwich, in my mind, I say, "I need bread, I need dijon - no, I need regular mustard". You see? And language only comes out of the necessity of communication. Consciousness is rooted in language. Thus, a being at the beggining of time, could not have had language, would not have needed language - it would not have had consciousness.

If "God" could not have known himself, how would He have known the Other. We were not created, we rose from chaos, and our consciousness rose from the need to deal with the world we rose into. Consciousness is a tool, it is not more than that. God is a tool, a tool deal with questions we have no answer to, to deal with the trauma of our non-existence.
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To the OP: What you describe sounds a lot like the anxiety attacks I used to get. Infiinity is one scary experience. Or at least it can be. If you have a safe and solid foundation to work on (A space to call your own, your own real mental space) then you can tackle the infinite at your leisure.

I think there is a simple answer to the doubters: Close your eyes and imagine not existing. Imagine you don't exist, nothing exists. Its impossible. If you want you can argue against this by saying "That's just because we currently exist and then we won't", but I don't buy it, sorry.

Also, to everyone who thinks life is a complete waste of time and can't wait to die, you have two choices:

1. Accept everything you preach. You will never amount to anything, life is one big struggle and nothing will ever mean anything. In the end you die and that's that. If you honestly believe this, kill yourself imediately. If you find any reason not to kill yourself, proceed to choice 2...

2. If you don't like how your life is going, do anything and everything in your power to change it. You can change it, life is what you make of it. You DO have the power, you just have to find it. Note: This WILL mean challenging the way you think and listening more closely to how you feel. It WILL be difficult, but its worth it.
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CECIL said:
I think there is a simple answer to the doubters: Close your eyes and imagine not existing. Imagine you don't exist, nothing exists. Its impossible. If you want you can argue against this by saying "That's just because we currently exist and then we won't", but I don't buy it, sorry.
Um, that's not so hard when you have hardcore DP.
Trying to think of "actually not existing" was one of the things that sent me into chronic DP.
No, what sent you into hardcore DP was an intense fear about the IDEA of not existing. THAT really IS terrifying!

My point is that if you can get past the fear of the idea and actually try to experience fail. You realise that there was never anything to fear because its simply unimaginable :D

Its tricky to get to that stage but quite possible, I assure you :)
peacedove said:
This is my greatest fear also and the cause of my DP. Endlessness, God, infinity, whatever you want to call it. This is what I was thinking about when my DP hit. If I believed I would cease to exist when this body dies I would kill myself in a second. But it's the fear of living forever in a worse place that keeps me alive in this hell.
That's it exactly. Tired of living and scared of dying. But Ol' Man River he just keeps Rolling along. Gawd bless old gospel songs.
how is this a fear, you could think of something more fucked up use your imagination ;p
?real?ity? said:
how is this a fear, you could think of something more flower* up use your imagination ;p
The most intensely terrifying moments in my life were of imagining and experiencing infinity. Sounds wierd but there it is.

As for a fresh view: The whole idea of eternal bliss is a bit flawed. When you die you can go there if you want. But you'll get bored. Stupidly bored. That's why Adam and Eve ate from the tree in the first place. That's why we reincarnate down here and create fucked up situations for ourselves to go through - because when we return to that all-knowing state we go "Wow, that was awesome, I wanna go again!".

On another note, believing in reincarnation was one way I stepped out of the shadow of suicide. I began to think "I'm here for a reason and I have to figure it out. If I kill myself now then I'll just have to come back and do it over again, so there's no point". At first it made me feel even more trapped, but then I realised there was no out, only through. That gave me the little push I needed to start healing.
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