Depersonalization Support Forum banner
1 - 4 of 4 Posts

· Registered
29 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Being a Sophomore in high school life really isn't surprisingly the greatest. The stress from school and peers is just a shitty feeling and in all honestly I cannot wait to start on with my life after school. The one thing that scares me is that later in life though I might find myself alone and unhappy. Yes right now I am doing A LOT better than I was when I first has my DP in October other than some Moderate Dissociation from time to time and over thinking with the world seeming overwhelming and unreal. Although for some reason I look at my future adult self and think "will I be happy with my life when I get older and not be depressed". I also question my life after death and think "what will happen?" "where will I go" "is there a heaven or a hell". I have a lot of plans on what I want to be when I am older (Anesthesiologist, Physiatrist, Dentist, Business Management, Stocks and Wine taster). I just don't know if I will be happy or not. I plan on getting out of the midwest hopefully and moving to New York City and getting my ass out of Detroit in my late 20s or maybe the west like Seattle or Alaska and Hawaii. I am planning on going to school in state (Michigan State, Central or Ferris hopefully). My grades are pretty good but I am working them up to get into a good college. I am really thinking of going into the medical field probably even though it takes 8 years of schooling and residency which means I won't have a complete job until I am 30 but the pay is pretty damn good. The wine tasting is a dream job and business and stocks are pretty good in NYC but this america and the economy is terrible still. I'm thinking being a physiatrist would be great because all my life the ones I have been to were not the best (not saying that there are not any good ones) but I feel like going through my own problems with Depression, Anxiety, Depersonalization and Derealization I feel almost I have learned more about life and how I can help people with mental disorders because I would have to say mental disorders are the worst pain because number 1 its hard to treat and 2 people don't understand it as well as physical pain. My friends and family don't understand what I have gone though completely but I don't judge them because Its not their fault because they haven't experienced it themselves. I have learned that my mom has panic attacks/anxiety and my dad depression so I guess I get a mixture of both with DP. Mental disorders are the worst thing i would have to say I have ever experienced in my life.

· Registered
33 Posts
Hey Mike, (lol sorry this winded up being a longer post than I expected)

I am a senior in high school, my sophomore year was when my DP started getting more intense and more often than before. The end of my junior year it was once a week. And now it's everyday with derealization. I also live in a very busy city and I have a long but not too long commute so everyday is a struggle to just arrive to school. Somehow I got through these years and it's worth it.

I have struggled from an academic standpoint due to poor performance in mathematics (imagine 20/100 to 40/100 on exams). I have a 78 average which is very low already and even lower in comparison to the general student body who has an average of around 90. My high school is one of the best in the nation. I somehow got into very good colleges/universities despite my average and I am grateful for that (goes to show you that what's meant for you, is really meant for you no matter the odds).

All of that and really what fuels me from day to day is to do something important that helps others and makes me happy while doing that.

If the world were meant only for me and life was only for me, then I think I'd exist alone in the world and not have been born from two humans, be able to produce other humans, and live around other humans. I feel that although I am so far away from others, it has brought me to love mankind in my own unique sense.

Anyways, back to the point. I was at lunch one day and heard two students (they have very high grades and got into great universities) talking trash about those who chose education major.

"What's that they say about teachers? Oh yeah, those who can't do teach."

I normally would look away but I was so DP'd out I didn't even have control to slam my hand on the table and say "CAN YOU JUST SHUT UP". Everyone turned around and I was back on earth realizing uh-oh what am I going to say now?

"I want to be a teacher. I want to be a teacher because I hated school. I hated being ridiculed because I couldn't do math and in the meantime no one cares for my oratory skills or ability to visualize beyond the normal capacities. I want my students to feel special and know that every single person has something to contribute to this world and it is my job to spark an interest in them to help them find that drive and passion."

In all that anger, I had produced what was my own passion. To let others know that the world isn't ending when you start to look at your hands and feel like they're not yours. The world is not over because you failed your math test. The world is not over because you never met your father or your mother is going to pass away. The world is not over because you can't afford college.

The world is going to continue and it needs you in it to make it worth while. Fuck what everyone says about saying you're just another person. What if you are THE person who changes someone else's life but you never got to know it?

We all play a role in the world, and we are so much more than money making professions.

The fact that YOU, Mike, considered the idea of finding a way to help others shows that you have a hell of a lot of courage. For those of us who suffer DP it's so hard to feel in touch with the world let alone want to contribute to it. Be proud of yourself.

You have to ask yourself, what am I good at? What is it that I want?

All our existentialist questions dwindles down to this: We all die, and whatever happens after to us is unknown. But the actions we did will continue on despite our death. So let us do good works because we're beyond selfish creatures, we're smarter and kinder than that. And along the way, what we do for the world should bring us joy as well. It's a balance.

I know this is kind of a long rant but I really hope something I said helps you. I really sincerely hope the best for all students and everyone here because I know how tough it can be and I just really admire those who even contemplate these sort of things and wants to change the world in even the smallest ways.

P.S. - Don't worry too much about your sophomore year, junior year is what matters for transcripts and pass all your classes senior year. In any undergrad college you're going to be taking pre-reqs and you can transfer after that so don't worry yourself at all.

· Registered
132 Posts
Hi Mike! I'm going to talk a lot about myself in order to give you some advice. I don't remember much of my high school even though I graduated only over a year ago, thanks to DP. Seeing how I am now I wish I wish I wish that I had spent less time thinking of what's going to happen than what was going on in the moment. Be a teenager. Be a highschooler. The future can wait.

· Registered
174 Posts
Doc here, 1st year MD in Neurosurgery.

1. Stop thinking about the future, it will not give you anything good. Live your life, this moment. And just be your best and make some reachable goals, that's enough investment for the future.

2. Don't go into medicine if you want to be rich! This is very important. The only reason to chose medicine is because you LIKE helping people, treat them and seeing a happy smile on their face.

Psychiatrist - is not just staying with a patient in a quite room, questioning him on a Freud's sofa while drinking tea. It's staying 24/24 in a building where patients even can throw with shit (literally) in you and maybe get beaten by one. Mental disorders are not totally manageable.

Anaesthesiologist - interesting, playing with drugs and have access to them like no one else, enough said.

Dentist - this is not life saving for me, but indeed they made good money.

Business Management - money, but like any other business (today you have everything, tomorrow you can lose it all)

Stocks - Boring

Wine taster - this is not a "job", I only imagine this to be a hobby, or a parallel "job".

3. Don't think about anxiety/depression/dpdr/blabla getting in your way. They are powerless against your true goals. I wanted to go in medicine about 11 years a go. I have anxiety for 8-9 years and DPDR for ~2 years. Do you think I stopped? I just accepted it and continued following my dreams. Here's a quote from a good guy from the forum

My theory is that DP and other psychological illnesses develop in people who have great potential but they waist it all by putting themselves in the box of false believes and fears. As a matter of fact, I think they are the lucky ones (I know it really doesn't feel like it). Dabrowski's idea was that such obstacles in life appear to gifted people. As I said, we have great potential and DP gives us the chance to rethink a lot of things and improve ourselves.
4. And once again, choose your profession according what YOU LIKE, and not how much money you'll make or how your condition will ruin it all. If you will like your job, you'll not have time to think about anxiety/depression and you will improve and if you will be good in what you're doing, the money will come by itself.

Good luck, and heads up.
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.