[gem]

I hope it is okay to talk about this here, I know some people say that some posts are depressing. I do not mean to depress anyone I just wanted to know if others could share their feelings about what I am going through.

My father is dying of cancer and I just found out tonight. I have not seen any of my family for a very long time. My family did not understand my illness and they really did not want much to do with me because they figured I should just be able to just snap out it. There was no understanding at all. I basically lived most of my life trying so hard to please. Now that he is dying I am feeling all kinds of different emotions. I was wondering if anyone has ever been through this? The rest of the family have known for over a week but no one has told me. It was a friend of the family who told me. They have left me out of family gatherings for a long time, now I will also be left out of this. I guess what I am asking is it normal to feel many emotions at a time like this?

gem.

 

[kenc127]

Hey gem

I can't say that my situation is identical to yours, but I did lose my father suddenly when I was 19. There were many emotions and feelings that surrounded the incident, many of which are still with me today. I'm here if you want to talk.

Hang in there
Ken

 

[optimusrhyme]

Im so sorry to here that Gem, I have also had a pretty sad week with my best friend just passing away, I'm in this with you, you have to be strong an keep fighting. Hang in there...

 

[JasonFar]

God I'm so sorry.

Love and strength be with you.

 

[Guest]

So sorry to hear of this sad news Gem.

I have not experienced a situation like yours.Although I have had people close to me die,including my mother and I guess my father is dead he left when I was six.

From watching other people and knowing how it felt for myself,losing people we love brings up so many different emotions.
It appears all to be part of a process,Dr Kubler Ross wrote about it in her famous book "death and dying".
Have you thought about reading this book?

It is only natural that you would have already started a grieving process.
No doubt it must be a real shock if the news came unexpectedly.

Everybody grieves in their own way even though we more or less go through the same steps.
You might consider seeing a grief counselor.

All the best,Gem.I only wish I knew what else to say.

Shelly

 

[g-funk]

Hi Gem

Don't feel bad posting about something like that - post your thoughts anytime, hopefully it will help to talk about what you're going through. We're here for you!
Take care x

 

[shadowness]

i wish you and your family all the best Gem...

so sorry to hear this...

take care x

 

[dreamcatcher]

gem.....i think you are bound to feel loads of defferent emotions....you feel like you were kicked in the teeth with your illness....and now you have heard some terrible news.....obviously you will want to be there for your father.....but dont know how to be as you are estranged from him at the moment.....go with your emotions...do what is right for you......just cause your illness was dismissed dont do the same to him.....

ps.....i am really sorry about your news......my mum fell out with my auntie..they didnt talk for years then my aunt got motor neuron disease....they sorted out there differences and were the best of friends at the end

 

[Guest]

thats horrible news Gem, im sorry and hopefully things won't be too painful for you and your family.

Cancer ughh, they need to find a cure

My grandfather had it, but they caught it very early because it was like an exterior tumor kind and they removed it. Thank God

My dad's cousin who was like my uncle, was diagnosed with cancer of the Lymphnodes I believe, I have no idea how he is because him & his wife moved out of state and noone has really talked to them. I hope hes doing ok.

But yeah Gem just try to stay strong and know that you have support from people on this board.

Peace

 

[Guest]

I am sorry Gem...

M mother had cancer so I can relate.....

We are with you!

Cynthia xxx

 

[Guest]

STEM CELLS!! :x

 

[sebastian]

gem,

I'm very sorry to hear about your father. I'm perhaps even more sorry to hear about the way you've been cut out of your family. I never thought ignorance and lack of understanding about this illness could be carried to such an extent. Quite frankly, and forgive me for saying so, that makes me sick to my stomach.

But you have all of our support here, gem. If you ever need to talk about this or anything else, we're all here for you.

s.

 

[Guest]

gem,

there's no right or wrong way to feel when a loved one is dying/ has died. Being estranged from one's family is complicated and emotional as it is, without having to receive news of your father's illness.

Do you want to reinitiate contact with them? what are your htoughts on that?

 

[gem]

I truly appreciate from the bottom of my heart the kindness from all of you that replied to my post. It helped me so much, I did not feel so alone. I am sorry for those who have lost someone it reallys hurts. I went through this last christmas with the loss of another family member and friend and I could not believe that again I would be going through so much. Littlecrocodile, I am angry at my father for the pain he put me through, but I am a kind person with a gently heart, I really do not know how I feel right now other than left out and sad. Thank you again all of you for the kindness shown to me at this time. You are all wonderful human beings.

gem.

 

[Misty]

Even though step parents aren't as big as biological parents, I lost my step father one week before I graduated high school from cancer. He was a great guy and I miss him very much.

Just let your father know that you are there for him. When you see him, don't let him make the conversation about you and you're DP, make it about him. How you are gonna be there for him through thick and thin.

 

[JAG]

Sorry Gem

 

[rodneyvtucker]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm going through a similar thing with someone close to me. I think the best thing you could give him right now is your support. Even if you think she has given up on the idea of fighting the cancer, your father still needs you to make sure she has the quality of life she deserves. Whether one chooses aggressive treatment or not, simply the ordeal of having cancer is difficult and your emotional support can make a huge difference.