[Justjthom]

My name is Josh and this is my story. So I'm on my first relapse. First experience was in January 2011 from weed and lasted until fall of the same year. That now seems like someone else's memory as I can't convince myself that it actually happened. I have been in this cycle since November 2017. So a year. It started with severe sleep starts which turned into bad hypochondria which then after about two weeks turned into nothing and nobody is real. This summer was alright, I still did my daily reality checks but all in all less than it is now. My daily thoughts/obsessions are:

If I stop thinking about it reality will end.

Reality will end regardless.

Am I alone.

Imminent feeling reality is about to end.

How does time work.

Are my memories real? My own?

I am in a dream I can't wake up from?

Simulation theory

What is the point of anything?

Did I ever exist?

Did time just snap into existence? 5 seconds ago. 20 minutes. 7billion years? And just have implanted memories.

Am I the only conscious being?

Am I mentally ill or are my thoughts real?

Feeling like the thoughts are face and not what ifs.

Believing nothing is real.

Anyone, even people on message boards, are part of my unreality, and thus cannot help me.

My limbs feel humongous or very tiny

Solipsistic thoughts.

Refusal to believe it's just a mental disorder

I am on 20mg of paxil (which I think helped) and when I'm really feeling a freefall I take 1/2 a mil of klonopin.

Any words of wisdom are welcome.

 

[Justjthom]

Anyone have similar thoughts? That's really all I'm left with and for me those are the hardest part. I feel like I'm closer to believing reality isn't real than it is. Scary.

 

[Tyree225]

This is classic DP my friend, I struggle with the same thoughts but more so towards reality isn't real, in my honest opinion there are two kinds of dpdr, self inducing dpdr, witch is what we have where it's a fear of going insane are not existing which intern gives us this kind of feeling like were floating in the Blackness of space which is rationally impossible. This is called "Dementophobia" and it is strictly fear-based. see if we can learn to overcome this phobia or the fear of it we would go back to being in the present moment continuously with no fear of our thoughts which then would lead us to more rational thinking such as what do I want for lunch and I really love my girlfriend. Then there's what I like to call true dpdr which is a chemical imbalance in the brain causing the person to feel estate of isolation continuously these people don't fear the DP they find it annoying, some find it excruciatingly annoying like a bee sting. Which makes these people seek help any way possible. It's okay to be scared and it's okay to have fear. But allowing yourself to obsess like me over these thoughts is only taking away from all that good that you want and remember. Face the fear and you will go back to your beautiful life I highly suggest speaking with a psychiatrist to help you overcome and accept what you are going through.

 

[Justjthom]

It's so hard to believe others can help you if you can't believe they are real.

That is the hardest part for me. Believing other people are just as conscious as I am. Believing im not completely alone in whatever universe this is.

I want to be sure it's just a mental illness but everything my mind says is otherwise

 

[anitas]

It's so hard to believe others can help you if you can't believe they are real.

That is the hardest part for me. Believing other people are just as conscious as I am. Believing im not completely alone in whatever universe this is.

I want to be sure it's just a mental illness but everything my mind says is otherwise

you are not alone we are real ,you are real ,this page is real ,it's the dp teasing your mind. Try to distract your self ,I know it's hard. But you gotta keep trying. ????

 

[Justjthom]

It's weird cause I got out of this in 2011 and it came back in 2017. That memory seems like it isn't mine and I don't know how I got out last time

 

[anitas]

You got out that's a good sign. You don't know how you got out but you did. Only time can tell. I wish I had a magic pill I would give it to everyone. It brakes my heart we have to deal with this. But I am here if you need to talk. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. ????