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Hi everyone,

My name is Niek, 15 years old and I'm suffering from Depersonalization Disorder. I'm pretty new to this forum and i wanted to share my story since there is something weird i haven't found in any other stories.

My DP was introduced when i started smoking weed. When i first smoked it was at one of my friend's places, it was pretty fun, just the way it was supposed to be i guess. After that i smoked probably around 4 more times before my first panic attack. The first time i had a panic attack was when i got up earlier before school to smoke with some of my friends, we searched for a nice place outside to smoke and right when the joint was gone, i started to feel strange. I told my friends i had no control over my body. I started cycling but i felt like i had no control on how fast i was going, like an autopilot. I felt like my view or eyes were sucked to the back of my head behind my brains as if i was playing some kind of third person game.

It was one of the most scary experiences of my entire life. But anyways, when i woke up next morning, everything was back to normal again, i didn't feel strange or what so ever. I did some research and people told me i had a "bad trip" which seemed to be really normal and occured more often. I thought it would only happen one time.

The next time i smoked (and this was the last time too) was in a break in school. I told my teachers i was sick so i had enough time to do fun things while i was high. But unfortunately, this time i had a bad trip too. It was much worse this time, i felt like i couldn't breathe and i wasn't able to swallow the food i had in my mouth for like an hour already. But this time as well, it went away the morning after.

And now this is the strange thing, around three weeks later, i smoked a cigarette and i had the exact same experience, though it didn't last that long. It was about 1 minute and then it was gone. The day after i had a fever, it lasted like 6 days and it was bad, 40.6 degrees celcius, six days long. For some this might be normal but i've never been sick longer than a week before. But anyways, at the end of that week, i felt different, i knew i didn't feel good but only when i got outside for the first time in 6 days, i felt it, in that week, i developed my Depersonalization and now i'm still suffering from it after 4 or 5 months.

I still can't figure out why it was introduced 3 weeks after my panic attack. From most stories i read, i learned that it kicks in right after the weed.

Can anyone tell me if they have had the same experience or can anyone tell me why this has been like this for me?

Maybe your DP wasn't caused by a panic attack, maybe it was caused by general anxiety. The panic attack might have just been a 'warning sign'.
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