[Guest]

Well, I had my first panic attack when I was 16. I was in a car accident and had severe brain swelling. I was in the hospital for a month and the docs told my family I was lucky to be alive. I smoked alot of pot after that, and started having regular panic attacks. I developed agoraphobia at age 22 and started medication. Paxil for a few years, then switched to Celexa, and now Lexapro with Ativan. I experienced mild dp when anxiety attacks were extreme. I tried to get off Paxil at one point, and the anxiety was so bad that I started having more dp/dr. My doc put me on Celexa and the anxiety and depression got better and with therapy I started getting out and doing things again. I still had dp/dr but it was mild, and I was able to go back to college and get my AA degree. Eventually my doc switched me to Lexapro and the dp/dr was pretty much gone except when I had high anxiety.

In August of this year, I had alot of changes happen in my life and was very stressed. I started having high anxiety again, and eventually dp/dr came on stronger than ever. I went from being constantly busy to doing hardly anything because the dp was so strong I felt like I was going to lose my mind. I went through all the typical stuff of feeling out of my body and not really being here and watching my life as though I was an observer of a movie and overanalyzing every single movement and thought. I constantly think about why we are here because everything feels so unreal, and when any thought about being alive in this body goes through my mind I feel as though I'm going to go nuts because I don't understand life and don't feel connected to this body or my surroundings. I'm hoping this will end and I'll be able to get back to feeling "normal" again or at least to a point where I can get through the day without feeling terrified that I'm going to lose my mind.

These experiences have been really hard, but I do believe that things happen for a reason, and I trust in my heart that I will be better from having been through this in some way. I'm lucky because I have a supportive family and an angel for a husband. I can't imagine going through this without them by my side. I also have 2 wonderful dogs that comfort me and a house full of kitties that keep me busy.

I am grateful for this board because it reminds me that there are others out there who understand this, and I'm not alone.

 

[Guest]

You sound like Alice in Wonderland, Alice in hell.

I can tell you are fragile and innocent, and have severe anxiety.

I feel like dirt alot of the time.

I think stress is a killer.

Your face in the picture (Is it you?) looks like mine, pale, pasty, ghost-like in shock.

I can see your head has been stretched to limit.
There is perculier good reality testing here, that definatley isn't found in other groups of "mental illness"...
Feministcat, I think you sound like a thinker and someone who gets deeply touched.

Your experiences this year sound extreme. I cant imagine such close self monitoring... I think you sound extremily together when I read your posts, just "touched" that's all, like you've seen the devil.