I'm not sure how my symptoms started anymore because my mind is so foggy and my memory isn't that good anymore. It came really fast though, over-night almost. This weird gone, hollow, where am I?, who am I? feeling. It's so hard to describe but I guess people who's experienced it understands. My speech and movements feels strange and unknown, like someone's controlling me almost. Everything and everyone started feeling so strange and unknown. I started dissociating all the time, and that's something I had never done before. I started feeling so anxious about this feeling but I didn't know how to describe it to anyone so I started looking up my symptoms and came across DP/DR. It all made so much sense. I was so stressed out because of my OCD + my abusive boyfried that I just completly shut down mentally because it was simply just too much for me to handle. I, at least, think that's what's happened, but I somehow got diagnosed with schizophrenia in January 2018. Everything's a lot different now than from it was when I got my first symptoms.
My symptoms atM: I feel like I don't know where I am, I don't know who I am, I don't know what time it is, but I do? That's the strangest feeling of my symptoms I think and it's so, so hard to describe. I've lost all motivation and purpose. I feel completly emotionally numb. I feel like I'm not here but at the same time I know I am. I don't know if this has anything to do with DP/DR but I feel the need to cover all my walls with posters or just ripped out pages to feel safe. Things change size, even my cat some days looks big and some days he looks small. Everything's a lot worse outside, especially in stores. I dissociate a lot when there's people around me. I can't be around people for too long. I feel mentally drained. The first thing I do when I wake up is wonder where I am. I've self-harmed since 2013 but recently it's been a lot worse and deeper because I just wanna feel something, but I can't. I don't love anyone, not even my family though they're really nice to me and I know I love them but at the same time I just don't? I feel detached from everything and everyone. I simply just don't feel like myself and I really can't recognize the person I was just a year ago, it feels like a different person. I feel so gone, numb and depressed? I feel like I can't think and that my thoughts are far away. When I sit or stand somewhere for more than one minute I start feeling like I can't move somehow, but I can. I don't know where I am.