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My boyfriend and I were in the middle of a disagreement . This is by far the best relationship I've been in. This is measurable simply by the way we argue or disagree. No hitting below the belt and we adhere to the adage "love is how you treat me even when you are angry". A simple formula that Ive used to evaluate previous beaus to which they failed miserably or did not turn out to be worth the process of data analysis. With him we argue intellectually, using courtesy, listening to each other and when we are completely fraustrated we simply stop not wanting to do or say anything that we wish we could take back.

So in the midst of the argument I held on to begin contentious in my attempt to explain depersonalization and my frequent absence from what he assumes to be moments of me being there when in fact I am not. I couldn't find the words because there did not seem to be any. Not understanding the totality of this disorder he says to be: I get that you are not always here but understand that when you leave there are things that you leave behind and you can't get that time back because you left and that time passed. Whatever you were suppose to do and did not do is still undone. You like being in that place because it doesn't require you to be stuck or caught in the mondaine place that we are all unlucky enough to be stuck in; you get to leave. He continued "When you leave I am still her picking up the pieces because you re gone and the pieces or missed details or task that still requires completion are still present. I don't take away the fact that you leave or that your gone or that the part of you that i know often prefers to be gone; just know that the same way i accept that you leave you should begin to accept that i stayed while you were gone and am still here when you come back
 

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This. I get this. I don't think my boyfriend wants or chooses or likes being "gone" but, I feel like I'm constantly putting in more effort than he will ever realize to keep it together when all I want to do is fall apart.
 
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