peacedove said:
Do you guys ever get in an argument because of something he did that was complete bullshit and then leave the argument feeling like you are the guilty one?? That is a sign you have been manipulated.
god yes! all the time! a couple weeks ago, he was complaining about how i'm too "critical of him" and that i "dictate his life". For a while, i felt like maybe he was right and i felt really guilty, but after thinking about it more and more, it made me really mad that he had said that! I think, for the most part, i am not overreacting, yes there have been a couple incidents of me freaking out over something that wasn't such a big deal, but i think it's just from all the built up stress from all that is going on between us . For the most part, i don't think i'm overreacting or being too critical.
i think you are right about him being manipulative. He is a passive-agressive manipulator.
One thing i should have brought up in the original post; he works an almost full time job, and i dont work at all (unable because of my 'condition') We both agree and i think it's fair that i should do most of the cleaning in our apartment since he works. But, he expects me to do ALL the cleaning--meaning that i clean up after his garbage and do all of his dishes. He is such a slob and he never cleans up after himself. Most of the time he doesnt even flush the damn toilet!! He is not a child and im not his mother. Everyone at his age needs to be responsible and pick up after themselves. It is VERY hard for me to keep the place clean when he constantly goes around messing it up--it's like he just goes around undoing all my work! He seems to think it is so unfair that i want him to at least put his own dishes in the sink and throw away his own trash. He expects me to do it for him! (that is, up until a recent, loonnngggg conversation we had that i think i finally got him to agree he needs to clean up after himself a bit more) I agree to do the majority of the cleaning, but that doesn't mean i am his servant! he needs to leanr responsibility. Also, he is making all the money, but up until recently sine he;s been getting more hours at work, i was having to use my college money to pay for almost everything (rent, groceries, gas, etc.) I even loaned him $1700 to buy a car! i doubt that i'll ever get all the money paid back. So, now that he;s making more money, he spends about $30-$40 of it a week on beer...sometimes more than that! AND HE IS IN EXTREEM DEBT not just to me, but to family members and friends and he owe's the IRS money as well!.
you know what he did the other day!? he had no money and needed gas for his car, so i gave him all the cash i had (3 dollars) later that night when he got home, he "suddenly realized" he had enough money laying around to go buy some beer. What a bunch of BS! So intead of repaying me the $3, he goes and gets some booze and says he'll pay me back when he gets his paycheck! it's just really ignorant and dishonest and unfair.
we have talked many times about seperating for a while or even breaking up. Im sure it will happen eventually. I do want to at least spend some time apart from him, but even that is really difficult, because aside from all the ignorant ,irrisponsible things he does, i do love him and he can be a very sweet, caring guy much of the time. And when we aren't bickering, i enjoy spending time with him. I know this all sounds really stupid, because from what i've described of him, he sounds' like a big butt head, but i've only mentioned the negative aspects of him.
AND, while i think i'm being resonable most of the time, there are some things i'm very guilty for. One night in particular, we were in a huge fight, he was drunk, and i started having panic attacks and all, i was trying to cut myself and was suddenly very suicidal, then i started hitting him really hard and i was just completly freaking out.I shocked myself! it was so unlike me. I never hit other people and i felt really bad about it and still do. I was really out of control. But, although i still feel very bad and ashamed for what i did, i know that at the time it happened, i was more stressed out then i had ever been and i was beyond able to control myself. I really should have gone to the hospital that night, but didn't
anyway, what im saying is there is always 2 sides to every story and maybe if you had his side of things, it would all be a little different. but i dont know.
-becka
