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my boyfriend = stress!

729 Views 7 Replies 4 Participants Last post by  blackwinded
i know this is slightly off topic, but i have to get this out, and i don't really have any other place to do it.

My boyfriend is so ignorant the majority of the time and it makes life much more stressful for me. He has done all kinds of idiotic, insensitive things . One time, I gave him my permission to take my car and go get some fast food. He promised he was just going to get something to eat and would be back in 15 to 20 minutes. Instead, he went to the bar for two hours. .He didn't call me or anything and i wans't able to get a hold of him or find out where the F**k he was, because he didn't have a cell phone. So, i worried for 2 hours that something bad had happened. There have been a couple other incidents like this, but he has gotten somewhat better. Yet, most of the time, when he does something like this, he doesn't really apologize or think it is a big deal. He mostly blames me and says i am just over-reacting and it is just because im schizophrenic.

He has had some alchohol and drug problems for a long time. He's 23 now and has been drinking and doing drugs since he was about 13. He's been a lot better about it since having moved in with me, mostly i think because he is far from home (he moved out of state to live with me) and doesn't hang out with all his old friends that he'd always get drunk and high with. Yet, he still has to have a six pack of beer almost every night (lately, it has been every night!) And, he has recently started to make some new friends who also do lots of drugs and drink. I thought that he had quit the drugs for quite a few months, but since he's made these new friends, he's been smoking some pot. The strange thing is, he tells me he often gets paranoid when he does pot and doesn't really like it, yet he has started doing it again. Also, i was explaining my dp and dr to him a few days ago and telling him that a lot of people i have talked to (on this forum) say they developed their dp/dr from smoking pot or doing other drugs. Then, He told me that he felt he was starting to get dp/dr from the po at one point, so he stopped doing it. Luckily it went away. So why would he start it up again!? especially when i keep stressing to him that it might result in having bad perminent effects from it! I wonder how he'll feel about all this if and when he developes perminant dp and dr from this!

Also, he's a very irrisponsible driver. When he goes to the bar, he will drive home drunk! When im in the car with him,he'll run stop signs, red lights, tailgate, speed, and the other day...we were on the highway and the guy in front of us had his blinker on because he was going to switch lanes. So, Justin (my boyfriend) sped up and got on his @$$ expecting this guy would be over in the other lane by tthat time. But he wasn't and justin had to hit the brakes a little. I got really mad, of coarse. I don't think i'll be letting him drive when im in the car from now on. He just keeps showing me that he can't be a safe, responsible driver no matter how many times i yell at him.
The most annoying part is, he will say things like "I am a very skilled driver and i know what im's under control"! a skilled, responsible driver does not drive as if they know what other drivers are going to do! I don't see how someone can think it is okay to do these kinds of things on the road because it's just plain unsafe. It's ignorant! I was always taught to drive as if you don't know what other drivers are going to do next...because that's the truth. You only have control over yourself and how you drive, not how others drive.
I HATE ignorant drivers, so it just makes me so mad that my boyfriend does this. He's even told me that he races people sometimes. UGGGHH!!

It's so frusterating because he seems to think he is the perfect boyfriend because he's not abusive with me, and while im very thankful that he's not, this doesn't mean that he is being fair to me and not causing other kinds of problems.

There are some other things that i am leaving out (ignorant things he does) but i dont want to make this post any longer than it already is. Thanks for reading this if you got this far.

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BertoPSU said:
wow he actually blamed sh*t on your schizophrenia? You sound more sane than he does.... gets really bothersome. I know i am probably a more sensitive person in some ways because of my schizophrenia (less trusting and such, get stressed more easily, etc.) But, i still think that anyone in my situation has the right to feel the way i feel about this. Doesn't matter if they are schizophrenic or not!

I was just talking to him about some of this stuff, and he's still defending everything and coming up with stupid excuses. He keeps saying things like "none of my friends would care so much about my behavior" Like he expects me to be one of his friends! plus, all his friends (or most of them) are about as or more ignorant than he. They all abuse drugs and alchohol too, so of coarse they don't care about his drinking and drug use the way i do!

We've been talking about seperating for a while. Me moving back in with my mom. I'm sure it will happen eventually, or we will just break up. It's really hard, because i know i'll miss him and feel guilty. Also, my mom wont be too happy about me moving back in.
Plus, i feel like we have to stay together, at least until january, because my dad is taking us on a vacation.

:sigh: :cry:

I just feel plain helpless and hopeless about all this. We can't agree on anything anymore. We have nothing in common like we use to.

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peacedove said:
Do you guys ever get in an argument because of something he did that was complete bullshit and then leave the argument feeling like you are the guilty one?? That is a sign you have been manipulated.
god yes! all the time! a couple weeks ago, he was complaining about how i'm too "critical of him" and that i "dictate his life". For a while, i felt like maybe he was right and i felt really guilty, but after thinking about it more and more, it made me really mad that he had said that! I think, for the most part, i am not overreacting, yes there have been a couple incidents of me freaking out over something that wasn't such a big deal, but i think it's just from all the built up stress from all that is going on between us . For the most part, i don't think i'm overreacting or being too critical.
i think you are right about him being manipulative. He is a passive-agressive manipulator.

One thing i should have brought up in the original post; he works an almost full time job, and i dont work at all (unable because of my 'condition') We both agree and i think it's fair that i should do most of the cleaning in our apartment since he works. But, he expects me to do ALL the cleaning--meaning that i clean up after his garbage and do all of his dishes. He is such a slob and he never cleans up after himself. Most of the time he doesnt even flush the damn toilet!! He is not a child and im not his mother. Everyone at his age needs to be responsible and pick up after themselves. It is VERY hard for me to keep the place clean when he constantly goes around messing it up--it's like he just goes around undoing all my work! He seems to think it is so unfair that i want him to at least put his own dishes in the sink and throw away his own trash. He expects me to do it for him! (that is, up until a recent, loonnngggg conversation we had that i think i finally got him to agree he needs to clean up after himself a bit more) I agree to do the majority of the cleaning, but that doesn't mean i am his servant! he needs to leanr responsibility. Also, he is making all the money, but up until recently sine he;s been getting more hours at work, i was having to use my college money to pay for almost everything (rent, groceries, gas, etc.) I even loaned him $1700 to buy a car! i doubt that i'll ever get all the money paid back. So, now that he;s making more money, he spends about $30-$40 of it a week on beer...sometimes more than that! AND HE IS IN EXTREEM DEBT not just to me, but to family members and friends and he owe's the IRS money as well!.

you know what he did the other day!? he had no money and needed gas for his car, so i gave him all the cash i had (3 dollars) later that night when he got home, he "suddenly realized" he had enough money laying around to go buy some beer. What a bunch of BS! So intead of repaying me the $3, he goes and gets some booze and says he'll pay me back when he gets his paycheck! it's just really ignorant and dishonest and unfair.

we have talked many times about seperating for a while or even breaking up. Im sure it will happen eventually. I do want to at least spend some time apart from him, but even that is really difficult, because aside from all the ignorant ,irrisponsible things he does, i do love him and he can be a very sweet, caring guy much of the time. And when we aren't bickering, i enjoy spending time with him. I know this all sounds really stupid, because from what i've described of him, he sounds' like a big butt head, but i've only mentioned the negative aspects of him.
AND, while i think i'm being resonable most of the time, there are some things i'm very guilty for. One night in particular, we were in a huge fight, he was drunk, and i started having panic attacks and all, i was trying to cut myself and was suddenly very suicidal, then i started hitting him really hard and i was just completly freaking out.I shocked myself! it was so unlike me. I never hit other people and i felt really bad about it and still do. I was really out of control. But, although i still feel very bad and ashamed for what i did, i know that at the time it happened, i was more stressed out then i had ever been and i was beyond able to control myself. I really should have gone to the hospital that night, but didn't

anyway, what im saying is there is always 2 sides to every story and maybe if you had his side of things, it would all be a little different. but i dont know.

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