[Guest]

I never heard of depersonalization until 3 days ago. What is he in for.. Am I in for.. Are WE in for as a couple? What can I expect? How can I be a better girlfriend to someone who is experiencing this disorder? Please help!!

 

[LOSTONE]

I think everything depends on the individual.

How can I be a better girlfriend to someone who is experiencing this disorder?

Love him with all your heart, stick by him and reassure him.
A man is only as good as his women lets him be.
You can either make him or you can very easily break him.
Allways be supportive, women may not know this but men rely hevily on what there women tell them.

If you don't love him you should think about leaving him now.

 

[rainboteers]

In my opinion the hardest part for you could be his possible numbing of feelings that often comes with dp. You may feel uncared for if he has this part, but try and realize he doesnt want to be this way, and he would most likely give anything to be well....

Good luck and remember to take good care of yourself too, as going through this is draining on everyone involved.

 

[Beth]

I think one of the most important things is to let him talk as much as he likes about what he's experiencing, but don't ask questions if he isn't talking about it already. And at the same time to try and help him keep focused on things that he enjoys and that are important to him. My ex helped me a lot by listening to me ad infinitum and by talking about shit when I needed distracting. He screwed me up a couple of times by refusing to listen or by saying I was nuts. Don't do that.

Don't obsess about it yourself, or about being a 'better girlfriend.' No point making it the focus of your relationship or one of you will just end up feeling guilty.

That's very big writing.

 

[Guest]

hi valgirl. I am Luna. I have quite the same problem as yours. I have never heard about depersonalization until june, when the boy I liked told me that he was experiencing this situation. it's 5 years that dep is in his life, everyday, everynight, ALWAYS. we have tried to be a couple, but we failed. now we're friends. the only thing i really would like to know is this: Can I do something for him? i really feel so useless..

 

[LOSTONE]

Luna don't feel useless, just the fact that you have remaind to be his friend is help enough.

All of my friends stabbed me in the back when I got dp/dr. Nothing hurt worse than having my friends turn on me. Then I had to break up with my girlfriend for fear she would turn on me or that I would drag her down with me. Nothing hurts worse .

I think the best thing both of you can do is exactly what you are doing, getting on this board and seeing firsthand how this illness affects people.

I wish I had friends like you around when I got dp/dr.

 

[dalailama15]

When I read this post a few days ago, I wrote my answer. I had no intention of posting it, because it is too nasty, too unpleasant. But I will post it now, because, well, I don't know, because, I guess, I think it is the truth. But please take this in context. The "IF" that begins the paragraph is important. And more important, understand that this was written from within my own, perhaps idiosyncratic, depths. Anyway:

If your boyfriend has DP, the DP that I have now, and that I have had, non-stop, for many years, (and which is described by the data-driven criteria in the Merick Manuel, the DSMIV, and professional sources such as Dr. Simeon) . . . well, I?m so sorry to say this, but your boyfriend has ceased to be a human being and has become some kind of meat-robot. He may be very kind, intelligent, decent, etc., and can continue to be a good and interesting friend, but for a boy friend, you should prefer another human being like yourself, not this well-meaning thing that your boyfriend has, for whatever reason, become. You should leave, and you should not feel guilty about it.

 

[dalailama15]

And let me add this: This is mainly a statement about myself. For god's sake don't take my advice, but rather, listen to the other smart people here. Any advice, comming from this kind of self-contempt, it seems to me, can not be any good.

 

[LOSTONE]

dalailama15 you are not, and I am not simply a meat-robot.
If we were, none of us would be conserned enough to post on this forum.
We just feel like meat-robots, that don't mean we are meat-robots.

There is also hope that one day we will change.

valgirl and Luna I think you two might be able to help your boyfriends out, if you are dedicated enough. But if you see any sign that things are not going to work out, it is better to leave sooner than later.

 

[wadey3]

This a tough one, but I agree with dalai and lostone, if it is primary dp it is likely to last for years as in my case and it is incredibley destructive, negative and all your good intentions will fall on resilient ears.. Most of my friends too just moved on in life and who can blame them, thats what life is for, i got stuck in a vortex 5 years ago. Lost the one because of it, and it is is atill there, u just got to look at peoples nicknames on this site to get a fair indication of what it is about.

Good luck

Wade

 

[Universal]

Be a good listener. Sometimes we with DP are going to need a shoulder to cry on, and if you don't mind dealing with someone who has an illness then I suggest you stick with him until you really are tired and may want a break. Really, leaving him would be you don't love him as much as it looks like you do now. I don't think you should leave him. Be there for him when the going gets tought and don't just cop out like some people on this forum are suggesting. I'm all about looking at things positively, there are solutions and there are a few on this board that have gone throught the hells of depersonalization disorder and have come out the stronger for it (Sojourner, Shy Tiget, Person3) etc. These people have found in themselves (and perhaps with the help of others and this message board) to go on living life and trying to rediscover the playful, joyful aspects of existance. Please don't leave, it'll only make things worse.

Just my 2 cents,
Peace :idea:

 

[LOSTONE]

Good advice Universal, but I still think it's better to leave sooner than latter if things don't seem to be working out. If you girls are commeted enough, than by all means stand by your man!

Just remember that any relationship with someone that has a mental illness is going to take a lot of work and dedication.

 

[peacedove]

Yes, stand by your man... support him, but don't expect to be able to fix him. I don't think you should leave someone just because they have DP. DP isn't the same for everyone... and quite a few people have managed to get rid of it. Remember though that you have needs too. And if you don't feel loved don't feel like you have to stay with him cuz he is suffering. You have to take care of you also. Sometimes it is hard for people with this illness to show love... so don't take it personally if he acts distant, try to work through it, but if you're needs aren't being met I think you should move on... continue to be friends, but move on.

 

[Sojourner]

I think you should absolutely insist that he get medical and psychological help. Leaving is something you have to decide for yourself. Nobody can tell you that.

If anyone is here who is not getting help, consider yourself yelled at by Sojourner.

 

[LOSTONE]

I'm helping myself :shock: !