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Roughly, 20 months ago I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder after I had a drug induced psychosis that lasted two months. I was on an antidepressant for six months (family encoruaged me to stop, their reasoning being *every* drug is harmful) and an antipsychotic, risperdal, for a year and a half (slowly weened myself off with the help of my psychiatrist).

While taking the antidepressant and antipsychotic I was also prescribed Lorazapem because I had serve paranoia. I would sometimes abuse this drug (I believe I took more than my prescribed amount like six times) and try it to use it for recreational purposes. However while on it, this sedative would make me angry and I didn't know how to express my anger because I felt like I couldn't hit anything or scream, I would just sob and clench my fist.

Today, I'm here because I was feeling very confused and angry. I know that prior to being in a drug induced psychosis I definitely was going through both DP/DR (my mind doesn't react well with weed and I was a pothead for like 6 months before I had my psychosis), but now with not doing any pills or weed I can't tell what I'm going through. I from time to time get this feeling of being irritated about being in my own skin and feeling so uncomfortable about who I am (my very being and not physical traits) that I kinda just want to kill myself. I sometimes cringe when I think of myself because I think I'm too werid for this earth and then I get super angry and confused about being myself and being here.

I don't know exactly what's up and don't feel comfortable talking to friends or family about this and I probably need to go back to talk therapy but, I guess I'm just looking for an opinion on what might be going on in my head? Does anyone else get angry because of how confused they are? Please help.
 

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All of us here feel pretty much the same things at different strengths and intervals. I have found the best way to cope with it is to just extinguish the thoughts from your mind and stay preoccupied with something else. Try to find something that you enjoyed before you got your DP/DR.
 
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