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Hi, I'm a 20 year old female.
My dpdr started about a year and a half ago when I was smoking weed. The initial "panic attack" or whatever u call it was horrible. I felt like I couldn't move. I fell to the floor and got the feeling as if my whole life and existence was a lie and just one long ass dream and I was just waking up from it. It's hard to explain. The next day I felt "okay" again. Looking back, I think it was just me thinking I was okay compared to what had happened the day before. At that point I didn't know what it was or what specifically caused it, because I had smoked weed before and this never happened. After my initial experience that I had, I smoked weed about 3 or 4 more times and each time the same exact thing happened. The last time I smoked was about 8 months ago and now I just feel completely dead. I can't feel any emotion and i feel like a whole new person. And for some reason I can't help but feel like my parents don't love me anymore? It's this horrible and weird feeling that I can't quite describe. My family doesn't feel like my actual family. I constantly have thoughts about existence in general and I search for hours on end for a point to anything, just one point. I can't seem to find one. For me, the absolute worst part is my memory. I cannot describe to you how horrible my memory has become. I can't remember nearly anything in depth. When I try to think about a single memory it feels like there is a thick wall blocking me from recalling it. I experience really weird sleep issues now too that I don't really know if I should go into. Just thought I should mention it. I have nobody to talk to. When I say nobody , I'm not being dramatic, I mean it. I've seen people on forums saying to go to the doctors or make see a psychiatrist but will they just prescribe me pills? I'm hesitant to take anything because my mother has had a bad experience with anxiety medication. I don't wanna just mask the problem with pills I wanna know how to fix it from the root but I just don't know where to start. I can go on and on about all of my symptoms and what I'm going through but I think I've written enough. Any help would be appreciated , thanks.
 
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