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Most of you are fighting a hopeless cause

5884 Views 48 Replies 20 Participants Last post by  *Alex
(I do write good titles, don't I? grin grin)

But there is some truth in that title, because most of us have hopeless goals. We are stubborn and we are determined and we are desperate. And we will fail.

We WANT to finally get to the point where we can edge right up to the "OH MY GOD!" moment of abject terror - that moment where we feel each time 'this is it! I am really honestly going to lose control of myself in two seconds!!!!" - and be able to REALIZE in that moment that despite how it feels, we will be okay. We want to master it.

We want to be able to FEEL like we're right on the edge of total insanity and then TURN IT AROUND and be able to say 'now I understand...yes, that was only a thought and now I am in control of myself.."

That is how we WANT to recover. We want to master it.

However, that is not ever going to be possible.


Not ever.

Not today, or tomorrow or next year.

NOt with the "right meds' or the "right person" or the right attitude.


What you are chasing after is as ridiculous as if you were to say 'I want to heal my depression by realizing I don't need to be so SAD when I'm depressed."

IF you're IN it, you're IN IT. If you are having a massive anxiety surge, there is NO way, NOTHING you can say to yourself will make you able to turn it OFF at will. Nor will you be able to convince yourself to not be afraid of the terror!

You will HEAL when you stop GOING there in the first place.

You guys are too focused on trying to STOP the horrible feelings once they are flying full force. You can't. If it ever seems like you DO, it's an illusion. They were just abating anyway and you fooled yourself into thinking you "did it"

You cannot "have" a panic attack without PANICKING!

You cannot "have" feelings of unreality without feeling highly unreal.

You cannot "have" a loss of sense of self without being very freaked out by it!

So how do you stop yourself from getting to those horrible peaks and surges? You stop focusing on your own symptoms. you stop LOOKING at yourself like you're under a microscope. Naturally, you will still have anxiety and ruminating thoughts and dp and dr and all kinds of awful mind states for awhile - but you can FEEL the states and still not focus straight into the eye of them.

You keep yourself stuck EVERY SINGLE time you turn your focus inward - every single time you try to WIN in the battle over these mind states. It's not a Jedi battle where you can fight them head on. You defeat them by starvation, not by direct contact.If you turn your attention away, as much as humanly possible and yes, it is VERY hard - every single time you want to monitor yourself, every time you want to "check in" on yourself and observe closer and try to figure out why you're feeling this way, etc.....TURN AWAY from those powerful urges to self-investigate, then you will begin to recover. And if you can KEEP doing it, you will recover.

Will you stay recovered? I have no idea. Personally, I can't imagine how you could unless you do some indepth work on yourself in therapy and learn more about yourself and learn to really LOOK at reality and you and your place in it.....but that is the long and very time-consuming work ahead. That's how people STOP having breakdowns, and stop falling back into the pit.

But to climb out of the pit? STOP OBSERVING THE PIT.

Stop trying to win the battle, and instead, win the war.

Love ya,
p.s. and I was just like the "we" I describe above. I spent nearly 15 yrs. trying to do it my way. And what a sad waste of time.
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I'm not who you probably want an answer from, but I'll offer one anyway, Silly:

Maybe, but not necessarily. With good therapy, you're likely to feel better immediately when you relieve the pressure of those bottled up unconscious feelings that are likely causing your misery. The "DP" is (1) the buried feelings trying to get out, and (2) your plugging the crater of the volcano so that they are kept inside, where the pressure builds and builds and builds and builds.

In therapy, you let out the feelings slowly and relieve the pressure. As a result, the pressure should reduce.

The pain of what you don't want to face may be great, but it's usually not the monster your unconscious wants you to believe it is.

The cure is NOT worse than the disease.
I'm starting to think that CBT techniques are also applicable, in addition to depth work.

Who told you to FIGHT the panic? That's the very thing that perpetuates it.

Read Hope and Help for Your Nerves.

The key is not to fight panic but to allow it to come and then let it go.

Where did you get the idea that you could fight panic successfully? That's like pouring gasoline on a fire.

It's confusing, I know, because we each get panic and DP at different times, but we agree they are connected.

I don't think Janine is saying "turn away" as much as she is saying "turn toward." When DP strikes, turn toward something other than how you feel.

The same thing holds for panic, don't run from it and don't face it, but float by it on your way toward something other than the fear. If you spend the $6 to buy Claire Weekes' book, Hope and Help for Your Nerves, you will not be sorry, and you will have a resource at your fingertips that you will treasure. She gives you more of the background and a wonderful reassurance. I highly recommend the book.

Does this help? I urge you to get that book. Amazon has it.
Glad to hear it! :lol:

Keep in mind that the book was written in 1969. It is recommended by physicians worldwide.

Because of its age, you may find things sound a bit outdated in parts, but that should only add a bit of charm to it!

This is also a book suitable for family members.
Good to see you, person3. I've missed you. :lol:
Why? It's a good book that might help people.
w_connelly said:
In that book does it mention anything worth noting in the feeling of unreality section?
pp. 120-126, 137
The entire book is chock full of nothing but worthwhile content. If you pay the exorbitant amount of money they're asking for this book you will be making a big mistake by reading only that section. In fact, you might as well not part with such a huge sum of money if that's your plan. But find some other schmo to spoon-feed you. :lol:
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