Most of you are fighting a hopeless cause

(I do write good titles, don't I? grin grin)

But there is some truth in that title, because most of us have hopeless goals. We are stubborn and we are determined and we are desperate. And we will fail.

We WANT to finally get to the point where we can edge right up to the "OH MY GOD!" moment of abject terror - that moment where we feel each time 'this is it! I am really honestly going to lose control of myself in two seconds!!!!" - and be able to REALIZE in that moment that despite how it feels, we will be okay. We want to master it.

We want to be able to FEEL like we're right on the edge of total insanity and then TURN IT AROUND and be able to say 'now I understand...yes, that was only a thought and now I am in control of myself.."

That is how we WANT to recover. We want to master it.

However, that is not ever going to be possible.

NEVER.

Not ever.

Not today, or tomorrow or next year.

NOt with the "right meds' or the "right person" or the right attitude.

THAT IS NOT HOW THE MIND WORKS.

What you are chasing after is as ridiculous as if you were to say 'I want to heal my depression by realizing I don't need to be so SAD when I'm depressed."

IF you're IN it, you're IN IT. If you are having a massive anxiety surge, there is NO way, NOTHING you can say to yourself will make you able to turn it OFF at will. Nor will you be able to convince yourself to not be afraid of the terror!

You will HEAL when you stop GOING there in the first place.

You guys are too focused on trying to STOP the horrible feelings once they are flying full force. You can't. If it ever seems like you DO, it's an illusion. They were just abating anyway and you fooled yourself into thinking you "did it"

You cannot "have" a panic attack without PANICKING!

You cannot "have" feelings of unreality without feeling highly unreal.

You cannot "have" a loss of sense of self without being very freaked out by it!

So how do you stop yourself from getting to those horrible peaks and surges? You stop focusing on your own symptoms. you stop LOOKING at yourself like you're under a microscope. Naturally, you will still have anxiety and ruminating thoughts and dp and dr and all kinds of awful mind states for awhile - but you can FEEL the states and still not focus straight into the eye of them.

You keep yourself stuck EVERY SINGLE time you turn your focus inward - every single time you try to WIN in the battle over these mind states. It's not a Jedi battle where you can fight them head on. You defeat them by starvation, not by direct contact.If you turn your attention away, as much as humanly possible and yes, it is VERY hard - every single time you want to monitor yourself, every time you want to "check in" on yourself and observe closer and try to figure out why you're feeling this way, etc.....TURN AWAY from those powerful urges to self-investigate, then you will begin to recover. And if you can KEEP doing it, you will recover.

Will you stay recovered? I have no idea. Personally, I can't imagine how you could unless you do some indepth work on yourself in therapy and learn more about yourself and learn to really LOOK at reality and you and your place in it.....but that is the long and very time-consuming work ahead. That's how people STOP having breakdowns, and stop falling back into the pit.

But to climb out of the pit? STOP OBSERVING THE PIT.

Stop trying to win the battle, and instead, win the war.

Love ya,
Janine
p.s. and I was just like the "we" I describe above. I spent nearly 15 yrs. trying to do it my way. And what a sad waste of time.