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Most of you are fighting a hopeless cause

5875 Views 48 Replies 20 Participants Last post by  *Alex
(I do write good titles, don't I? grin grin)

But there is some truth in that title, because most of us have hopeless goals. We are stubborn and we are determined and we are desperate. And we will fail.

We WANT to finally get to the point where we can edge right up to the "OH MY GOD!" moment of abject terror - that moment where we feel each time 'this is it! I am really honestly going to lose control of myself in two seconds!!!!" - and be able to REALIZE in that moment that despite how it feels, we will be okay. We want to master it.

We want to be able to FEEL like we're right on the edge of total insanity and then TURN IT AROUND and be able to say 'now I understand...yes, that was only a thought and now I am in control of myself.."

That is how we WANT to recover. We want to master it.

However, that is not ever going to be possible.


Not ever.

Not today, or tomorrow or next year.

NOt with the "right meds' or the "right person" or the right attitude.


What you are chasing after is as ridiculous as if you were to say 'I want to heal my depression by realizing I don't need to be so SAD when I'm depressed."

IF you're IN it, you're IN IT. If you are having a massive anxiety surge, there is NO way, NOTHING you can say to yourself will make you able to turn it OFF at will. Nor will you be able to convince yourself to not be afraid of the terror!

You will HEAL when you stop GOING there in the first place.

You guys are too focused on trying to STOP the horrible feelings once they are flying full force. You can't. If it ever seems like you DO, it's an illusion. They were just abating anyway and you fooled yourself into thinking you "did it"

You cannot "have" a panic attack without PANICKING!

You cannot "have" feelings of unreality without feeling highly unreal.

You cannot "have" a loss of sense of self without being very freaked out by it!

So how do you stop yourself from getting to those horrible peaks and surges? You stop focusing on your own symptoms. you stop LOOKING at yourself like you're under a microscope. Naturally, you will still have anxiety and ruminating thoughts and dp and dr and all kinds of awful mind states for awhile - but you can FEEL the states and still not focus straight into the eye of them.

You keep yourself stuck EVERY SINGLE time you turn your focus inward - every single time you try to WIN in the battle over these mind states. It's not a Jedi battle where you can fight them head on. You defeat them by starvation, not by direct contact.If you turn your attention away, as much as humanly possible and yes, it is VERY hard - every single time you want to monitor yourself, every time you want to "check in" on yourself and observe closer and try to figure out why you're feeling this way, etc.....TURN AWAY from those powerful urges to self-investigate, then you will begin to recover. And if you can KEEP doing it, you will recover.

Will you stay recovered? I have no idea. Personally, I can't imagine how you could unless you do some indepth work on yourself in therapy and learn more about yourself and learn to really LOOK at reality and you and your place in it.....but that is the long and very time-consuming work ahead. That's how people STOP having breakdowns, and stop falling back into the pit.

But to climb out of the pit? STOP OBSERVING THE PIT.

Stop trying to win the battle, and instead, win the war.

Love ya,
p.s. and I was just like the "we" I describe above. I spent nearly 15 yrs. trying to do it my way. And what a sad waste of time.
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I just don't understand how avoiding and turning away our thoughts is gonna help. I understand how it helps dp. But what should someone like me do, a panic attack sufferer? I hear from one end to fight the panic attacks head on to erase the fear, but yet that makes the dp worse. So I have dp that causes panic attacks. So how to I avoid the dp, while facing my fear of the panic attacks at the same time? Nobody seems to have an answer for this. I've been "tuning out" and avoiding the panic and dp for three years and I'm still in the same place I was three years ago. I always have that constant fear in the back of my head. I'm stuck in an idle stage of just getting along by trying to not think about the dp when it hits. It's just frustrating that I don't know how to fight the panic attacks and dp when the cures for each are on two completely opposite ends.

I don't mean fight the panic. I mean face the panic. You say we need to let the panic happen and wash over us. Yet Janine says to turn away from the dp as soon as it hits. Ignore it. So how can I "let" the panic heppen, and ignore the dp at the same time? I desperately need answers to this.
You always help sojourner. You always get what I'm asking. Thanks. I'll go get that book. Add it to my collection of panic attack books, :wink: .
It's the same thing with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend. As long as you randomly call them and see them, you're never gonna get over them. Everytime you see their face or hear their voice, all those feelings come back full force. But if you stop seeing them and talking to them, you start to forget them. You forget all those feelings, what they felt like, looked like, smelled like, how you felt with them. As time goes by, the pain becomes less and less until there is none anymore. I learned this trick a long time ago. It's a shame I can't learn it with the dp.
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