[Imagine]

More Than Just A Feeling....

...Like I'm in and out and out f*cking dream.

Making alot of mistakes also recently, just in general. Memory of my past is near non-existant. I have an extreme no feeling of connection with anything. It's not just that I don't feel I recognize my family... it's also that I can't feel there presence.

Unresponsive when asked questions as if I weren't asked anything.

Every single action I make, every keystroke here even... feels like my body is programmed into doing this and my brain ain't even here.

Has to be more than dp... or I'm reaching a level were this is going to destroy my ability to function at all.

I swear to anyone who reads this... this is the f*cking worst its ever been and it just seems to be getting more and more worse everytime I wake up.

Will this pass? I mean really, at this level for months now... keeps growing... will this pass?... how can I get my sense of self back after having this!?

I'm not in control anymore.

Please can someone tell me how extreme this can actually get, I fear this is more than dp. I'm losing it. None of this is happening.

- Anthony.

 

[Imagine]

HAS MY WHOLE LIFE BEEN REAL AT ALL?

 

[Imagine]

I NOW WANT TO F*CKING DIE.

 

[Guest]

Hola,
Seems to me you are already at the worst part of DP. I can't imagine it could get any worse than what you are experiencing. It sounds just dreadful! I (along with everyone else in here) wish there was some magic pill for this damn thing that would just make it disappear. I hope you are able to hang in there untill you get into a "better place" mentally. If you can just find a quiet place where you can try to relax, close your eyes and breath a little and tell remind yourself over and over...that you REALLY ARE WHO you think you are, that you REALLY ARE WHERE you think you are...and so forth, it might help a little. I know that when it gets really bad for me, this helps. Sorry I couldn't be of any more help. I wish you well.

Tony

 

[fingertingle]

That sounds horrible. Just remember, even if its all an illusion - it's still causing you to feel things - and you want to feel good, so feed whatever it is what it needs... so if that is believing you are real, try to do it. Easier said than done, I know.

 

[M A R S]

Friend , i have talked to you many time.. Im JUST LIKE YOU RIGHT NOW. Im thinking this is it. .... All i have is this. Im now seeing that im living in a fake world. No real life at all any more... its like im gone. I feel asleep and scared...

 

[M A R S]

can any one say the word that will get me free of this shit?

 

[livinginhell333]

i have the same thing. today wasn't as bad as other days. i was slightly enjoyin some music and singin lyrics, i was playin video games, umm but yea the whole family thing i can't feel there presence as well, i try not to think about it, cuz i i do then i get scared and i start thinking more, but it does feel as if i'm not here, like i'm not controlling nething and i'm not real at all. tomorrow could be a tough day to get through, i have a sort of busy day.

first i'm going to this priest/doctor guy and he's gonna pray over me, and then i have CBT with this clinical psychologist. first meeting with him, then work, then idk, maybe i'll go out. the thing i don't want to do out of all those is work, cuz i feel so much like a robot its not even funny, but i always feel that way so. stay strong imagine, everyone, believe me i wanted to die plenty of times, and of course i thought of it, but i would never attempt, i just want myself back, my life back, control back, reality back. this may be an illusion and things we say to family friends may not make any sense to them, but this is really happening to us, we are expieriencing it 100%. the shit is scary as hell. actually it is hell, there's a lot of things that people know the anser for and this def is not one.

 

[Martinelv]

The only word I can offer as advice is 'hope'. As long as you've still got that, then all is not lost. I've said this a qazillion times, but DR/DP is the biggest challange you'll ever face in your life, so if, no - when, you beat it, life will taste like the sweetest of sweet chocolate. Just keep reminding yourself that. There is a way out, many on here are testament to that, so don't lose hope. Think of a future without DR/DP. Get angry at your symptoms. Spit in it's face. Refuse to let it stop you doing the things you want to do. Even if you're going out of your mind with unreality, stick your fingers up to it. It's not willpower, it's a choice. You either do it, or keep suffering. It really is up to you. It will be hard, but what other choice do you have?

 

[g-funk]

Martin's right. You have just got to keep going. It is entirely possible to come out of it, you know that, it just doesn't feel like truth to you. Imagine, it is nothing more than DP, don't worry about that. Trust me.

You have no choice, in my mind. The only way is up and out and there is a way, and that way is to fight this thing with every inch of you, and by fighting and trying, I actually mean resisting the urge to even give it the time of day, NOT by trying to 'sort it out'. It is possible, I promise you.

 

[Matt89]

Will this pass? I mean really, at this level for months now... keeps growing... will this pass?... how can I get my sense of self back after having this!?

I know what you mean Imagine, I also feel like I've gone this far and how can you possibly get back to "normal". Has any recoverer thought like this and recovered?

I'm just trying to distract myself as much as possible, and it seems, it's starting to work

How are you today Anthony?

 

[g-funk]

That cat is so cute.

Yes, I have felt that way before and recovered. I first had really serious dp last year, absolutely incapacitating, and then got better and had a whole year of feeling better than ever before, because I learnt some stuff about me I didn't know. Unfortunately I didn't learn enough... I knew that it might come back but I also know that it goes away too if you keep on trying.

 

[Scattered]

I can agree that hope, even unrealistic hope, can be a necessary stopgap until more concrete action or life changes can be made. Sometimes I can go through a bad patch and then imagine myself in a better situation and really believe that its going to happen. Temporary relief, but relief nonetheless.

 

[Imagine]

Its just to hard for me to try and fight it or ignore it, its so extreme.

Like trying to ignore toothache.

 

[Imagine]

I really am forgetting everything that once was my life. My family, my friends, my past, even my present. Everything is slowly deteriorating.

 

[Sojourner]

Two questions, Imagine:

Who are your family and friends?

Can you post your daily schedule during your waking hours -- what you do hour by hour?

 

[livinginhell333]

imagine i hear you. i just did a whole bunch of things today, but i don't have any recollection of it. its weird and scary, how can i forget what i did a few hours ago, but i do. and it all seems like a dream, like nothing is happening. i used to like dreams but i never thought i would get caught up in one and have it be my reality. freakin horrible. i worked today, i felt so unreal. jesus, felt like a ghost. i hate the feeling. i really do espiacially when everyone else thinks i'm fine, everyday is a nitemare.

 

[Imagine]

I can name them, its my presence and history with them, it feels gone.

I'll admit I do f*ck all. No schedule - but it hasn't always been like that, just recently, I find it to hard to cope with this in a public environment.

 

[Sojourner]

Are you in therapy, imagine? Are you taking meds? I'm worried about you. You're so young -- 17, right? Did you drop out of school?

I had a bout of anxiety recently, and I know how horrible it is to not feel emotionally whole.

What's important is that we use the tools available to us to get better, right? Would you agree with that statement?

Don't try to use your will to fight it while you continue as you are.

Don't try to "ignore" it while you continue as you are.

You have to do something else.

You could start by surrendering to the feeling totally. You will survive that. And you have to get into some kind of psychotherapy. IIRC, you do take medicine, but I forgot if you have a therapist.

You need help and you need to get it for yourself. Tell me how you are going to do that. Please.

 

[Imagine]

I have a therapist yeah... he reckons with me its nothing more than a symptom... he is a great therapist though.

As for medication, daily...

Citalopram 60mg

Librium 5mg x 3

Lorazepam 1mg x 2 - 3