More on Focus Outward, tough love version

I've never felt more connected and filled with joy than the moment (and subsequent 30 minutes) after receiving a clean bill of health when MRI tests had shown that I'd had no organic reason behind my disassociation. It was then the realization hit me that my problems were caused by a cycle of self monitoring and related anxiety.

Well that should have been the end of DP, but it wasn?t. I feel like I'm in control when I?m monitoring, regardless of whether the act of monitoring is causing the symptoms which perpetuate it. Letting go of the monitoring would be like letting go of the wheel, allowing the vehicle to choose its own path - most probably off into the woods and into a tree.

I know this wouldn?t be the case, but letting go brings with it what I perceived to be a large element of risk. There?s a rickety old bridge between my current existence - a place of solitude, and the land of the connected and 'normal'.

Stepping out of my unbearable but well known environment could both plunge me into a world where I am falling and thrashing without control, or it could also be the first step to recovery and my ticket out of this madness.

Why is it so hard to let go. I have never befriended depersonalization, fog and confusion but it?s the only thing I?ve known over the last 9 years.

I've never felt more connected and filled with joy than the moment (and subsequent 30 minutes) after receiving a clean bill of health when MRI tests had shown that I'd had no organic reason behind my disassociation. It was then the realization hit me that my problems were caused by a cycle of self monitoring and related anxiety.

Well that should have been the end of DP, but it wasn?t. I feel like I'm in control when I?m monitoring, regardless of whether the act of monitoring is causing the symptoms which perpetuate it. Letting go of the monitoring would be like letting go of the wheel, allowing the vehicle to choose its own path - most probably off into the woods and into a tree.

I know this wouldn?t be the case, but letting go brings with it what I perceived to be a large element of risk. There?s a rickety old bridge between my current existence - a place of solitude, and the land of the connected and 'normal'.

Stepping out of my unbearable but well known environment could both plunge me into a world where I am falling and thrashing without control, or it could also be the first step to recovery and my ticket out of this madness.

Why is it so hard to let go. I have never befriended depersonalization, fog and confusion but it?s the only thing I?ve known over the last 9 years.

look - we only started self-monitoring BECAUSE we got dp - therefore self-monitoring is not the cause of dp, merely a symptom

I mean, I never used to monitor my perceptions until this cataclysmic (sp?) change came over them when my dp started

dp/dr is an illness - when we are ill it is only natural that we monitor ourselves to see if we're getting better - usually with an illness (like flu say) the symptoms gradually subside until that occasion when we monitor our condition and suddenly realise we're well again - hey my cold is gone - yippee

once the condition is gone, so the need to self-monitor goes with it..

I think people who are cured of their dp probably have no idea why it went away but notice that they no longer need to monitor their mental state so much and, seeking an explanation for their cure (and possibly the illness itself) wrongly attribute their reduced need for self-monitoring as the cause of their well-being

we're just ill - shit happens and for a lucky few shit goes away of its own accord

rob xxx

look - we only started self-monitoring BECAUSE we got dp - therefore self-monitoring is not the cause of dp, merely a symptom

I mean, I never used to monitor my perceptions until this cataclysmic (sp?) change came over them when my dp started

dp/dr is an illness - when we are ill it is only natural that we monitor ourselves to see if we're getting better - usually with an illness (like flu say) the symptoms gradually subside until that occasion when we monitor our condition and suddenly realise we're well again - hey my cold is gone - yippee

once the condition is gone, so the need to self-monitor goes with it..

I think people who are cured of their dp probably have no idea why it went away but notice that they no longer need to monitor their mental state so much and, seeking an explanation for their cure (and possibly the illness itself) wrongly attribute their reduced need for self-monitoring as the cause of their well-being

we're just ill - shit happens and for a lucky few shit goes away of its own accord

rob xxx

My derealization was brought about by a huge panic attack. Zoloft and the occasional Xanex helped me to get back on track. After I calmed down a bit, I was able to work on distracting myself and cognitive behavior.

I agree that the dr wasn't caused by self observation, but when I forced myself to get on with my life, go for walks and breath the fresh air and repeat possitive affermations, it was extreamly helpful and gave me relief. I believed early on, through therapy, that this was very treatable and being a post partum illness, figured it was going to eventually fade away. IT DID!!!

I feel like I could trigger a panic and derealization if I wanted. (like, right!) I still have to fight the self monitering. I still have limitations. I can't drink caffeine. I need a lot of good sleep. I need to not got too overwhelmed with things. I need to say "no". I still need to take Zoloft.

I'm telling you, I was a really bad case! When this hit me with a ton of bricks, I couldn't eat, sleep...nothing! I was truely a mess and had to care for a new baby! My dh was home for 2 weeks and took care of me and then I HAD to get it together, for the sake of the newborn and my other two kids. It was the hardest thing I've ever went through!

It was like baby steps. One day I got out of bed and made scrambled eggs. (my brain felt scrambled!) I could hardly focus long enough to complete a task. Even just trying to remember what I was doing long enough to get butter, or an egg. Frustrating!!! But I was determined!

I was to afraid to venture to far but did go out on the porch for daily breaths of fresh air and the healing enviroment of the outdoors. (We live in amongst the trees so it's very green and inviting). I eventually was able to go for walks. It felt wierd, as everything does when you are suffering with derealization, but I was told this would help so I did it. I felt horrible so I would just repeat "I am getting better" over and over, so to not keep thinking about how awful I felt.cv

I also quit eating any and all sugar. I've stayed far from this today and have cravings beyond belief. But I was so desperate to get relief that I would have done anything!!! (you know I was sick if I stopped eating sugar!)

Rob, I wish there was an easy answer. Gawd, how I wish. But I do think that Janice is hitting a really good point here. I know when I though I wasn't going to get better and started ruminating about it over and over, questioning endlessly, I would feel much worse. Then, I might have a therapy appt. and my therapist was so upbeat about my prognosise, I would leave feeling 50% better!!! Therapy was very healing for me!!!

Carla

My derealization was brought about by a huge panic attack. Zoloft and the occasional Xanex helped me to get back on track. After I calmed down a bit, I was able to work on distracting myself and cognitive behavior.

I agree that the dr wasn't caused by self observation, but when I forced myself to get on with my life, go for walks and breath the fresh air and repeat possitive affermations, it was extreamly helpful and gave me relief. I believed early on, through therapy, that this was very treatable and being a post partum illness, figured it was going to eventually fade away. IT DID!!!

I feel like I could trigger a panic and derealization if I wanted. (like, right!) I still have to fight the self monitering. I still have limitations. I can't drink caffeine. I need a lot of good sleep. I need to not got too overwhelmed with things. I need to say "no". I still need to take Zoloft.

I'm telling you, I was a really bad case! When this hit me with a ton of bricks, I couldn't eat, sleep...nothing! I was truely a mess and had to care for a new baby! My dh was home for 2 weeks and took care of me and then I HAD to get it together, for the sake of the newborn and my other two kids. It was the hardest thing I've ever went through!

It was like baby steps. One day I got out of bed and made scrambled eggs. (my brain felt scrambled!) I could hardly focus long enough to complete a task. Even just trying to remember what I was doing long enough to get butter, or an egg. Frustrating!!! But I was determined!

I was to afraid to venture to far but did go out on the porch for daily breaths of fresh air and the healing enviroment of the outdoors. (We live in amongst the trees so it's very green and inviting). I eventually was able to go for walks. It felt wierd, as everything does when you are suffering with derealization, but I was told this would help so I did it. I felt horrible so I would just repeat "I am getting better" over and over, so to not keep thinking about how awful I felt.cv

I also quit eating any and all sugar. I've stayed far from this today and have cravings beyond belief. But I was so desperate to get relief that I would have done anything!!! (you know I was sick if I stopped eating sugar!)

Rob, I wish there was an easy answer. Gawd, how I wish. But I do think that Janice is hitting a really good point here. I know when I though I wasn't going to get better and started ruminating about it over and over, questioning endlessly, I would feel much worse. Then, I might have a therapy appt. and my therapist was so upbeat about my prognosise, I would leave feeling 50% better!!! Therapy was very healing for me!!!

Carla