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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Oh dear God....now you are going to have to chill. grin

First, you are not having a heart attack. Period. End of mortal threat discussion.

Second, the anticipation is what's driving you out of your mind (metaphor only, grin). The "build up" - the "how can I do this??" the "I can't PICTURE myself doing this every single day, the streets, the buildings, isolation, all those people, having to go to work, then having to come home in the traffic, and what about the elevators, I can't see how I can do this every single day..." Stop.

It is impossible to picture EVERY single day in your future and fathom how you can "do it" - in the reality of doing life, you will be encountering one moment at a time, not an onrush of overwhelming challenges the way it seems in your mind.

Think of a movie preview - in less than a minute, they are slamming images and sounds at you to give you a "taste" of the 2 hour film - each image stays on the screen for only a few seconds, with frantic jumpcuts to the next image, no through-line, no evolving of the plot...just rapid image after image, firing away to give you a "feel" for watching the film. That's what you're doing to yourself. You're living every hour with "Coming Attractions" of My Life In Melbourne - rapid intercut scenes with loud sounds and bright flashing edits that are jarring to your entire system. Those previews are meant to be watched for 30 seconds - you're "watching" yours every hour for the past several weeks. Seeing the actual MOVIE (living the actual experience) is not going to be like this intense preview experience you're torturing yourself with.

Secondly, go to Melbourne. You will never know if you don't go. Give it a try. If the worst happens, and you cannot do it without intense stress, you can come back. (Do not start on the "HOW could I come back....I'd be a failure, my parents would never let me come back!!" IF you had to come back, you'd come back. Period. Do not even "go there" in creating another horrible preview of THAT scenerio)

You are tormenting yourself. And the entire overwhelming feeling is nothing but anticipatory anxiety.

You have BEEN to Melbourne. You have walked in a big city before. You are not moving to Iraq or Neptune. This is not going to be ANYwhere the horror you imagine it to be. And no amount of imagining the worst will HELP. It will only make you more and more anxious.

p.s. In one way, you ARE having a "heart attack" grin. You are having a symbolic "attack of the heart" because part of you is so emotionally connected to your family - and you do NOT want to grow up - part of you wants to and part of you doesn't want to ever give up being taken care of. Now....it's even more complicated than that. Part of you doesn't want to let your family off the hook so easily! It's THEIR fault you aren't more secure, so damnit they should have to pay for it by being your support forever!

Dark angry thoughts and lots of conflict about growing up. That's what your "heart attack" is made of.

Peace,
Janine
 
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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Oh dear God....now you are going to have to chill. grin

First, you are not having a heart attack. Period. End of mortal threat discussion.

Second, the anticipation is what's driving you out of your mind (metaphor only, grin). The "build up" - the "how can I do this??" the "I can't PICTURE myself doing this every single day, the streets, the buildings, isolation, all those people, having to go to work, then having to come home in the traffic, and what about the elevators, I can't see how I can do this every single day..." Stop.

It is impossible to picture EVERY single day in your future and fathom how you can "do it" - in the reality of doing life, you will be encountering one moment at a time, not an onrush of overwhelming challenges the way it seems in your mind.

Think of a movie preview - in less than a minute, they are slamming images and sounds at you to give you a "taste" of the 2 hour film - each image stays on the screen for only a few seconds, with frantic jumpcuts to the next image, no through-line, no evolving of the plot...just rapid image after image, firing away to give you a "feel" for watching the film. That's what you're doing to yourself. You're living every hour with "Coming Attractions" of My Life In Melbourne - rapid intercut scenes with loud sounds and bright flashing edits that are jarring to your entire system. Those previews are meant to be watched for 30 seconds - you're "watching" yours every hour for the past several weeks. Seeing the actual MOVIE (living the actual experience) is not going to be like this intense preview experience you're torturing yourself with.

Secondly, go to Melbourne. You will never know if you don't go. Give it a try. If the worst happens, and you cannot do it without intense stress, you can come back. (Do not start on the "HOW could I come back....I'd be a failure, my parents would never let me come back!!" IF you had to come back, you'd come back. Period. Do not even "go there" in creating another horrible preview of THAT scenerio)

You are tormenting yourself. And the entire overwhelming feeling is nothing but anticipatory anxiety.

You have BEEN to Melbourne. You have walked in a big city before. You are not moving to Iraq or Neptune. This is not going to be ANYwhere the horror you imagine it to be. And no amount of imagining the worst will HELP. It will only make you more and more anxious.

p.s. In one way, you ARE having a "heart attack" grin. You are having a symbolic "attack of the heart" because part of you is so emotionally connected to your family - and you do NOT want to grow up - part of you wants to and part of you doesn't want to ever give up being taken care of. Now....it's even more complicated than that. Part of you doesn't want to let your family off the hook so easily! It's THEIR fault you aren't more secure, so damnit they should have to pay for it by being your support forever!

Dark angry thoughts and lots of conflict about growing up. That's what your "heart attack" is made of.

Peace,
Janine
 

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Something Janine said reminded me of something I read in a book, and noted it down because it made me understand a little about where I was going wrong.
'Life is nothing more than a constant series of present moments to be experienced, one right after another. See the past for what it was able to teach us and the future as more present moments to be experienced when they arrive'.
I realised that when my mind started to wander and imagine what the day was going to be like and how I would cope, I realised I wasn't actually EXPERIENCING the moment I was in. Hence the detached from reality feeling. You're living life in your head, not in the world. Try concentrating on dealing with each task as they come, stop waiting for the next moment.
You'll be fine xx
 

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Something Janine said reminded me of something I read in a book, and noted it down because it made me understand a little about where I was going wrong.
'Life is nothing more than a constant series of present moments to be experienced, one right after another. See the past for what it was able to teach us and the future as more present moments to be experienced when they arrive'.
I realised that when my mind started to wander and imagine what the day was going to be like and how I would cope, I realised I wasn't actually EXPERIENCING the moment I was in. Hence the detached from reality feeling. You're living life in your head, not in the world. Try concentrating on dealing with each task as they come, stop waiting for the next moment.
You'll be fine xx
 
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Janine, I SO knew I was going to get in trouble with you...stupid grin.
I promise to be good from now on. Im glad you care though.
 
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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Janine, I SO knew I was going to get in trouble with you...stupid grin.
I promise to be good from now on. Im glad you care though.
 

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(hi janine! long note on the way! I promise! *looks guilty* i miss ya!!)

...just had to surface here for this one.

Monika-

I dont know much of your current situation asides from what I read of your Personal Story, I just wanted to share the fact that I was born and bred in New York and lived in Manhattan/Brooklyn the last years I was there.

Coming up in a few weeks will celebrate my third year living in Melbourne, on the verge of getting my Permanent Residency *fingers crossed*. Now, I don't know what country town/outer suburb you are coming from, but I just found some humour in the fact that I originally came to Melbourne to get AWAY from the big city! I can tell you now that living here is the best thing to ever happen to me. I love Melbourne with such a passion and have never felt more safe or at home anywhere else. I also have and still do, suffered from massive anxiety and dp/dr which is currently being 'contained' with meds, (as well as a heavy dose of janinebaker?) and have found Melbourne the best place to be to work with these feelings for a number of reasons.

I had almost similar reluctance to return to New York after having been here for two years... I didnt know how I would handle it, but I did. In that respect, I sort of understand how you feel. Again, I dont know the specifics of your situation, or what your particular interests are, but Melbourne is an amazing city in that it can really be whatever you make it.

I just wanted to make myself available if you have any questions or need any help making the transition to our wonderful city. Please let me know if there is anything I can do!

Best,
Jeremy
 

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(hi janine! long note on the way! I promise! *looks guilty* i miss ya!!)

...just had to surface here for this one.

Monika-

I dont know much of your current situation asides from what I read of your Personal Story, I just wanted to share the fact that I was born and bred in New York and lived in Manhattan/Brooklyn the last years I was there.

Coming up in a few weeks will celebrate my third year living in Melbourne, on the verge of getting my Permanent Residency *fingers crossed*. Now, I don't know what country town/outer suburb you are coming from, but I just found some humour in the fact that I originally came to Melbourne to get AWAY from the big city! I can tell you now that living here is the best thing to ever happen to me. I love Melbourne with such a passion and have never felt more safe or at home anywhere else. I also have and still do, suffered from massive anxiety and dp/dr which is currently being 'contained' with meds, (as well as a heavy dose of janinebaker?) and have found Melbourne the best place to be to work with these feelings for a number of reasons.

I had almost similar reluctance to return to New York after having been here for two years... I didnt know how I would handle it, but I did. In that respect, I sort of understand how you feel. Again, I dont know the specifics of your situation, or what your particular interests are, but Melbourne is an amazing city in that it can really be whatever you make it.

I just wanted to make myself available if you have any questions or need any help making the transition to our wonderful city. Please let me know if there is anything I can do!

Best,
Jeremy
 
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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Oh Jeremy, you are going to rue the day you offered to help me!!!...lol. Seriously though, your post encourages me greatly. Know of any good support groups or mental health services for agoraphobics/panics/dp's? Can't seem to find anything decent on the net. Also, I have heard so many wonderful things about Melbourne...I have always been drawn to it. I love art and theatre (independent productions) and jazz clubs and pretty much any live music so this is why i want to go there. I come from a town with less than 50,000 people so I consider Melbourne to be a big city.

Janine, your comparison of my thought processes regarding Melbourne to a movie preview (thriller?, horror?, action?) is spot on. Really spot on. I am also discovering how conrolling I am too in terms of wanting to predict life and how i will cope with it ahead of time.
 
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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Oh Jeremy, you are going to rue the day you offered to help me!!!...lol. Seriously though, your post encourages me greatly. Know of any good support groups or mental health services for agoraphobics/panics/dp's? Can't seem to find anything decent on the net. Also, I have heard so many wonderful things about Melbourne...I have always been drawn to it. I love art and theatre (independent productions) and jazz clubs and pretty much any live music so this is why i want to go there. I come from a town with less than 50,000 people so I consider Melbourne to be a big city.

Janine, your comparison of my thought processes regarding Melbourne to a movie preview (thriller?, horror?, action?) is spot on. Really spot on. I am also discovering how conrolling I am too in terms of wanting to predict life and how i will cope with it ahead of time.
 
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