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Misty's story

1583 Views 3 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  Misty
I probley say this over and over when I post to someone elses subject, but I am also going trought amnesia. So I forget things really really easy. :?
I am 23, been living with DP for about 10 years but just found out what it was about a month ago. I just always thought it was just me or a stress over load. I also have headaches everyday ( I mean EVERY day) and about twice to about five times a month I get migranes that are so bad I loose my sight, black out, throw up, loose balance, scream with out knowing that I am even talking, blured my speech...but still the doctors can't find a reason why. I've had two CT scans....nothing!! I have a five year old daughter, who is my life. She is the reason I get up and moving. When she goes to her grandparent for the weekend, i'm usually just lying around or sleeping. My husband doesn't let me go out with the "girls" and the few girls I have to hang out with don't hang out much because i have attacks at least once a day and when I have a bad one, they kinda freak out.
My family thinks I'm lying and just trying to get attention. I try and explain that I'm not crazy, that there are other people out there that are going through what I do..and they just say "yeah, what ever". So I can't talk to them. My husband is a big kid. He plays video games when he isn't at work. He never helps with our daughter, at all, and also expects me to do everything. Clean, cook, take care of my daughter, and pick up after him. My daughter is to young to talk to, so my source of talking to at home is my Lab. She is soooo understanding and never interrups. :lol:
I try and get perfessional help, but then I loose my job because I went to the hospital for mental health. I haven't been able to get a good job yet. Tring for part time now so I can hurry up and get my Masters.
I have lost so many friends because I either scare them off or their boyfriends/husbands and then they say they can't hang out with me anymore.
My daughter knows something is wrong with mommy. She asks if she can take care of me all the time. I hate it. I don't want her to ask me that. I want her to rely on me. My mom did the excat same thing when I was 3-7 years old. I remember my mother never getting out of bed and I had to watch my baby brother who is three years younger then me. My dad would work, come home fix dinner, run a bath and put us to bed, but during the day.. my brother was mine. I finally got a step mom in 90 I was 9 but I also got two step sisters. One older, one younger. The younger one is now on a high pedestal with my parents..even higher then there own grandkids. my older sister is going through drug relapes and smokes pot about three time a day. (I don't hang out with them much) my little brother moved away as soon as he could so I don't get to see him. My real mother lives far away too and although out of her major depression..she still is depressed and calls me to tell me her problems.
I don't know what else to do with my life to make it any better. I tried changing myself, still working on it. I try and talk with my husband..Nothing. I do go see a perfessional..two of them. Nothing seems to work. I'm taking Effxor, Welbutrin, Xanx and Transpam (?). Any advice...please give...ANY advice. I hate living this way. I hate telling my daughter to hold on because mommy can't read her a bed time story. or forgetting her plays at school, forgeting peoples names that i've known for years. forgeting dinner even. That's how bad it is. I can have some one tell me something and in two minutes forget the whole thing and have to ask again. and that gets soooo embarssing. :oops:
Sorry for blabbing but it helps so much to write and have other people respone. My jurnol doesn't really talk back.
Thanks for listening and not just backing out when you saw it was a mile long. :roll:
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Hi Misty,

I appreciate you taking the time to post your story, also. Thank goodness for that dog of yours, huh? :) It is hard for people to understand what all we go thru. I hope that as time goes by, you get stronger and are able to cope not only with your mental health but your physical health. Your daughter being able to feel your love will overcome other things. My daughter is near 30 and I still have not tried to explain to her what is going on inside my head. The one thing she does know is love. You can keep it that simple for your daughter.

My spouse doesn't "get it" either. I think there are a lot of us that could use that support, but ain't happening. :?

Good luck on finding something that works for you.
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