[Obliviousthorne]

One of my earlier posts, I shared that I would likely spend my birthday in a depersonalisation/derealisation episode. And yes, that happened. I spent my time at the zoo dissociating, I was distressed. I started my third University year still in that same episode, and there has been no end in sight even now.

Tonight is a concert me and my best friend have been waiting years for, ever since it got postponed back in 2020. And the DPDR is still strong today. I know that it will be just the same as always, I'll go, I'll be there but not fully "there", I'll feel nothing about it. And I feel horrible about it. We will likely never get to see this band again.

It's just frustrating. It's hard knowing that I could be experiencing more, I could be more present. But instead my mind is only ever half there and my emotions and thoughts are dulled. I'm tired of missing out on important things in my life and losing them to this disorder.

 

[Nancyl]

Totally understand . In 12 years I was witness to a lot of important milestones in families lives . I was present and I fully knew how important it was - just couldn’t “ connect “ others times I just flaked . Painful .

 

[ThoughtOnFire]

I relate to this 100%

 

[🖤ᴇᴜᴘʜᴏʀɪᴀ💜]

One of my earlier posts, I shared that I would likely spend my birthday in a depersonalisation/derealisation episode. And yes, that happened. I spent my time at the zoo dissociating, I was distressed. I started my third University year still in that same episode, and there has been no end in sight even now.

Tonight is a concert me and my best friend have been waiting years for, ever since it got postponed back in 2020. And the DPDR is still strong today. I know that it will be just the same as always, I'll go, I'll be there but not fully "there", I'll feel nothing about it. And I feel horrible about it. We will likely never get to see this band again.

It's just frustrating. It's hard knowing that I could be experiencing more, I could be more present. But instead my mind is only ever half there and my emotions and thoughts are dulled. I'm tired of missing out on important things in my life and losing them to this disorder.

I genuinely understand what you feel. Sometimes I just avoid certain situations that are important or that I feel I need to remember (when I can) because I'll be disassociating the whole time, It'll all be a blur afterwards and I'll barely remember it anyway so I think "what's the point?" Sadly I've become accustomed to "feeling" like this as this has been going on for over 2 years now.

 

[forestx5]

One of my earlier posts, I shared that I would likely spend my birthday in a depersonalisation/derealisation episode. And yes, that happened. I spent my time at the zoo dissociating, I was distressed. I started my third University year still in that same episode, and there has been no end in sight even now.

Tonight is a concert me and my best friend have been waiting years for, ever since it got postponed back in 2020. And the DPDR is still strong today. I know that it will be just the same as always, I'll go, I'll be there but not fully "there", I'll feel nothing about it. And I feel horrible about it. We will likely never get to see this band again.

It's just frustrating. It's hard knowing that I could be experiencing more, I could be more present. But instead my mind is only ever half there and my emotions and thoughts are dulled. I'm tired of missing out on important things in my life and losing them to this disorder.

I didn't experience a lot of my life because I was only half there. I look back on my memories, and they are only half there because I was only half there when I made them. It is what it is. I did the best I could with what I had to work with. What does it all mean in the grand scheme of things? Not much, I suspect.

 

[Nancyl]

We can only do - what we are able to do . Appreciate the fact you made the effort .